Housekeeping Memoirs

Yesterday…I had the whole afternoon off. I used it to clean every inch of my little nest. I enjoyed myself so much (yes that’s right – I LOVE CLEANING!) that I wanted to write a post about it. But instead I found one of my first ever posts and decided it was time to share it with you again!

If only everyday of housework could go so smoothly….Often you get everything together and enter the room where you are due to work….but low and behold: a leak from a water tank, or someone has accidentally flung baked beans or raspberry jam against the wall, or one time, I had a pair of legs sticking out of the door…turned out the occupant was feverish with some horrible infection and had been in bed with nothing but a sheet over him, he had got up to use the bathroom, and collapsed onto the floor – guess who was cleaning on the floor where he lived that morning!  So, I didn’t get to do any work because I spent the morning being first-aider and getting help so we could get him to a Doctor.  But today…aaaaah!!!!!….no disturbance, no interference, nothing has one wrong or slowed me down today.  Wonderful!!!!

Oh the life of a housekeeper!  I have had a very pleasant morning so far and had lots of time to think of you.  The rest of the day should be easy.  I have done so much work already in this house.  I am just going to give the kitchen a refresh and clean the big windows because there have been some children firing water pistols all week, so I decided to leave them until the last point before the family get back tomorrow.  Then I am going to clean the washing machine and tumble dryer out and clean the hoovers and just basically leave everything sparkling including my equipment.

As a housekeeper you see all sorts!!!!  Some young men seem to be oblivious to the horrors they leave for their cleaner / housekeeper to find.  I have been trained as a house-holder that if a toilet is in too bad a state, there is no need to clean it, and some house-keepers even leave notes to point to the fact that they are refusing to clean something due to a lack of consideration on the part of the occupant.  I am not too bothered.  I have cleaned medical facilities, sports stadiums, concert arenas…I have seen worse things in those locations than I have in a client’s own home.  I would rather just clean it and move on with my life than enter into the shame game or go into battle with an occupant / client.

Did you know housekeepers can play tricks on their occupants?  Not all of them.  It all depends on the rapport you have with your client!  We might deliberately turn all of the pictures upside down.  Nothing too valuable mind!  If an occupant has a shopping list or a “to-do” list stuck to their fridge it is very tempting to add comic items to the list.  We might move toys and unbreakable items and set up a comedy scene – as I am doing at one house I clean in the boy’s bedrooms (I have such fun rearranging their toys.  Last time I cleaned their room, I had one of the teddies reading an encyclopaedia, and a “my little pony” is chasing “Darth Vader”.)   The boys come home from school and they love to see what I have done to their toys.

But some of my house-keeping friends are really crazy in the stunts they pull…only because they trust their clients will laugh when they find out their house-keeper has pranked them.  One of my friends removed all of the lightbulbs from the entire apartment she had cleaned including the spares in the utility cupboard.  So, when the male occupants came back when it was dark – they had to use their phones to see around that night.

Housekeepers have used various props, including mannequins (the old chestnut of leaving a life-size figure in an occupants bed with just a blonde wig visible.  What else?  Malt loaf – don’t read this if you have just had dinner.  Malt loaf can be moulded into various shapes and left in the toilet and then a pretend note of outrage can be left – poor client!!!!  One of the worst housekeeper tricks I saw involved a pair of boxer-shorts and Nutella.  I am sorry, the details are far too gross to tell you the full story!!!

What else?  Housekeepers often show a lot of love by folding towels into flowers or animals, and folding toilet paper to look pretty.  We try to spruce things up wherever possible.  I must say I love to have a laugh with the girls but I couldn’t play any horrid tricks on any of my clients.  I am too worried about someone having a really bad day and being overwhelmed – a practical joke might seem fun and completely innocent – but for many years I have realized that some people are incredibly delicate / fragile and you don’t know….I mean how could you know?  We can’t read what is going on in someone else’s mind.  Instead, I often like to imagine my client or occupant has had a terrible day and is exhausted and stressed out and comes home to find their place is beautiful and sparkling and so much love and thought has been poured into the housekeeping of their home.

If you have a lot of love and a lot of giving in your heart, housekeeping is a wonderful role because you can pour love into your work. Personally…I love to make things sparkle. For that reason I especially love cleaning bathrooms and kitchens.