2020 Reasons I Love You

Loved, Love, Greeting, Background, Short, Important

I woke up on Thursday 31st December to find an email in my inbox, starting with the words – “READ THIS TONIGHT”. So I obeyed. I had to get to work, so I was more than happy he wanted me to read it later.

His email contained 2020 reasons I love you. He must have been working on it for a very very long time! I have not managed to read all of it yet – I am too sleepy. But as well as a list that goes on and on and on and on – there are some photos of us and some songs – it will take me ages to complete it.

I will go back to his email again and again and again. It seems to be the be-all-and-end-all of love letters. He called me at five minutes to midnight and we had one of those conversations over the phone when you just know the other person is smiling from ear to ear although you cannot see them – (my phone is a tin and a string jobby).

Can I ask you – is there a better way to end the year than trying to read a list someone has compiled of 2020 reasons he loves you? Sometimes Jack simply takes my breath away? I am working this morning, but this afternoon I plan to carry on reading the most sublime love letter I ever received!!!!!!!!!

Oh and guess what was on BBC4 last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it a crime that I have watched “The Sound of Music” twice in five days?

Sometimes all I can feel is joy – sometimes I know nothing else but joy!

With You

Winter, Toy, Vintage, Creative, Play, Color, Christmas

If I was going to be snowed in, stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no choice but to huddle up and try to keep warm until the snow melted and we could carry on our journey….

…I would hope that I would be with you.

You keep me warm on the coldest nights. When you are here, the fading spark within becomes a roaring fire and glows joyfully. I could be marooned anywhere with you and not be afraid.

Focusing On The Wonderful

Jack has made me happier than I would have ever imagined. This time last year, I thought 2020 was going to be wonderful…and I know that technically it has not been particularly a great year in general…but, it has been marvellous for Jack and I, as far as our relationship in concerned.

Now….we are starting 2021 with a lot to look forward to.

No matter what happens…and please don’t think I take anything for granted, I am at peace with Jack, and almost at peace with the past. Despite all obstacles, my life partner, Jack, is on the same page as I am. We are working towards a clean earth, full of thriving creatures. No matter what governments do, no matter what agencies they use, no matter how pervasive propaganda becomes, we are going to keep our eyes focused on the wonderful!

Is It Right To Block Your Fiancé’s Number?

I was up late last night. I kept on wanting to crawl to bed, but then I had an email from Goldfinch and I wanted to reply, and then Jack called and it was way past one o’clock in the morning when I finally drifted to sleep.

Then at half past six this morning, Jack called again to check how I was doing – sigh. He is so lovely, but…well, I was so enjoying my sleep! Bless his cute little dimples!

Well, I struggled to muster any appetite yesterday. I am not sure why. But this morning, my appetite was back to normal. So I used more of the fresh produce in my fridge – why did I buy so much spinach?

Toasted bagel, vegan cheese, poached egg which burst as you can see, sautéed mushrooms and onions and wilted spinach.

Now I am going for a walk! Storm is rolling in tonight! Want to get out there while the weather is still fair!

“Grease” the musical is on the box this evening – I am going to put my phone on silent for that! I do love my darling Jack, but I am almost thinking of blocking his number! Hopelessly devoted….!!!

Did You Feel It Too?

Willow, Tree, Winter, Light, Color, Sky, Clouds, Snow

I took a walk out in the cold evening air. I had no direction in mind, I just wanted to be alone for a few minutes. I wanted to think of you. I called your phone but there was no reply. You were probably busy with your family. I just could not stop thinking of you.

Me in London, you in the Lake District, but really, is there anywhere I could ever go on earth without you being present within me? I survived five years of estrangement from you – five years when we did not speak, we did not see each other, we were disconnected – yet you were always present within. I am not sure there was day that passed when I did not think of you. How could I forget you? After the dramatic affect you had on my life?

I walked on alone and came to a field with a willow tree. It was there that something wonderful happened. I knew you were thinking of me. I knew you were loving me. Deep within a effervescent glow began to emanate and everything around me turned to a wild celebration of joy. I knew that there is nowhere I can ever be without you thrilling my heart and lighting up the world around me.

Thank you for making peace with me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for asking me to be your wife.

Protect Your Nearest And Dearest

Doctor, Surgeon, Hospital, Surgery

After a year of recognizing the hard work of the NHS and other key workers and with many millions, no billions having made many sacrifices, please be sensible today. I really shocked at the weekend when I realized I would not see my family at all, that I would not be able to see anyone at all on my days off because my support bubble (Jack) escaped London before the restrictions were announced. So today – I AM ALL ALONE! Believe me – I plan to make the most of it!!! I have books I want to read, and I have cleaning to do! It will be ok. I will be cooking myself a nice meal and keeping my spirits up. It is weird though hey!

Today there are many thousands upon thousands of people who are caring for very sick people in hospitals and other medical care facilities. Many of them will be working twelve hour shifts. There are always medical workers (and others) who work shifts on bank holidays. The health service is definitely a 24/7/365 enterprise. The work never stops. But this year, we have all been asked to take some sensible precautions to ease the pressure on a tsunami of work that has come along. We have been asked to play our part so that our health service does not have to make dire decisions on who can receive care and who cannot.

Please enjoy your time together, but be mindful that we need to protect each other. Please. Real love involves sacrifice. Please do everything sensible to protect your loved ones while still enjoying the temporary one-day lifting of restrictions.



Wow! Thank you to everyone who has come up with ideas already and plans to drop by to CARAMEL’S COCKTAIL CLUB tomorrow! I am am very excited now!

If you have any ideas that you want to bring along to the party – music, poetry, stories, foodie photos, jokes, or anything that will entertain other bloggers and cheer us up on a day when we might be feeling sorry for ourselves – you are oh so very welcome to get involved.

Many people will have been heartbroken this week when they had to cancel their plans to see their family or close friends (as was I!) but we are going to make sure that Friday is a day when we can still connect and have fun! After all, we have made sacrifices to protect our loved ones – we deserve a party!


You may have heard about the London lockdown which started on Sunday and will mean that thousands like myself will be all alone throughout the holidays. Well, in response I am hosting a virtual party. On Friday – CARAMEL’S COCKTAIL CLUB will be open and very glad to have you drop by!

Until then I am working every day, but I am very excited that there are so many ways we can connect during a time when we would normally be with our loved ones. The theme for CARAMEL’S COCKTAIL CLUB is simply FUN! We want you to bring music, laughter and anything that will warm our hearts and cheer us up at a time when many of us are all alone!

If you are anything like me you may have shed tears on realizing there will be no hugs and games with family and close friends. But we are going to rock being alone over the holidays with one spectacular virtual event!

Remember everyone – we are doing the right thing! We are protecting our loved ones! So we are going to make sure we have the kind of party that we deserve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thank You For Your Extraordinary Sacrifices

Sun Reflection, Color, Colorful, Background, Art

Throughout this year that has presented for some people unprecedented challenges that they have found hard, there have been some outstanding demonstrations of love and unselfishness and endurance. I have been so proud to be a little cog in the NHS system. I am proud of all my colleagues who have gone the extra mile and stayed late and gone without breaks and worn uncomfortable PPE all day – amazing!

Do make sure that if you are resting and relaxing and enjoying time with your nearest and dearest that take practical measures to stay safe. I know it is hard. But we don’t want you or your loved ones being carted in to the very stretched facilities we have. But hey the NHS is fighting for you! I have to say by the stacks of biscuits and chocolates that have poured in these past few weeks it looks as if local people appreciate it.

❤ Please stay safe. We love you. But we don’t want to see you in hospital. ❤

…to anyone who seriously believes this pandemic is a hoax – you must think that my colleagues and I are very odd people to be playing a game with everyone else! Nope – sorry – it is real. But the way you behave can make a difference.

❤ So please do! ❤

If I could record every act of love and unselfishness and extraordinary caring from those who work in the health service and many other key workers who were under pressure this year – that would be something extraordinary to celebrate. But what everyone in the NHS knows is that it is because of you, and you, and you, and you and all of us – quarantining/self isolating when we have symptoms or after travel, washing our hands, wearing those face masks and restricting the way we socialize that has made the biggest difference.

What an extraordinary and wonderful collective act of unselfish love! Thank you for every sacrifice and every considerate choice you have made. We are not out of the woods yet! But please remember – you make a difference.

❤ So please do! ❤

But please don’t undo the good of all the efforts and sacrifices people have made this year. Please don’t make even harder for the NHS. Please enjoy the holidays ahead while remembering that we are still in a very hazardous period. So please be careful. We want you to be as healthy and as happy as possible.

Conquering The Enemy

I have re-published THE STORM IN A TEACUP SERIES over the past couple of months. It is the story of one pivotal week when Jack and I were flatmates. Some of it seems silly, and that is partly because I wanted it to have a light hearted touch. But the reality is – that period in my life is the most painful of my life. A time I should have been so happy, yet I as being pushed to breaking point.

Jack is as familiar with those posts as I am. When I reread them, they have a drastic effect on me. Even though I am now secure in my relationship with Jack, they reignite the pain I remember.

It was tremendously painful!!! Do you know why I don’t believe in karma? Well, I could write about that subject for days actually – I hardly know of a more cruel doctrine. My wonderful parents raised me to love goodness and kindness. I chose to give of my life, my mental abilities and physical energy to volunteering for charities up and down this country until I qualified as a full-time international volunteer. I did not earn any money for five years while working between 40-60 hours every week to help others.

In no possible way did I deserve any of what happened to me!!! I did not deserve to be slandered and maligned by people who had never even met me!!! I certainly did not deserve to be viciously attacked, sexually assaulted and left for dead in a degrading way.

But strangely, I bounced back from those horrific experiences much more quickly than I did over the disaster that was Jack and me. You see, the chaotic and painful misunderstanding and miscommunication with Jack is one of the most painful experiences of my life. I truly feel looking back that someone wanted to hurt me and Jack to the core.

It felt as if someone was manipulating our situation at every stage. As if someone was laughing as they increased the pressure and pushed and pushed us both towards our breaking point. I was plunged into despair. Jack himself almost had a nervous breakdown after I was attacked, one that I was oblivious to because I was recovering from my own injuries.

As I look back I can see that someone had a personal hatred of me. I know who that someone was. He hated the goodness, the kindness, the love that my parents had breathed into us. He hated the unselfish giving of the many volunteers we worked with. He hates goodness. What I suffered was nothing to do with karma. It was because I wanted to be good, to do good and to love goodness!

I don’t feel angry over the individuals who made comments and remarks either outloud or on social media because I see that as a manipulator wielding pawns who did not realize how serious a situation they were contributing to.

Although we may make mistakes and reap the consequences. Although if we plant unhealthy seeds we can expect to grow an unhealthy crop. There is another reason good people suffer. It is because there is an enemy to goodness. He wants to destroy good people. To suggest that all suffering is due to karma is a lie and a deeply cruel one.

But love can conquer and it does conquer. When two people love peace, and they love goodness and they love kindness they can conquer. We are mindful that we have an enemy. But we do not want him to slow us down as we give our all into doing what we know is good and right.