Very quiet alarm bells are ringing. A slightly concerning situation may be on the verge of developing. I cannot worry…I sort of expected that it may occur at some point, and really up to now I have escaped lightly.
After over three months in my current job, one of my colleagues finally commented on my engagement ring last week. I don’t really mind that nobody else has enquired. For reasons that many of you will know and understand a lot better than my new colleagues would, it is an advantage to my peace and security to keep a low profile and remain discreet about my personal life.
I answered some of the questions that the colleague who noticed my ring asked me. I am careful about what I will share and what I won’t share. But then another colleague who I work more closely with overheard and very kindly wished me congratulations.
I sort of wanted to put a lid on the situation. I explained I had been engaged for over eighteen months, and it is old news really. I understand that there are normal politely curious questions, and I need to answer them in a way I am comfortable with.
I just hope that the lid stays on. I am not ready to talk to just anyone in the office about my personal life. There is one young man who sniggers every time he asks me about my “charity” work. I have already decided I don’t want to share a single iota of my life outside work with him because he is undeserving. There are others who seem genuinely friendly, and perhaps in time I will feel comfortable enough with them to share a little more of my life.
One thing that frightens me, other than one lady who like me has a very basic non-smart phone, everyone else seems to have electronic devices at their finger tips and they seem to use these social media platforms I am so wary of. So…I will be very very cautious about what I share.
I met Goldfinch last October, and it was a very very quick decision I made that I was going to like him. When a man who is a complete stranger is friendly with you, you have to decide as a woman (and vice versa) and make a snap decision whether to run to the nearest security guard or police officer…or whether to give him a chance to show himself as decent. My “creep detector” is extremely sensitive! (I don’t have to spell it out that this photo is not Goldfinch – do I?) In fact I don’t like strangers flirting with me at all now. Looking back, it could have gone terribly wrong with Goldfinch. I am very glad that my snap decision was in his favour…it was not long until we were walking along hand in hand…and we are still walking along hand in hand months later. Apologies for being overly mushy!
don’t already know and trust…especially in the context of a man trying to be friendly enough to make me start batting my eye-lashes and lavishing my smiles upon him.
allowed to develop at the start of a relationship. I have learnt after oh so many bad experiences that it does not go down well to start firing questions intensely. Even if it seems very important to find out if a man wants to have children or build a castle with you, how much debt he is tied to, how many ex-wives or romances he has accrued…it makes the steadiest man nervous to receive that kind of interrogation too early on. Of course I want to know all this, but you have to be patient and subtle in broaching these subjects. I have treated too many men in the same way as Lord Sugar grills his candidates on the BBC’s “The Apprentice“! One young man actually told me directly he thought I was super but my probing questions terrified him and made him want to run a mile.
I was worried about how he would react. He was fine. It can’t be easy for a man who hears that a woman he is getting to know has been through a horrific experience with a man. What I love about Goldfinch is that he has taken it in his stride. He won’t let it hang like a cloud over our relationship. He knows at times it might come back into my mind, and he is always sensitive to my feelings. He has listened to me when I have needed to express myself and he has stroked my hand and held me close. But he is also very constructive, he gives me great advice on moving forward and not letting the event dominate my life.
Caramel 