I am really really missing Goldfinch at the moment. I have been missing him from the moment he left, but with this painful disappointment I have had recently, I cannot tell you how much I have wanted to have his arms wrapped around me.
Nights are so lonely without him. I feels so wrong to be alone and not to have him wrapping me up and holding me close.
I have tried so hard not to be a burden to him in any way. But he has been very supportive and empathetic. I ought to write one day about the strong desire I have not to be a burden to those I love. It does mean that often I choose not to say how sad I might be.
But I found over the weekend that despite being with great friends and having a lot to keep me busy, I kept on thinking of him. All I want in the whole wide world is to be resting next to him with his heart beating a few inches from mine and his warm embrace holding me tight.
It can’t have been easy for him…although I hope he has not been burdened in any way, I think he has been stunned by the sad news. He has said some very lovely things – and of course that means so much. But all I want is to be in his arms.
I often feel as if I don’t have much to offer in return. I would do anything remotely helpful…whether that be cooking, cleaning, ironing, gardening, washing the car – anything. I would do anything to be able to be wrapped up in those arms each night.
Why on earth did he have to be from the opposite side of the planet?