showTonight it was The British Bake-Off Final!!! Yay!!! Only I was so tired after work that I forgot! I came home and they were just about to announce the winner. So I turned the television off straight away…as I want to watch the show from the start before I know who the winner is. It will be so hard to avoid hearing who the winner is before I get to watch the show….but it is too late to watch it now.

I am jiggered! But it is something to look forward to watching another evening. Actually tomorrow evening will probably be my best chance because I finish an hour early tomorrow.

recvoeryngDay Two of my six day week of long long shifts has passed – four more to go. However, tomorrow I have to wake up extra early because some builders want to come and see my little nest. They want to come at 6:30am before I leave the house to go to work. Great!

I am shattered…but my mind is racing with thoughts of work today. The mix of fast paced busy busy and feeling it is vital to deliver proper patient care by making sure I listen and reassure. Sometimes delivering that little touch, empathy, personal interest is going to matter more than everything else we do. But is a constant juggling act. If you spend too long with one patient…you have ten staring at you! They are cross because of how long they had to wait.

afterw rod.jpgI am trying to relax my mind and let it unwind. Fortunately, my body is so exhausted I…I suspect that my racing thoughts have little chance of disturbing my sleep. I want to sleep…and wake up early so that I can give my little nest a quick tidy up before these builders arrive. I am so houseproud! But right now…I am just glued to the sofa…like a barnacle!

At least I had a warm dinner tonight…courtesy of Marks And Spencers. Jack sent an email with some photos of a project he has been working on. I can tell he has been having a lot more fun than I have! When I think of Jack…I relax. He makes me relax.

It’s Been A Long Day

wrecked.jpgIt has been a long day. I don’t like doing twelve hour shifts. You come home and feel so exhausted you just want to collapse onto the sofa and eat junk food. Thank goodness I don’t actually have any junk food in the house. Instead I had pureed pear for my dinner. Yes I was so tired, I could not face cooking. I might have a slice of bread and hummus later, if I manage to muster the energy to sit up. I have been telling myself to get up and have a shower and go to bed.

But I am battling that mental sludge…you know when you remember all the things you said and did when you were tired. But when you work twelve hours in an intense environment, you do become tired. I had a constant headache (which I have had since I was hit by that roof) and I felt dizzy at times – but I pushed on.

jiggersAnd the thing is…I have six days of this! One day down…five to go! Aaaaaagh! Am I going to feel this wrecked at the end of every day? I need to think about picking up something quick and easy to eat. I need more than pureed pear for my dinner all week.

So…I hope my little mistakes, which were induced by tiredness, will be overlooked. Everyone seemed happy enough with me. Shower. Bed. I am so sleepy tired!

No Jack until Saturday evening. After work he is taking me up to the Cotswolds. We will be up there for three nights. Back in London on the Tuesday.

Bright Eyed And Bushy Tailed

a months rent in three hours.jpgI have a three hour session tomorrow. Maybe “session” is not the right word for what I have to do. But it’s a one-off special event all because a very wealthy client is clicking their fingers and throwing money at us. It makes you sick doesn’t it!

This is all to allow me to be free to travel up to Wales more often to spend some time with my family member who has cancer. I can earn almost a whole month’s rent in a few hours. It’s brain numbing work. And I get zero satisfaction out of it. It doesn’t help anyone, or make a difference to anyone. Basically I am a decoration, an ornament.

I have just re-read my first paragraph again and it sounds very dubious. It’s nothing extraordinary. I have earned my bread and butter in a hundred different ways over the years, and tomorrow I have to dress up and put make-up on and look good and smile and wave for three hours. Think Barbie (you know at the end of Toy Story 2!!!

The agency who have arranged it told me to make sure I have a good night’s sleep the night before because they want me bright eyed and bushy tailed!!!

I do need to have a good night’s sleep. Seeing Jack, being just a few feet away from him on Saturday, seriously interfered with my sleep. I did have panda eyes on Monday I noticed.

So I am signing out early tonight. Should I wash my hair now, or first thing tomorrow morning??? Ooooh decisions deciions!

I Think I Am The Biggest Hazard!

I was back late after what turned out to be a sixteen hour work day on Friday and I finally made it to sleep at two o’clock in the morning. Then my alarm went off at four o’clock in the morning. I did something very risky. I pressed SNOOZE!

An hour later my phone was ringing and ringing. My friends were outside in their car. Very kindly they waited ten minutes while I showered and threw some clothes on.


I am working all day as a volunteer. But with so little sleep…I think it is going to be a very long day. Where is the canteen? I need a coffee pleeeeeeeeeease!

I am just going to take it slowly and try not to cause any injury to myself of anyone else!

Skipping In My Comfy Shoes

On Saturday, I worked a long day…and it was busy, very very busy! Before we unlocked the doors to customers, I arrived half an hour early so I could do some cleaning before we were busy. Boy did it get busy!

I was wearing a really comfortable pair of shoes (the day before I wore the wrong shoes and my feet were aching). I am so glad I wore those comfy shoes because Saturday was so intense. I kept on thinking about how wearing comfy shoes can make all the difference to your day at work.

Anyway…I only started this post to tell you about the ten minutes I was walking down to work early in the morning. I felt so excited about life, and Goldfinch, and my trip to Australia. It was a marvellous feeling. And I started to sing. Well, at first I was humming, because it was rather early in the morning and I was walking past residential houses. But when I was walking on the main road away from the houses, I started singing at the top of my voice with a happy heart a song that always makes me feel like skipping.


I saw the film “Saving Mr Banks” some time in the past year. It was very interesting. I had no idea of the story behind the author of Mary Poppins. I think this was my favourite part of the movie:

I Don’t Want You To Work All Day

The theme Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, has chosen for this week’s SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY is Occupation.

I had two big songs in mind – naturally Dolly Parton and Rolls Royce. I was torn between them but Dolly was winning. I am finding that now I have extra notice of the theme, I start changing my mind over which song to feature. So the song I have gone with is totally different than my first choices and it loosely fits in with the theme.

I always guessed this song is about a woman who does not want her man to have to work, she is happy to make a fuss of him. Maybe I misunderstood it, but it seemed to be a woman singing she is more than happy to do all the chores around the house and make love. She doesn’t want her man to have to do any work around the house. (I am hoping he is doing some work and not living off her wages!) When I first heard this song as a teenager, I was a bit shocked by it. Now, after singing it at karaoke nights a few times, it has grown on me. And listening today it today just makes me laugh. Which is good because I need to things that cheer me up after this week.

Although I think work is a fine thing – and nobody should be work-shy – I do totally grasp the sentiment of wanting to spoil the man I am in love with. I loved cooking and baking for Goldfinch. He did not ask me to do any of that. But it was something I loved doing.

Did I ever tell you about the time he came to see me on the way back from a work-trip overseas? He let me put his clothes through the washing machine and tumble dryer. And he let me iron his shirts, only I went on to iron everything, his underwear and his handkerchiefs! I could not help myself!

I would happily spoil him always!

I don’t want you to be no slave
I don’t want you to work all day
But I want you to be true
And I just wanna make love to you

Love to you, ooohooo
Love to you

All I want to do is wash your clothes
I don’t want to keep you indoors
There is nothing for you to do
But keep me making love to you

Love to you, ooohooo
Love to you

And I can tell by the way you walk that walk
And I can hear by the way you talk that talk
And I can know by the way you treat your girl
That I could give you all the loving in the whole wide world

All I want you to do is to bake your bread
Just to make sure that you’re well fed
I don’t want you sad and blue
And I just wanna make love to you

Love to you, ooohooo
Love to you, oooh

And I can tell by the way you walk that walk
And I can hear by the way you talk that talk
And I can know by the way you treat your girl
That I could give you all the loving in the whole wide world

Oh, all I wanna do, all I wanna do is cook your bread
Just to make sure that you’re well fed
I don’t want you sad and blue
And I just wanna make love to you

Love to you, ooohooo
Real love to you, ooohooo
Love to you, ooohooo

Songwriter – Willie Dixon


We Cannot Control The Movements Of Storm Clouds

Another post based on an e-mail I sent to Stuart during my job in Notting Hill:

Last night there must have been a terrific storm performing.  I heard rain hammering down above my rooms and grand cracks and crashes of thunderous fury.  I was so exhausted after the long day of house-keeping that I fell asleep very easily and slept the night through like a baby.

I truly thought I was going to have an easy morning today after all the work I did yesterday.  At 5.30am I was sitting up in bed, sipping coffee and thinking I would give myself “just another minute” before I jumped in the shower…when suddenly the door to my bedsit started to open gradually.  A little face appeared…it was one of the little children who live upstairs.

The children know they are not allowed to walk into my room without knocking.  We are all trying to strongly discourage them from being interested in my little abode at all.  Their father has forbidden them and he has told me I must tell them off if they go into my room.  I am not very good at shouting at children.  I respect that in some cases a parent might have to shout at their children in an effort to make them realize what they are doing is dangerous, or foolish, or wrong.  I have never been a parent and I don’t know how to shout at a child.  I try to reason with them.  Sometimes I win, sometimes I don’t.  I don’t think I am winning with this subject.  The youngest hates being told off, he hates me trying to reason with him.  He will run away.  The only way I can catch his attention is by speaking some Mandarin Chinese to him.  He is fascinated by this.  He has only just turned five, but he is eager for me to teach him as many Chinese expressions as possible.

I often find their toys under my bed or in my bath tub.  The lodger thinks it’s funny to encourage the children to play little tricks on me. (Afterall, when I clean their rooms I use their toys to create comic scenes…at the moment Darth Vadar is reading a copy of Vogue I found lying around and one of the trolls is sitting in a toy car with a little teddy in front of the car on his back, as if he has been run over.) I found an item from my underwear drawer on one of their teddies about a week ago. I understand their curiosity, but we must instil in them a realization that my rooms are off-limits. Young children rifling through your underwear drawer is so annoying!

Understandably, I was anxious as to what he was doing walking into my bedroom.  I was about to tell him off sternly, when he whispered with an urgent tone that there was a large pool of water outside of my door.

I jumped out of bed because I realized the little munchkin was unlikely to risk getting in trouble like this if there was no truth to what he said.  He was serious. Just up the steps from my room, sure enough was a large pool of water. I asked him to go and wake his father and tell him what had happened. So, the morning turned out to be quite different to the one scheduled.  Every resident in the building has now seen each other in our nightwear.  A roofer came…well, you can imagine how the day went hey?  We all just got on with it and now peace and order are restored, and the house is still gleaming as I managed to do all the tidying up and cleaning as well as dealing with the leak / flood situation.  Another six washes have been through the machine.  The normal clothes washing and all the towels we used this morning.

Aaaah…so this leads to yet another proverb for today:

We cannot control the movements of storm clouds hey!

Storm Clouds

I really feel I need to lay my head on a pillow and have a little nap – starting work in my pyjamas is not ideal is it!  I am going to head out to see some friends.  We have planned to have a drink at a bar near the river.  It will be lovely sitting outside in the sunshine enjoying the cool evening breeze.

Aaaaaah!  I have to say on sunny days like this, England is gorgeous.  It is just the rest of the year when skies are grey, and we are blown about with gusty wind and always slightly damp because the rain seems to come at you from all directions.  We have to make the most of this sublime sunshine, because we have a problem that as yet we have never learnt to overcome.

We cannot control the movements of storm clouds.