There are those who suffer a kind of prison.
Not those who have broken laws, committed crimes and been sentenced judicially.
Rather, those who have become isolated for various reasons. For some it is a gradual imprisonment culminating from repeated knocks and harsh blows. Shying away from the rest of the world out of fear of more injury.
Then there are others that are still in puzzlement as to why others have shut them out. To be shunned by friends, colleagues, neighbours, even family when one has done no wrong. Isolated from the community that carved their very identity.
To be always looking in on the rest of your world who play gleefully and enjoy all the good that comes from a sense of belonging. To be isolated against one’s will. To be trapped on the other side of a wall, a barrier that seems impossible to break through. To have the fear that even if there was a way through, there could be more rejection and disdain from the happily contented who belong to the world where you once thrived.
The prison of isolation from which one always seeks to escape, rather than be swallowed up whole by it.
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This was in response to the picture from Kira – part of the WOTD team. The Kira’s Sunday Scribbles is below:
Jack, there has been a lot of damage done. I don’t understand what has been going on between you and I, it’s confusing and frustrating. This extraordinary pressure on whether a romance would develop was unbearable. I was never against a romance developing. When you told me you loved me, I did not know how to react, I didn’t really believe you. But don’t you think we should both forget that for now and go back to building a basic friendship?
What happened to you? Why did you go from making me feel we were true friends to shunning and slandering me? Those words did so much damage. I would give anything to go back to the way things used to be.
Can we put all the damage away and agree that this should not have happened, but that we are both on the same team, working towards the same objectives, and support each other? I don’t know if you realize it, but the silence from you, the silence has done more damage than the words.
I don’t know what words and looks of love and peace would win you over. The past has passed us by, but it’s the present and the future I am interested in. I cannot enjoy my present or my future thinking that you do not regret what happened, that you are triumphant at my suffering. I’m afraid I say too much here.
Many of my close friends and family blame Jack for so much of what happened to me. I have not had a sense of blame as such. Just raw hurt. I am not interested in blame. I think I know what Jack said and didn’t say. I think I know what Jack did and didn’t do. I think I understand what he shares some responsibility for, and what he really ought to regret. But he was not to know just how out of control the situation would become. I love him far too much to blame him for things that were not at all his fault. Still it would be of comfort to receive kindness and empathy in some form from him.
The past has passed. But I want to be back in my purposeful life, rather than just existing here. I can’t go back if he is going to carry on behaving in the same way that led me to the despair that caused me to go to that park on my own late at night.
Caramel 