Now I’m Tracing Shadows On Your Back

Jim Adams aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: SONGS WRITTEN FOR FILMS

Jack seemed in disbelief when I told him I have not chosen a song from The Sound Of Music for today’s theme. I would very happily have done so…only, I wanted to feature something a little different.

You see I have been listening to a lot of songs from Birdy over recent months. One of them, which I adore, I learnt was written for the Netflix production of my favourite Jane Austen book “Persuasion”. I love the story of Anne Elliot and Captain Frederick Wentworth. It tugs on my heartstrings – and the story – crossing paths again after years of estrangement – excruciating awkwardness.

I have not seen the Netflix version. I don’t need to. I know the story off by heart and have envisioned it in my mind many times. I love the lyrics in Birdy’s song “Quietly Yours”. But I also came across a beautiful cello cover – too gorgeous not to add at the end of this post.

White sails and off shore lights
We were passing ships in the night
Now I'm tracing shadows on your back
Like I dreamt so many times

Oh for so long I've been waiting
For so long, for a love like this
And I was so sure baby
I'd lost you for a minute but

There's the sweetest
Spring at my door
Can you feel it?
Just the same as before
Many years have gone by
But I knew you'd come

Quietly keeping
This hope in my heart
Prayed the night bring
Back what I lost
Many years have gone by
But I never forgot

I've always been yours
Only yours

There was a time when I let you go
Allowed myself to be swayed and pulled
But for all my days I make a vow
No words could ever shake me now

'Cause for so long I've been waiting
So long, for a love like this
And I was so sure baby
I'd lost you for a minute but

There's the sweetest
Spring at my door
Can you feel it?
Just the same as before
Many years have gone by
But I knew you'd come

Quietly keeping
This hope in my heart
Prayed the night bring
Back what I lost
Many years have gone by
But I never forgot

I've always been yours
Only yours

Quietly yours
Only yours

I've always been yours
Only yours

Quietly yours
Only yours

Written by: Jasmine Van Den Bogaerde

Distracted By Distracting Thoughts

I do realize that I am still experiencing a state of discombobulation – not really settled – despite all the advantages of being here. It will take time to feel more settled.

My routine is going well – my career (unpaid), work (paid), housework, helping out with my parents and Jack’s Dad. We do a lot of work – but then again – we always have. That has not changed. We are workers (not shirkers). We also enjoy life – walks in nearby countryside especially, and catching up with friends and family.

I often find my mind wandering though. There is always the possibility that it could be due to some sort of early on-set peri-menopausal brain-fog. But to be honest, I think it is more to do with this unsettled sensation that is lingering.

Distracted…hard to focus on here, when my mind is there.

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There is always a little of that. Thoughts of Goldfinch have lingered (and I am happy they have – he is part of me – woven into my core). Thoughts of London – such a dynamic vibrant cosmos – it will linger with me always.

Jack…Jack is going away next week. He will be away for a month. A whole month.

Annoying.com

He will be away for important work – important to him, important to me, important to lots of other people. I am proud of him for what he does. I just wish I was going with him. I really do. But I have commitments here. It just does not feel right to be apart for so long.

Can you blame me for being distracted by these distracting thoughts? I am tying to relax and not let it overwhelm me. Birdy helps. Beautiful voice – helps it all wash over me.

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Wild About Daddy Cool

Jim Adams aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: FAMILY

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Of all the beautiful songs I could have chosen, why did I end up picking one of the more bizarre performers – Boney M? Partly tiredness. Partly because my Dadda is so cool. I love being nearer to my parents and being able to hang out with them. It is such a blessing!!!!

She's crazy like a fool
Wild about Daddy Cool

She's crazy like a fool
Wild about Daddy Cool
I'm crazy like a fool
Wild about Daddy Cool

Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool

She's crazy like a fool
Wild about Daddy Cool
I'm crazy like a fool
Wild about Daddy Cool

Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool

"She's crazy 'bout her daddy
Oh, she believes in him
She loves her daddy"

She's crazy like a fool
Wild about Daddy Cool
I'm crazy like a fool
Wild about Daddy Cool

Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool
Daddy, Daddy Cool

I Burnt The Sausages

Shame on me!!! Just as I was sitting down to eat my dinner, I realized there were two vegan sausages in the fridge and I decided I would make a sort of couscous lunch (for work tomorrow) with bits and bobs from the fridge – red onion, sun-dried tomatoes, herbs…along with these vegan sausages.

I put the sausages in a frying pan on a low-medium heat while I ate my dinner. I was reading the news on the BBC website. I also put my headphones in so I could listen to some music. Anyway…around 45 minutes later…the smell of smokey burnt sausages distracted me.

Aaaaaagh!!!

Seconds later the smoke alarm started blaring – I threw the kitchen window open…..and almost threw the frying pan out of it.

So…lunch is going to be sausage-less!

When I’m Cleaning Windows

We have been searching for a local window cleaner since we moved here. (Ironic since there are so many window cleaners in the family.) So far, our search has been unfruitful. Over the past seven months, I have been cleaning 90% of the windows – all of the insides and most of the outsides. However, there are some windows which I have not been able to tackle properly.

Don’t think I have not tried – I have tried. Jack has filled out several health and safety reports and emailed them to me to complain about my gravity defying stunts. I do not think he understands the inherited acrobatic skills I have as the daughter of a window-cleaner.

Despite my best efforts there are three outer panes that I just have not been able to maintain to the sparkling gleaming degree you would expect from window-cleaning royalty.

…until now!!!

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One of our neighbours has been watching (Jack is just thrilled at the knowledge we are under observation) my attempts to keep windows sparkly. They invited me into their upper floor apartment (similar layout to ours) and to show me a trick. There are some clips in the window frame which allow you to turn the window pane right around so that you can clean it and buff it properly.

Happiness!

Our windows look downright incredible since I have been able to clean 100% of them. Although…Jack has pointed out that we have enable the neighbours to see even more clearly into our nest.

Is Peace An Impossible Dream?

Jim Adams aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: WAR AND PEACE

When I first saw the theme that Jim has given us, I thought to myself “yikes!” However, it turned out to be actually quite an inspirational prompt. Peace….let’s say it again PEACE….it has so much meaning. If you have been overcome with anxiety or guilt or regret…peace of mind is something that takes on greater value.

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But peace in the context of war – there is another scale of meaning here. In my lifetime, I have known what it is for there to be a disturbance in peace – my first ever shopping trip as a teenager ended with the city I was shopping in being ripped apart by a bomb. I walked past the vehicle that was packed with explosives twice that morning.

Jack and I, and many of our relatives have been to lands in which tensions were high – deep political divisions, acts of violence and destruction, brutal massacres, inhumane cruelty, violent sexual assault, torture – these horrors were occurring just a short distance from where we were working and sleeping. (Generally, we were escorted by local authorities to the nearest airport as soon as the reality of the situation was apparent.)

Will human warfare – so often due to deep political divisions, racial hatred or mercenary greed – ever end? Is it an impossible dream to imagine living in peace – with nobody to make you tremble in fear?

With my own eyes, I have seen incredible things that convince me this is not an impossible dream. Peace will flourish. Not by the hand of political governments – who have no interest other than in preserving their own dominion – and not by the hand of man made organizations who claim to be enlightened and benevolent. But peace will come…and it will last longer than the stars last.

Never give up!

I have chosen for today the Man of La Mancha classic “Impossible Dream” – and though there are many outstanding recordings of this epic song – I have chosen the fabulous Josh Groban.

To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To run where the brave dare not go.

To right the unrightable wrong,
To love pure and chaste from afar,
To try when your arms are too weary,
To reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest,
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless,
No matter how far.

To fight for the right
Without question or pause,
To be willing to march
Into hell for a heavenly cause.

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will be peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest.

And the world will be better for this,
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage.
To fight the unbeatable foe.
To reach the unreachable star.

Written by: Mitch Leigh and Joseph Darion

Honeymoon Over Before It Has Even Started

I ought to qualify before I begin that I am absolutely not talking about Jack and me and our belated very much anticipated honeymoon. No, my thoughts are more focused on the relationships that are forced upon you, either geographically (your neighbours) or more often, through your employment.

These relationships – you have no choice but to maintain to a degree in which there is relative peace. You are confronted with each other, aware of each other’s irritating peculiarities, abrasive habits, stubborn streaks – and yet you really do have to focus on the positive and frequently overlook the offensive.

Over the years, I have maintained many relationships with individuals who crossed my path on a regular basis due to being neighbours or colleagues. Often, I know that I would not have ever chosen to spend more than two seconds in their company – but there they were, in my face, on an almost daily basis. It was incumbent upon me to maintain a civil, diplomatic state – without encouraging the person to have any thoughts of invading my privacy or placing demands on myself.

I was reading something the other day designed to encourage “engagement” presumably between colleagues. It amused me, but at the same time left me bemused. Don’t employers recognize that for many of us, we feel we have no choice but to be thrust into the same physical location with people who have drastically different outlooks, ethics, ideals and values to us, not to mention – drastically different standards of decorum, speech, dress, habits, and priorities.

Telling us we have to engage with each other – is like forcing someone who had the worst blind date ever – to repeat the same ordeal again and again and again. Pretty horrific.

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Sometimes you just know that all you want to ever see of someone is a scenario when they are on their “best behaviour” – in a professional environment or on the public pavement. You have more than an inkling that you would be horrified lest you saw them more relaxed, in a pub or behind closed doors.

My advice to employers trying to thrust together people who are merely tolerating each other – is please just allow us to maintain civility, diplomacy, enough of peaceful pleasantries conducive to us working together.

Or else…you are more likely to lose talented hardworking employees are left feeling extremely uncomfortable with the work place environment encroaching on who they are and what value most.

Feeling Reflective

How long does it take to navigate change?

I have had to encounter change lots of times. Change can be a little unsettling to begin with. I have always found that the feeling of being unsettled passes. I have never really struggled with change. It has just been one of those things. Unless the reason has been distressing (you know…like when I was attacked), change has been something I usually navigate with ease.

Last year was a year of change – fairly big changes – marriage status, leaving London to move to a quiet spot in the North of England, new nest, new paid work. Maybe it is the sheer amount of change that occurred in a short space of time – it just does not seem to have been as easy to navigate.

I have got on with it. But I do not think I feel settled yet. I miss London intensely. I miss my friends and colleagues in London. Being here in the North – we are closer to the people who mean the most to us – Jack’s Dad and my parents. Jack lost his Mum last year. Being here matters so much. Yet, at times I feel so isolated. It feels as if we are cut off from civilization. While that may have an appeal on the surface, it is not fun when it is prolonged.

Jack and I have conversations about this period in our lives. We want our loved ones to thrive as long as possible. That is why we are here – to help them thrive. It is a decision we are happy about. Only, we are not really thriving being somewhere so extraordinarily remote. Jack and I – we love people.

Jack has to travel in his role – so he is seeing more people than I am. I see the same people all the time…the lack of variety in regards to my paid work is something I have to endure. I cannot wait to get home and log-on so I can connect with students I am training for some interesting conversation.

Anyway…Jack and I have been feeling reflective. Whilst we both agree we made the right decision to relocate here, we also both agree that we are not feeling settled. It might improve during the spring and summer ahead. There ought to be more life in this area.

I suppose it is just taking longer to navigate the changes we experienced last year. We love seeing our parents thrive. Hopefully there will come a point when we are thriving too.

God Knows What Is Hiding In Those Weak And Sunken Lives

Jim Adams aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: SONGS THAT MENTION GOD

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I listened to an album called “Portraits” from one of my favourite modern musicians – Birdy. It was great – and it made me go back and listen to all of my favourite Birdy tracks again – aaaah – love her songs and her recordings of songs originally penned by other artists. Her voice and the often simple arrangement of songs – it is so powerful.

One of her recordings is my song choice for today “People Help The People”. It is a great, great track.

God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts
Guess he kissed the girls and made them cry
Those hard-faced queens of misadventure
God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken lives
Fiery throngs of muted angels
Giving love but getting nothing back, oh

People help the people
And if you're homesick
Give me your hand and I'll hold it
People help the people
And nothing will drag you down
Oh and if I had a brain
Oh and if I had a brain
I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool
That turned all those good hearts away

God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence
Behind the tears, inside the lies
A thousand slowly dying sunsets
God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts
Guess the loneliness came knocking
No one needs to be alone, oh singin'

People help the people
And if you're homesick
Give me your hand and I'll hold it
People help the people
And nothing will drag you down
Oh and if I had a brain
Oh and if I had a brain
I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool
That turned all those good hearts away

Nah naaah nah nah naaaaahhhhhh oooouuuu
Nah naaah nah nah naaaaahhhhhh oooouuuu

People help the people
And if you're homesick
Give me your hand and I'll hold it
People help the people
Nothing will drag you down
Oh and if I had a brain
Oh and if I had a brain
I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool
That turned all those good hearts away

Written by: Simon Aldred

Like Running The Gauntlet

On my way to work, and on my way back from work – there is a very dangerous entity that provides me with episodes of terror on a regular basis. It is the zebra crossing.

Throughout my time in London, zebra crossings have been pretty straightforward to navigate. Cars in the city centre are rarely travelling at high speed, so drivers (who are generally alert while driving along busy thoroughfares) see you and they stop.

But the zebra crossing that I use on the way to work – it spans a town road where drivers regularly drive faster than the speed limit, and perhaps don’t expect many pedestrians to be crossing the road. So many times, I have started crossing the road when a driver has stopped, only to find that a car was pelting towards me at ridiculous speed from the other direction. Often, I have noticed they are using their mobile phone while driving. It has been particularly scary during dark mornings or evenings when it is rainy.

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I have been reading the Highway Code recently because I am not sure why drivers here do not seem to respect zebra crossings the same way as city drivers do.

It makes me nervous…drivers who feel that road is an opportunity to discard the speed limit, drivers who use their mobile phones whilst driving, drivers who do not seem to recognize the big flashing amber lights are a reminder to slow down as this is a designated pedestrian crossing.

I do not want to feel as if the walk to work is like running the gauntlet.