Lately, I have been starting to tingle in anticipation. Jack and me – me and Jack – we have plans – big plans. It is exciting. It is inspiring. I am feeling so full of life and love, joy and wonder – how is it we are so close to being legally “one flesh”? Pretty rock ‘n’ roll cool as custard if you ask me! Life is phenomenally sensational. The storms – they come…and they go…and we surf the wave all the way to what I guess they call victory!
Jack arrived at my little London nest on Friday night and we had very sweet reunion indeed. The following morning, I had to go to work – sigh. I had to go to work. I am contractually obliged to work. My employers pay me wages. I use those wages to pay for my shelter, food and clothing. That is just the way it is.
I enjoyed my day at work, but I kept on thinking about Jack. Jack was back at my little nest and working away on his laptop in my office. Jack had lots and lots to do. It was a good thing that he had some peace and quiet while I was at work.
We finished work late – again – but earlier than usual. I had a little chat with my very very lovely colleague who makes Saturdays a sheer pleasure every single week. Then I walked back to my nest. I had our evening meal all planned – a yummy salad. (Jack and I are going to be having a lot of salads before the wedding.)
When I arrived back home, Jack was standing on the road outside the house. His words to me with his big lovable eyes and his arms wrapping me up into a hug, “I’ve been waiting for you.”
I am sure he only said that in response to me being perhaps up to half an hour later than he had hoped, but when he said it…well, what flashed through my mind was over ten years since we met.
I love him. Sometimes it feels as if I have loved him since the moment I first heard his name. The journey to reach here has been monumental and painful. There have been tears and heartaches, there have been dashed hopes and deep embarrassment, there was bitter hostility and awful estrangement.
But we are here…we are finally here. We have both waited for a very long time to reach here. I am so so sorry that I kept Jack waiting.
It rained today – pretty much all day. I had to do quite a lot of walking around town. Of course, I ended up damp and with tangled hair – bedraggled!
But you know, I just do not mind. My heart was full of love and romance today. I felt like a Bronte heroine – worse for the weather after trailing across the Yorkshire moors, dripping with rain that mingles with tears of passion.
There was a skip in my step. I am in love…and always will be. The weather matters not. It is just gorgeous to feel this way.
Jack is quite an extravert. He is a larger than life sort of character. He is gregarious, energetic, affable, charismatic and he loves people. He has a great sense of humour, he has a brain like a computer and an ability to think outside of the box. Sometimes he reveals areas where he is still like a teenager – I am assured that many men have this same issue. There really is never a dull moment when I am with Jack.
He has been away for a week already, and I will have to wait two and a half weeks before I can see him again. I have lost track of the people who said to me “you must be so lonely”.
I am sure the comment is well-meaning but why would I be lonely? I see scores and scores of people every day. Sure, I miss Jack. I will miss him at weekends especially, but so far, I am fine. I was working with people on Saturday and Sunday and had a drink with friends after work before I went home. I spent some time over the weekend doing things I often don’t have chance to – sorting out my summer wardrobe and putting most of my winter clothes into storage, sewing clothes in need of repair, languishing in a bubble bath deep cleaning my kitchen and bathroom, washing my pillows, sorting out my paperwork. When Jack is around, it is hard to schedule time for those extras.
I love Jack very much but I am capable of functioning without him. I am in no way bored of my own company, nor am I lonely. This past weekend, it felt wonderful to have a little time to myself. But yes, of course I am longing for him to return. He makes life so much fun!!!
Frequently, I still feel as if it was just last week when I left school. I still do not feel like an adult. Adult experiences still sort of unnerve me. I think because I profoundly disagree with the worldwide social, political, economic system and have sought to avoid becoming entangled with it, I have lived a lot of my life feeling free, able to give my time and energy to things that feel truly important.
Naturally, the friends I have drawn closest to have shared the same view, the same vision, the same yearning for something so much better than the monstrously inadequate current way of mismanaging things. But over the years, many of my friends have had to make decisions as a new and precious responsibility was assigned to them. They experienced the wonder of becoming parents. They had to make changes to their lifestyle in order to care for their incredible gift.
I was talking to a friend last night. We have been friends since we were teenagers. She is a mother of three beautiful little girls. She was telling me about some of the dramas in their family just in the past month. They have been to A&E four times in a month with their three daughters. It would seem the girls are attracted to danger.
While my friend was talking…I was thinking back to four years ago. Four while years ago. It seems so crazy. I was almost a mother. A life, a unique and precious human was growing inside of me, developing intricately and miraculously. I felt a sense of mourning today…for all sorts of reasons. I miss friends I have lost, beloved friends, relatives, and the precious little child that I lost when she (or he) was just the size of an apricot. I am comforted that she lays peacefully near to my family in Snowdonia. She will always be a part of me. A precious and epic part of my voyage of a lifetime.
Her father will always be a part of me. Whether he needs to be or not – he will always be one of my most treasured friends. Whether he needs to be or not. What he allowed me to experience – makes him sacred to me.
im Adams aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: BLUEGRASS
I know the distinct sound of Bluegrass, but before this week I could never have cited to you the name of a single Bluegrass track. I found a long list on t’internet, and listened to a bunch of songs, some of them mostly instrumental. I picked a track to feature today which captures the iconic sound of this genre, which reminds me so much of folke music from all corners of the British Isles. The strings blended together in a very energetic and raucous manner. This makes me think of music we dance to at a cailedh.
The track I have chosen is called “Nine Pound Hammer”, and this is a live performance from Tony Rice and a team of musicians. I understand that Tony Rice is a much acclaimed Bluegrass artist and has been very influential on other musicians who have embraced this genre.
Well, this nine pound hammer is a little too heavy For my size, honey for my size I'm goin' on the mountain, gonna see my baby And I ain't comin' back, Lord I ain't comin' back Oh, roll on buddy, don't you roll so slow How can I go when my wheels won't roll Roll on buddy, pull a load o'coal How can I go when my wheels won't roll Well, it's a long way to Harlem, it's a long way to Hazard Just to get a little brew, just to get a little brew Now when I'm long gone you can make my tombstone Out of number nine coal, out of number nine coal Roll on buddy, don't you roll so slow How can I go when my wheels won't roll Oh, roll on buddy, pull a load o'coal How can I go when my wheels won't roll Written by: Merle Travis
My advice is…if you possibly can…choose friends who can cook! Yet again, Jack and I have been wined and dined and just generally spoilt by great friends who seem intent on fattening the two of us before our wedding.
I am certainly not complaining!!! One of the best things about life is sharing a meal with friends and family. It is a joyous thing that brings you closer. I am never so satisfied as when we are all together, laughter and music fill the air, delicious food bringing a smile to everyone.
Last night, our host produced a spring casserole (which had my new favourite veggie – asparagus) and we had some truffled mashed potato with it. It was oh so good. Happy happy days.
The Bridegroom to be has had the most fabulous idea on how to make sure that we please everybody when we get married and also enjoy our wedding without it being stressful.
After almost a year of intense questions that are impossible to answer from all sort of lovely people who will not be our wedding guests, Jack agrees that the two of use need to think outside of the box about our wedding.
Being engaged to someone as high profile as Jack – the level of interest it incurs, it can make you feel incredible isolated, vulnerable, cornered…and frightened. That may seem strange…I can only explain it in the context of the nightmare that dragged on for over two years. I am not going to allow myself to be the target again. Our most special, sacred occasion – it is going to be protected.
Jack has an amazing plan – and he has already put it into action. This past weekend, he revealed all to me. I am so so so soooooooooooo thrilled!!! I love the bridegroom to be. I love the way he thinks.
Jack has filled me with happiness this week. So…I am baking for him (and more particularly, a group of youths he has a regular training session with) which I know will make him very happy.
I found a brownie recipe with peanuts, peanut butter and jam…it looks great.
I really love to do things to make Jack smile…to make Jack happy…it is a new dimension to my purpose in life these past three years – and it feels so good!
What I love the most though…is that this time four years ago…he and were still estranged. But so much has happened. Forgiveness, peace, joy and love – they are such powerful forces.
Well…I admit, there is something rather lovely about romantic surprises. Please forgive me if I have a skip in my step and a song in my voice all week…I think I am shamelessly in love.
I was already in love – but a twist of romance seems to heighten the giddy excitement of love. It is a sweet sweet feeling – one that I wish I could bottle up for rainy days.
Caramel 