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Before And After

Do you have a major marker in your life? An event that changed the course of your life in some respects? A signpost that indicates the way life was before and the way life has been since?

I know that I am not the only one who has been through a life-changing event. In June it will be four years since I was the victim of a serious crime. Before that night I had been through a period of intense stress in connection with my flatmate Jack.

I saw Jack several times that day. I saw him when I was heading out to enjoy an evening with friends. I could not forget him while I was with my friends. He had been in the elevator on his own when the doors opened on my floor. I did not want to be in the elevator on my own with him. I stepped back and let the doors close. I walked down the stairs instead. It was hard to receive hostile cold glares from him. There was a huge surge of pain and despair that I was hiding from everyone. I don’t think anyone realized how heart-broken I was.

One of the girls who lived near me wanted to drive me home, but I said I would like to walk as it was still light. And walk I did, but in the opposite direction of home. I walked towards the local park. On the opposite side of the park a fairground had popped up that weekend and there was a carnival atmosphere amongst the people I passed on the way to the park. It was a beautiful summer’s evening.  It had been one of the hottest days of the year. There were joggers and dog-walkers and teenagers sitting in the grass talking and laughing when I arrived and when I sat down on a bench.

I was so consumed with despair, I did not notice that daylight had fled completely and there was no longer anyone else in the park, until a stranger sat down on the bench besides me.

I woke up the next morning in an ambulance on the way to hospital. It was almost a year later when I returned to London, to work, to try to rebuild my life.

I don’t often think about that night. But it is always there. A major marker in my life. An event that changed the course of my life in some respects. A signpost indicating life before that night and life after that night.

I am sure that there are others who know what is like to have a “before and after” signpost in their life.

I might write about this again some time…but right now, I am too tired 🙂

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Thursday photo prompt: Decisions #writephoto

You’re Gonna Catch A Cold From The Ice Inside Your Soul

Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme FREEZE/COLD/ICE.

 

The song I have chosen is rather dramatic. But I have chosen it because of that clever lyric “You’re gonna catch a cold, From the ice inside your soul“. How much angst can you pack into two song lines? I love those lines, but at the same time I would hope to never ever feel so cross with someone that I would say something like that to them!

The only friendship/relationship I have ever had real difficulties in that I was not able to resolve was my connection with Jack. I did actually use this song in a post I wrote about Jack when he was mentioning me on one of his social media sites. I felt rather provoked I must admit:

Who Do You Think You Are?

The truth is I think the world of Jack…and it is distressing that things deteriorated between us. He told me he loved me and that he had never felt closer to another woman. However…I did not feel loved in any way. Errr…I don’t want to think about Jack right now…so I will stop there, Here is my song choice for this week’s SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY:

I know I can’t take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I’ve learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Writer: Christina Perri