Despite all my worrying, things have been working out. I need to be strict and stick to this tight budget. I need to keep going at this crazy pace for a while longer. I need to be organized and make sure that closer to my trip to Australia, I allow enough time to do all the things that it is just too early to do now – including packing, which I will be so excited about.
It will all be alright. And by the time I reach Australia, I will be so relieved, I am sure I will be more than ready for a holiday and to abandon all in the arms of my gorgeous Goldfinch!
But here is the third and, I hope, final aspect if the feelings that have overwhelmed me recently. I have been feeling yuck! It’s a toxic mixture of tiredness and the horrid and very unwelcome feeling of inadequacy. I hate it. I have been looking in the mirror and seeing every unwanted lump and bump. I detest having split ends, but I have to wait. I feel as of I am looking tired…sunken eyes, haggard face and blotchy skin. 😦
I started to think…”Goldfinch is going to be so utterly disappointed when I arrive and he sees me looking like this. He is not going to want me walking next to him. He is not going to feel attracted to me.” I was starting to think that maybe I should not even go. But after shelling out close to £1000, there is no way I can not go! That would be a terrible outcome.
And then…to top it all, my tummy started to bloat. I couldn’t understand it, I had been losing weight, so I didn’t understand why my tummy was all swollen. And then one morning I woke up at 4am with huge cramps. It was TOM!!! (Time Of Month) No wonder I felt so sludgy and erratic emotionally. If you are a man, please do not feel obliged to read this.
It might just be in my head, but I feel as if since I lost my little apricot, I have a worse time when it is my TOM. I never used to have cramping like this. And I don’t think I have felt my mood sink quite so low. It’s a good job I live on my own, so nobody else has had to put up with me while I have been erratically crying over silly things. Normally I just charge through my TOM without it slowing me down, occasionally with the help of an ibuprofen at night time if I did feel some discomfort.
Well, hopefully within the next couple of days, my tummy, my mood and my excitement about going to Australia will all return to normal! Course it will!!!!! Deep down….I have collywobbles about going!!! If you don’t know what collywobbles are, don’t ask me. But I am not referring o the symptoms of my period.
In the meantime, I have to do some serious catching up with the posts published by other bloggers – this week has sucked up all my time – work has been chock-blocka. I do realize I have fallen way behind, and I am sorry. I know how much effort everyone puts into their posts…I am going to do my best to speed-read as much as I can over the weekend.
I meant to do some reading last night, but I came home after a fifteen hour work day last night and all I could do was this: