TOM Just Makes It Worse! (But It Will Soon Pass)

Despite all my worrying, things have been working out. I need to be strict and stick to this tight budget. I need to keep going at this crazy pace for a while longer. I need to be organized and make sure that closer to my trip to Australia, I allow enough time to do all the things that it is just too early to do now – including packing, which I will be so excited about.

It will all be alright. And by the time I reach Australia, I will be so relieved, I am sure I will be more than ready for a holiday and to abandon all in the arms of my gorgeous Goldfinch!

But here is the third and, I hope, final aspect if the feelings that have overwhelmed me recently. I have been feeling yuck! It’s a toxic mixture of tiredness and the horrid and very unwelcome feeling of inadequacy. I hate it. I have been looking in the mirror and seeing every unwanted lump and bump. I detest having split ends, but I have to wait. I feel as of I am looking tired…sunken eyes, haggard face and blotchy skin. 😦

I started to think…”Goldfinch is going to be so utterly disappointed when I arrive and he sees me looking like this. He is not going to want me walking next to him. He is not going to feel attracted to me.” I was starting to think that maybe I should not even go. But after shelling out close to £1000, there is no way I can not go! That would be a terrible outcome.

bloating.jpgAnd then…to top it all, my tummy started to bloat. I couldn’t understand it, I had been losing weight, so I didn’t understand why my tummy was all swollen. And then one morning I woke up at 4am with huge cramps. It was TOM!!! (Time Of Month) No wonder I felt so sludgy and erratic emotionally. If you are a man, please do not feel obliged to read this.

It might just be in my head, but I feel as if since I lost my little apricot, I have a worse time when it is my TOM. I never used to have cramping like this. And I don’t think I have felt my mood sink quite so low. It’s a good job I live on my own, so nobody else has had to put up with me while I have been erratically crying over silly things. Normally I just charge through my TOM without it slowing me down, occasionally with the help of an ibuprofen at night time if I did feel some discomfort.

Well, hopefully within the next couple of days, my tummy, my mood and my excitement about going to Australia will all return to normal! Course it will!!!!! Deep down….I have collywobbles about going!!! If you don’t know what collywobbles are, don’t ask me. But I am not referring o the symptoms of my period.

In the meantime, I have to do some serious catching up with the posts published by other bloggers – this week has sucked up all my time – work has been chock-blocka. I do realize I have fallen way behind, and I am sorry. I know how much effort everyone puts into their posts…I am going to do my best to speed-read as much as I can over the weekend.

I meant to do some reading last night, but I came home after a fifteen hour work day last night and all I could do was this:

27 thoughts on “TOM Just Makes It Worse! (But It Will Soon Pass)”

    1. ❤ ❤ ❤
      I have one of those faces that cannot hide how I am feeling! (which sometimes betrays me because it reveals that I think the person yabbering on at me is disturbing!) so I think you are right, Goldfinch is going to see me absolutely thrilled with being back with him. Hopefully, that will be a pretty sight for him to see.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I know it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing but I honestly find that gentle exercise eases stomach cramps for me. Mine got much worse in my thirties and forties but are tailing off now, which is one positive about getting older I guess! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Normally if I feel cramps during the day, I make sure I go out walking or running. But at night, I do this strange thing a nurse told us to do when she came to visit us at high school to talk about periods. I lie on the floor with my legs up in the air. Normally after a few minutes the discomfort eases and I am so tired I fall asleep and my legs come crashing down.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am with you on the emotional outbursts. I can cry at the slightest thing. And I mean slightest. Such as someone thanking me. It passes. Always does. Sucks while it is going on but I have tried to learn to realize what is going on with me so I don’t wonder if I am going crazy or slipping. Hugs to you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s true, being aware of what is going on with your body and that your hormones are fluctuating does help you to reassure you that you have not lost your grip completely.
      I think because I am juggling so much at the moment, and have to be so strict about finances etc, I was all ready to start blubbing he moment my period drew close!


    1. Thank you Gary.
      After travelling for over 23 hours…I would be delighted if I looked stunning. I will be happy!!! Goldfinch will be wonderful as always…I can hear him now “Hey Gorgeous” and I am hoping for a huge hug, before he helps us make a quick exit from the airport.
      I have a lot of work on before I go. But I also have a couple of weddings to go to and I am still excepting every dinner invitation I receive (saves me so much money!!!)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I know full well how next-to-impossible it can feel like…

    … but do your best not to over-think things. Life was never meant to be ‘perfect’, just live it and enjoy the bits that feel good while they are there and let the not to good stuff slip away from you. What will be will be.

    Take a tip or two from Bereaved Dad and fight the negatives with absurdity if they get a little overwhelming.

    You’ll be fine! 🙂


    1. You know Bob…I am alright with my life not being perfect…
      …what I do find hard is that I want to be perfect for Goldfinch.
      I like who I am and I am content with the way I look. I love that I have worked as a volunteer and only ever earned enough money to cover my needs and have turned my nose up at the commercial world. I love that.
      But sometimes I wish that I could wake up looking like a supermodel and that I have a few million appear in my bank account because if that happened I would have the confidence to tell Goldfinch I do not want to live on the opposite side of the planet from him.
      But while I am just average, and all my possessions fit into two suitcases…I always try to remember that I am to enjoy every moment with him and then get back on the plane and come back to England without making any fuss.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I would suggest that you be the best you can be for yourself and if that is not ‘good enough’ for someone else then they really are not the one for you.

        Perfection is an impossible goal. ( I also know from personal experience is it not a nice thing to live with or feel like you have to live up to for us less-than-perfect human beings!)

        When you live up to your own expectations you should have the confidence of being good enough for any man. I suspect your modesty and not feeling confident is not helping the relationships you may have and is not allowing what you deserve to come into your life.

        If you have that ‘spark’, and if you have used your head wisely then sometimes it is necessary to give yourself just a little ‘push’ and go and get what you know you want.

        Of course it would make better sense if the two of you want the same things, or enough of them to be able overcome the differences. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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