I am really really missing Goldfinch at the moment. I have been missing him from the moment he left, but with this painful disappointment I have had recently, I cannot tell you how much I have wanted to have his arms wrapped around me.
Nights are so lonely without him. I feels so wrong to be alone and not to have him wrapping me up and holding me close.
I have tried so hard not to be a burden to him in any way. But he has been very supportive and empathetic. I ought to write one day about the strong desire I have not to be a burden to those I love. It does mean that often I choose not to say how sad I might be.
But I found over the weekend that despite being with great friends and having a lot to keep me busy, I kept on thinking of him. All I want in the whole wide world is to be resting next to him with his heart beating a few inches from mine and his warm embrace holding me tight.
It can’t have been easy for him…although I hope he has not been burdened in any way, I think he has been stunned by the sad news. He has said some very lovely things – and of course that means so much. But all I want is to be in his arms.
I often feel as if I don’t have much to offer in return. I would do anything remotely helpful…whether that be cooking, cleaning, ironing, gardening, washing the car – anything. I would do anything to be able to be wrapped up in those arms each night.
Why on earth did he have to be from the opposite side of the planet?
Caramel 