The Great Phone Dilemma

my phone.jpgMost of my friends know that I am pretty hopeless when it comes to mobile phones. I wasn’t always quite so dysfunctional as I am now. I completely ignore my mobile phone when I am at home, I have a landline. My new mobile does not receive signal in this house. A guy recently told me that the reason nobody can get mobile signal in this house is because of the underfloor heating. Who knows if he is right? We had just presumed that it is because the walls are so solid.

For years my mobile phone was always someone else’s cast off. People would give me a phone and I would pay to top up the credit Eventually someone introduced me to a smart phone. Along with the smartphone came Instagram, Whatsapp and other phone apps (I cannot remember what they were all called) which gave me the chance to send and receive communications with photos and videos as well as text.

its odd.jpgI was baffled by the hundreds of photos that arrived on a daily basis – what people were having for breakfast, lunch, dinner, their pets, their new this, their new that, their dream this and their dream that, holiday spam, nights out on the town, days out at the fair, even pregnancy scans – it was all becoming a bit nuts! What was weird was the scale – the sheer quantity of posts and that the interconnections were so vast and sprawling.

You may be aware, if you have read my STORM IN A TEA-CUP series that I had a very bad experience which was magnified by the use of these – what do they call them? – social media apps? Rumours and gossip, slander spread like wildfire. The subjects of which were Jack and me. Anyway…I have not had a smart phone for the past four years.

smart phone.jpgWhen I was in Australia I promised Goldfinch I will get myself one as it will make it easier to keep in touch with him, Only…I haven’t yet. I am so reluctant. I want to be able to communicate more easily with Goldfinch, but I dread the thought of having the burden of a smart phone again. What a dilemma! Only I love him you see. Have I mentioned that before? And love makes you do things you don’t really want to do.

I have a little basic phone – which is really lousy I have to admit. It won’t allow me to send text messages to Australia. I often forget to take it out with me. My friends get cross because they are ringing and texting my mobile and it is on my bedside table or in a coat pocket in my closet.

I find it very hard to use. The key pad is strange and it takes forever to type a message. So I have been sending less and less text messages. Nowadays I use my landline a lot and I use e–mails a lot. And the mobile phone is forgotten, neglected and abandoned.

weird callsHowever…today, I had to show a builder around my flat. And I noticed my debit card and my little mobile were on the coffee table, so I picked them up and put them in my pocket. And it was because the phone was in my pocket that I felt it buzzing (I keep it on silent all the time) and pulled it out of my pocket.

Can you imagine my delight when I saw it was Goldfinch???!!! I was happy right down to my toes all afternoon because I heard his gorgeous voice. And I went to bed feeling so glad to be in love.

If you are in love. If you are married or in a relationship – then please do something for me. Ring your spouse or partner. It doesn’t matter if you only spoke this morning, or if they are in the next room. Just ring them and tell them that you were thinking of them and that you just called to say that you loved them.

Because something like that is priceless. it’s enough to make your loved one forget all sorts of sad things and to to feel happiness right down to their toes all day long!

A Little Love For Breakfast

I have woken up today feeling so much happier than yesterday. Which is good because I have three longs days of work ahead of me.

I started to feel a bit low yesterday. It was weighing on my mind how it will feel once Goldfinch has gone. But I cheered myself up by chatting with family on the phone, ironing, cleaning the little nest and hanging out with friends last night.

I will be fine. But I can tell my emotions are a little bit topsy-turvy right now. I think it’s because some of those who know he is going are saying kind of silly things to me:

  • You need to get on a plane and follow him
  • He’s obviously not “the one”
  • You’ll find someone else as soon as he is gone – they will be queuing up for you
  • God has someone else in mind for you

Though I am sure any of my friends who have said similar things mean well, I am a little aghast at how little some of them know me or forget the health challenges I have to deal with. Goldfinch has been perfect for Mel Finch. He has made the past year sparkle! My regard for Goldfinch moved a long way past chemical hormonal surges to something far deeper and intrinsically valuable over the course of this year.

I found myself becoming provoked a few days ago as several people said kind of silly things to me. I found the words to try to explain to a friend how far from the truth some of the remarks I was receiving are:

Don’t you think I would be getting on a plane to go back to Australia with Goldfinch if things were any other way? (referring to my head injuries)

It is what it is! This is my challenge, and I am doing a fantastic job of dealing with it and keeping my smiles up. And I will make sure that those who are nearest and dearest to me are as prepared as can be. I would not have allowed myself this wonderful year with Goldfinch if he didn’t know everything about my situation and what to do if I pass out or am sick.

I am not searching for the “one”…, neither do I expect my Maker to be my celestial matchmaker. Just because my Goldfinch is going to be on the other side of the planet, I am not going to be wearing a badge that reads “Come on boys!” Right now, the thought of any other man touching me makes me feel quite ill.

Love is not selfish. I am not in a Hollywood chick-flick or a romance novel. I am already blessed beyond measure, with family and friends here who have been a support, and will continue to be a support as I deal with the effects of my head injuries. Why on earth should I ask Goldfinch to stay away from his beautiful house, family, friends, for longer than he had originally intended – when my head injuries are playing games with me? Or perhaps even more unrealistic – why should I go with him to Australia, where I would have to build a new world of friends, when I have a family and world of friends who are anxious over me here…and risk becoming home-sick, lonely, isolated and forlorn – and needing to rely more and more on Goldfinch physically, or perhaps in other ways, like financially, if I am not well enough to work?

set free.jpgAnyway…I made my decision long ago…and even though I have come to love Goldfinch more and more and more and more…I am proving my love by giving my all and making sure when he flies away he has nothing but joyful memories.

I have not got the energy to argue with anyone who does not understand and either urges me to go with him to Australia or they flippantly say – “he is obviously not the one or you would go with him”. It’s almost cruel when people who don’t understand doubt whether I really love Goldfinch. I am going to be thanking my Maker for him for the rest of my days! However long they may be.

Whenever I look up and see birds flying free…I will smile knowing that I have made sure Goldfinch can enjoy exactly that. His wings spread wide gleefully and uplifted by the knowledge he is loved! He is  truly loved. 

I am blocking out all worries, all anxieties, all doubts and making the most of each day. I have accepted my limitations. I can skip, hop, jump and run…but I cannot fly…and I will not be flying to Australia with Goldfinch. But I will be happy knowing I made a decision based on unselfish love and I am sending him home full of love.”