When I was a child, I know I saw things I wish I had not seen. At the time, I did not understand exactly what I was seeing. But it left me feeling odd inside, uncomfortable, frightened.
As an adult, the recollections of what you witnessed as a child sometimes come back and involuntarily attempt to decipher the mystery behind those sinister scenes.
The details are vague – when? where? who? why? All I know is what I saw.
I think I am a hazard to myself sometimes. I was washing some dishes the other evening (at around half past eleven at night), and just slightly knocked a wine glass, which toppled over onto the sideboard and just smashed to smithereens – what kind of quality is that? That wine glass is at least seven years old, so it has done fairly well.
Anyway…I was tired…part of me had decided to go to bed and leave the dishes until the following morning, but the part of me that knows leaving dishes is never a good idea decided to push on and wash wash wash. When the wine glass smashed, I was so tired that I did something really stupid. I reached out my hand and started scooping the glass towards the bin cupboard.
Soon, there was not just glass to clear up but blood as well. I know! I started to wash my hands and grabbed some plasters I keep in the kitchen drawer and wrapped up my fingers and hand in Elastoplast. Then I went about clearing up the glass on the side in a more rational manner. Only…I was so tired, I don’t think I did as thorough job as I ought to.
The next morning, I was making coffee and rushing to get ready to work and I put my hand down on the side…and another shard of glass stuck in me. Ouch!!
It is broken glass. Just broken glass. I will heal up soon enough and get over it. However…it feels like a reminder. A reminder that this time of year is going to be tough for me. If you are not sure why…have a peek at some of my older posts.
SMASHING AND SHATTERING MY NERVES
I love summer…but this is when my brain starts playing games – aching memories, haunting recollections, triggers to a trauma I wish I could hide in a capsule and launch into outer-space in the direction of a black hole or a supernova that would obliterate it into a zillion unrecoverable pieces.
I started a new job back in November. I don’t know whether I should mention to my colleagues that this time of year I seem to face a wave of flashbacks and triggers to trauma that make my pulse race and cause unusual erratic panic in me. Would it help to talk about it? Or would they ask me a baggage of questions I don’t want to answer? Tough decision to make.
I know so many people who are getting married this summer. We have received over twenty invitations to weddings…and regrettably there is no way we can attend all of them.
Of course the one wedding that we do plan to attend…
…IS OURS!!!
Jim Adams aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: HIP HOP RAP
There are two tracks that I was torn between for today. I think most of us think of The Sugarhill Gang’s “Rappers Delight”…and what a phenomenal track it is. But I have gone for another HUGE hit!
This track brings back memories of one of my bosses dancing whenever she did something clever at work and achieved results. The ultimate track for boasting in a comidic manner. This is the one and only MC Hammer with”U Can’t Touch This”.
My, my, my, my music hits me so hard Makes me say, "Oh my Lord, Thank you for blessing me With a mind to rhyme and two hype feet." It feels good, when you know you're down A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown And I'm known as such And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch I told you homeboy (You can't touch this) Yeah, that's how we living and you know (You can't touch this) Look in my eyes, man (You can't touch this) Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics (You can't touch this) Fresh new kicks, and pants You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance So move, outta your seat And get a fly girl and catch this beat While it's rolling, hold on Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on Like that, like that Cold on a mission so fall on back Let 'em know, that you're too much And this is a beat, uh, they can't touch Yo, I told you (You can't touch this) Why you standing there, man? (You can't touch this) Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucker (You can't touch this) Give me a song, or rhythm Make 'em sweat, that's what I'm giving 'em now, They know You talking about the Hammer you talking about a show That's hyped, and tight Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe Or a tape, to learn What's it gonna take in the 90s to burn The charts? Legit Either work hard or you might as well quit That's word because you know... You can't touch this Break it down! Stop! Hammer time! Go with the flow, it is said If you can't groove to this then you probably are dead So wave your hands in the air Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair This is it, for a winner Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner Move, slide your rump Just for a minute let's all do the bump, bump, bump, bump Yeah... (You can't touch this) Look, man (You can't touch this) You better get hype, boy, because you know you can't (You can't touch this) Ring the bell, school's back in Break it down! Stop! Hammer time! You can't touch this Break it down! Stop! Hammer time! Every time you see me The Hammer's just so hype I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic Now why would I ever stop doing this? With others making records that just don't hit I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay It's "Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer" And the rest can go and play You can't touch this (Yeah) You can't touch this (I told you) You can't touch this (Too hype) Can't touch this (Yeah, we outta here) Can't touch this Written by: Rick James, Alonzo Miller, and Stanley Kirk Burrell
Spring has prompted a wonderful spurt of lush growth. That sublime mix of fresh green foliage peppering an sky of eternal blue – bliss!!!
However…
On my way to work, I have to pass under a tunnel of green – and as I look down at the pavement, I cannot help think “I know what happened here!” I am referring to colossal quantities of birdy poop – lots and lots and lots of it – suggesting those birdies perhaps ate something that did not agree with their tummies.
Whenever I pass under those green branches…I try to run as fast as I can, for fear of the punishment – birdy plop landing in my hair or on my clothes. Nothing like that to stimulate the pulse first thing in the morning!
I was not the only person to find themselves walking to work singing “Simply The Best” to themselves after some lovely tributes to the sensational Tina Turner.
I read something very moving this morning about a decision she took to flee domestic violence decades ago and that not knowing what would happen next.
It has been my honour to work with many women who have likewise fled homes where they were being abused. Some of them were almost completely dependent on their husband or partner financially, and they were petrified at what would happen next. Such courageous women to leave when they owned nothing.
I also read that Tina Turner was in her forties when she really hit big time – which is so great! Ladies – it has been said before, but it is worth saying again and again and again:
“…don’t let anybody tell you you’re ever past your prime!”
– Michelle Yeo
I don’t often drink champagne, but at an event earlier this year, I sipped a glass of bubbly, and carelessly voiced my opinion that there was no character or flavour in that particular flute.
I had no idea of the impact of my words!
Since then, Jack has been introducing me to a wide array of fizz so that he can be sure that on our wedding day, I enjoy whatever I sip at our matrimonial celebrations.
Well, we think we have found the perfect bubbly. I am not sure it is genuine champagne, but it is a sparkling wine – a Brut (I have no idea how to classify wines) and it is full of flavour – oh my – apples, cinnamon, caramel. It is ridiculously lovely! Which makes it the perfect fit really – it is ridiculously lovely that I am marrying Jack.
That is a cause for celebration – a great excuse for bubbles if ever there was one!
We all knew that anyway…but my lovely friend Annette has been so generous with her time and creativity lately, employing her new video production skills (thanks to her nephew) to produce video content to sort of advertise or market my Annabelle Riley books. (See her Instagram video below!) I think I am going to nominate her as my Creative Director.
I love my books. I love my characters. I love the story-line. Writing this story was massively fulfilling for me. The story is an epic journey. I am a little shy about they whole marketing side of self-publishing / independent publishing. It does not come naturally. I have been working unpaid for charities and working part time for money – so I don’t do anything to make money. My printed books are priced at the minimum allowable price – which means whenever anyone buys a printed copy – I don’t make any money. My kindle versions are around the $/£2.99 mark after everyone told me if I put them up at less, people might think they are buying a meager offering. I do realize there is nothing meager about these books.
Jack (who has been a great Marketing and Promotions Manager – he wants to know why I wrote Manager and not Director!) has been the driving force behind most of my book sales, because he is not shy of mentioning them. But I have asked him not to put them on his social media platforms because of the way some of his fans have treated me in the past. I don’t want them to ruin this for me. As I imagine many writers feel, the books, the characters, the story I penned are quite sacred to me in some ways and although I do realize that any book, or any foodie dish, music, art, film will have people who enjoy it, people who will not enjoy it…I am scared that some of his fans could lash out at me through something so close to my heart.
So, I am grateful that Jack has spread his enthusiasm by word-of-mouth to people he knows and trusts. I am also touched and deeply grateful to the support of Robert and Annette who have shared their enthusiasm for my writing in their circle. Their support is overwhelming. Annette – Lady Lewis – has been learning the craft of video production lately. She has now produced a trailer or teaser, to set the scene for the story that begins in Blackwood, Wisconsin…and becomes an epic journey of friendships, life lessons, romance, regrets, challenges, weaknesses, recovery, and so much more!
Here is the new trailer! It is up on my Amazon Author Page – but as we have learnt, you cannot see it on the US Amazon. If you are curious, you can see it on Amazon.co.uk though.
Lately, I have been starting to tingle in anticipation. Jack and me – me and Jack – we have plans – big plans. It is exciting. It is inspiring. I am feeling so full of life and love, joy and wonder – how is it we are so close to being legally “one flesh”? Pretty rock ‘n’ roll cool as custard if you ask me! Life is phenomenally sensational. The storms – they come…and they go…and we surf the wave all the way to what I guess they call victory!
I love in a well known part of London. There are lots of great things about this area – there is a buzz – beautiful parks, artisan bakeries, fascinating history, friendly people here to relax and enjoy their time. If you live in an area frequented by tourists and visitors, you will know that excitement that lots of happy people bring to a locality.
However…you may also know the disadvantages that come along with a deluge of strangers – who may at times relax a bit too much and make a lot of noise, leave a lot of litter, make it difficult for the actual residents to relax in or near to their own homes.
Pros and cons. I saw something the other day that I could not just walk past and ignore. I spoke out and said something to the party in question – and explained that what they were doing was really “not ok”. At the time, I did not feel any fear or nerves, I just felt shocked at what I saw and felt compelled to say something. They obviously thought I was a bit of a nuisance, a killjoy, but I pointed out to them that it was daytime, and there were children around, and lots of people who would be as shocked and offended as I was.
I want people to come here and enjoy themselves – but not in a way that casts aside all common decency and consideration. That is not ok!
Caramel 