I just thought I should mention that I am still republishing a bunch of posts from last year. In 2018 I published a lot about Caramel and Goldfinch, and because of my trip to Australia and not having so much time to write fresh material, I started to republish them.
So I know it might be a bit confusing. Especially this week’s posts – they refer to a week last year when Goldfinch was abroad without the phone I used to keep in touch with him. He had told me he would be going away but I had forgotten, and I thought he was upset with me because we had disagreed over Jack. But that was last year.
I looked at the post I have scheduled to be published tomorrow morning, and I realized that I had written it in the midst of my miserable assumption that Goldfinch had cut off contact with me and didn’t want to speak to me. But as you will see from my posts, the very same day that I posted that, I managed to speak to Goldfinch on his work phone…and that changed everything!!!
Everything is fine now, in fact everything is wonderful. I am slowly working on posts about my time in Australia, I have just had a lot of catching up to do with friends and family and things to sort out here, which is why I am depending so much on old posts to keep my blog alive and kicking.
Just a reminder that my 05:58am GMT scheduled posts are mostly republished posts from this time last year. I think I might be confusing some readers. Last summer Goldfinch was living in England (he was here for work). I thought he was upset with me about something…
I am not certain but I think it is the weight of this burden on my heart of all that happened between me and my ex-flatmate. It’s daft, but it is exhausting to relive all those words and looks and thoughts and feelings.
For over three years I have been trying to work out what happened and what went wrong and I have narrowed it down to the week I have been relating to you, the week after that cup of tea with my flatmate. That was key to what happened afterwards. The following months were agony. Neither of us were brave enough to sit down and talk again, so the situation became unbearable because we did not communicate, we just hurt each other it seemed.
I stood up and said I had better be getting back home. Seconds later, I was on my knees after huge strength pushed me down by the shoulder and I remember with a shudder the words, “You’re not going anywhere.” I am never going to write a post about what happened between that moment and waking up the next morning in an ambulance – it is not going to happen. It is something I do not need to relive or write about.
It is a big grey cloud that hangs over me and sometimes blocks out the sunshine. Even worse, it has perhaps led me to sabotage my wonderful relationship with my gorgeous Goldfinch who gave me his frank opinion of my ex-flatmate last weekend.
Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, the creator of 
The highlight of the outbound flight from London Heathrow to Adelaide Australia was finding The Sound Of Music was one of the movies available on the on-board entertainment channels. If you were the passenger with the long legs, wearing Doc Martins, and casting a surly glare in my direction, yes that was me singing and dancing in the aisle.
I am content with the outer me. I am a little self-conscious of the right side of my head after my head injuries. My feet are a little clunky. But they are alright, I should not complain about them after the way I treat them! Sometimes my tummy looks too bloated, but I have decided that is normal, and nothing to be overly concerned about.
What do I like least?? Hmm. As I said above, I am pretty content on the whole. I suppose my eye-brows are a bit odd. They are almost an non-entity. They are there, but I can’t really do anything with them. They are wispy and faint. I see other people’s eye-brows and I wonder why mine look so malnourished. They are not ugly in themselves, but they don’t enhance my face at all. But I think if you are going to start trying to enhance your eye-brows you need to be cautious. I look at the eye-bows of some women and they are scary, which frankly puts me off from trying to change my eye-brows. But still…some women get it so right and they look amazing.
My family, especially my parents. I think they are gorgeous. I often think of their incredible example of being faithful, hard-working, reliable, humble, kind, cheerful, fun-loving, patient and modest. My Dad who has been window-cleaning since I was six months old, up and down a ladder countless times day after day, and training us to work for our pocket money. My mum who has worked as a nurse, as well as washing and ironing clothes, cooking and cleaning and training all of us in all aspects of house-keeping.
I love that they taught us such valuable lessons and they lived by those lessons themselves. They practised what they preached as it were. They were honest about their mistakes, they involved us in major family decisions. I remember their words and many experiences we shared, but it is their shining example I am so proud to have. They have been and still are wonderful role-models and wonderful friends to me and my siblings. I could not have asked for a better start in life. It’s easy to love my parents because they are so very lovable anyway.
A happy mix of healthy emotions. I thrive on all my interactions with people. My family, friends and others. People make me tick. Life is not fulfilling if you are isolated. But fill your life with good people (and yes they are imperfect so there will be some stress at times with working out occasional misunderstandings and overcoming challenges that occur due to imperfection), and you seem to have tremendous energy and always an invitation to go here, there and everywhere.
I have always been sporty. For years we swam competitively, so I have great stamina. But since my head injuries I have had some issues with my breathing if I push my heart too much. So I have had to tone down my physical activity. I still love walking and swimming. I love to visit interesting places like museums and National Trust properties. I love spending time with friends. I like baking. I am enjoying trying to write a little on this blog and reading all the posts from other bloggers.
Yes. Our Creator made hundreds of millions of creatures like him before he ever created creatures made of matter. The scriptures refer to these creatures as angels, but the words used for “angel” in the original languages the scriptures were penned in, also mean “messenger”. They often served in this capacity.
I am happy with my own company. But I thrive on being around people.
But of course I have a favourite person. If I could have dinner with anyone, it would of course be Goldfinch. Somewhere wonderful, were we could look out on stunning scenery or a sunset or the night stars. I would try to cook something he would love…and I would of course make a naughty pudding. And, I hope he would be able to stay over for the night 😉
The only real cloud that casts it’s shadow over me is my head after I received severe injuries when I was attacked. It is a problem.
I want to go back to my career, but it’s too risky for them to send me on international assignments. If I met someone who loved me and wanted to build a life with me…well, I would be so anxious because I don’t know what will happen to me. I don’t want to become dependant on someone and become a burden to them. Nor do I want to let someone fall in love with me and then lose me. I think I would find it easier to be more confidant if I did not have so many black-outs and episodes with difficult breathing. It scares me sometimes. I am not scared of dying. But I hold back from some aspects of life because it is distressing to find myself in A&E.
People say the loveliest things encouraging me to stay positive. I am positive, but I am stuck in a situation that is confining my options and I don’t know how long for and what will be the outcome. So, for the moment, I just carry on living life one day at a time and enjoying it. There is a wonderful man in my life whom I love and because of the 10,100 miles that separate us, I can love him without being scared of being a burden. I am near to my family. They want that. The NHS (the free health service here in England) are doing a grand job of looking after me, and for the most part I am ticking over very well.
Caramel 