Would There Be Another Cup Of Tea?

On the Sunday morning after the awards show the night before, I lingered in the kitchen at breakfast time wondering when Jack would appear. I wanted to sit down with him again in the kitchen as we had done the weekend before. We needed to sit down over another cup of tea and straighten things out. Recalling how unexpectedly well that conversation had gone spurred me on. I knew Jack could communicate if he chose to, could be humble and kind and wonderful.

kitchenEach one of my flatmates appeared one at a time and chatted to me. But no Jack. I asked one of my flatmates if he had seen Jack yet. He went into Jack’s room and then returned to the kitchen and told me he wasn’t there.

So…I headed out to meet some friends. We went for a walk, across one of my favourite parks on London and finished with a steaming cup of tea and a slice of toast. It was a lovely day. I couldn’t stop thinking of Jack and the conversation I was convinced we needed to have.

When I arrived back at our flat, Ella was cooking in the kitchen.  I went in to make a drink and she asked me if I had seen Jack. I told her I had seen him briefly the night before and he and I had agreed we would talk.

You need to talk to him MelGo and tell him you are here and you are ready to talk.

I nodded and hastily ran to the door of Jack’s room.  I knocked quietly and waited.  There was no answer. I knocked more firmly and waited.  His door opened.  Jack looked at me with a serious expression.Door, Open, Wooden, The, Next, Doorway

Can we talk Jack?

Jack concurred. “Let’s talk in the kitchen.”

Ella is cooking right now. Should we talk somewhere else?

Jack shook his head, “Let’s wait until she has finished.

I wonder if Jack realized I was disappointed. He told me he was rather busy and he closed the door to his room.

Reluctantly, I went back to the kitchen and told Ella what he had said. Ella told me that her and Dean were going to be going out as soon as Dean was home and had showered (he had been playing football). She thought it a good idea that Jack and I might have some privacy.

knocking.pngOnce Ella and Dean had left the flat, I waited for a few minutes and then put the kettle on. I made two mugs of tea and then returned to the door of Jack’s room. I placed both mugs in one hand so I could knock again and waited. Jack opened the door.

Ella and Dean have gone out for the evening. Can we talk now Jack, before the others come home?

Mel, I haven’t really got time for this. Can we talk another time?

I couldn’t believe he was trying to wriggle out of talking. It had taken three months before he had finally sat down to talk, I couldn’t bear to think of postponing another conversation that we desperately needed to have. But I submitted to Jack and said that was fine.

I poured one mug of tea down into the kitchen sink and took the other with me back to my room. I  sat down at my desk with such a mix of feelings. I reviewed everything that had happened and felt I had a right to ask for some of Jack’s time. Could I go back and knock on the door to Jack’s room yet again and insist we talk?

My phone started to buzz. It was Marta. Her dramatic tones startled me. She sounded furious.

She told me to look at Jacks Instagram account. I did. I could not believe what I was seeing on Jack’s Instagram account. It was a photo of him at the awards show the night before, and underneath scores of comments from other people all referring to me cheating on Jack.

When Marta had said all she had to say, I told her I needed to go, but thanked her and promised I would talk to her later.

Cue ANGRY EYES!

angry eyes2

For a start, how can you cheat on someone whom you are not in a relationship with? This was prompted by the photo Brian had posted of he and I. I scrolled down the comments. Jack was silent. He was not trying to contradict any of the comments posted by others. He had let people, some whose names I recognized and others I did not, make horrid remarks about me.

I did feel angry. Jack should be willing to talk. If he wasn’t, well, I just felt I could not endure this tempestuous situation in the flat like this.

So here it is, my big confession. What did I do next?

Letters, Write, Pen, Parking TicketI wrote a note to Jack.  I basically wrote that if he was not willing to talk now that I was doubtful he would talk at all. So I said, I felt this was my only way of communicating with him.  I said I had heard so many rumours that week and I had reason to believe that he was involved with them.  I said I was really hurt.  I said this time last week when we had talked, I had truly believed he wanted us to be friends, but I no longer was convinced I could believe him.  And…I asked him to give me my thank you card back!

I pushed the note under his door and ran down stairs and went out to buy some milk. Jack guzzled milk, and I was always coming home to find no milk in the fridge. I had just used the last drops in the tea I had made. Jack had this hilarious habit of opening the fridge to find no milk and yelling “Where is Mel, she has forgotten to buy milk!” I was always buying milk. I hardly drank any, just a tiny drop in a cup of tea, because I am slightly intolerant to dairy (although I love cheese, it does not like me). There was a shop at the end of the road, but I thought it might have closed at 5pm as it was Sunday. So instead I walked to the local petrol station to buy milk.

I dreaded walking back into the flat. During the walk, I had suddenly realized that asking for my thank you card back was a bit much. Perhaps I had a right to express my feelings about everything, but why had I asked for my thank you card back?

thank-you.jpgWhen I crept into our flat and silently made my way into the kitchen to put the milk in the fridge and then returned to my room. There was the thank you card sitting on my desk.

I felt pain and horror gush into my heart as if I had been stabbed. I knew what I had done was wrong. I could only begin to imagine how hurt and angry Jack must be.

You know I am going to make another confession. I sometimes forget men have feelings. I presume I can count on their mental and emotional stability. They are always pretending they don’t care, that they are indifferent, that they can’t be offended, that they think women are daft for becoming emotional. But it is a myth. Men truly do have feelings. Their hearts can bleed terribly. A woman can really hurt a man!

I had hurt Jack. I knew it. I sat there sobbing as I had never sobbed before. I had hurt the man I loved. I no longer really cared what Jack may or may not have said or done.

Something awful happened later that evening…and half of it is sitting waiting in my drafts folder for me to have the energy to finish. I will get to it at some point, and then we will put Jack back in the box for a while until I am ready to let him out again. After sharing what happened between Jack and I that night, I need to rest.

FOWC with Fandango — Stability

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/10/tempestuous/

I Am Not One For Doom And Gloom

I am going to keep busy…keep busy. Keep myself distracted. I have plans for the whole of today (I have some time off after the overtime I did at the weekend.) I slept for twelve hours last night. Today I am going out with a very very good friend.

Must not be on my own at the moment. Too much worry, too much sadness. Best not to be on my own. Better to be with someone lovely.

And fill the day with flowers, tea and cake and all good things! It will all come out in the wash.

My friend is taking me for an afternoon tea – which is a wonderful way to be treated. I am going to try to enjoy every moment.

I am not 100% at the moment…but I am not one for doom and gloom. So keeping busy – happy busy and I will save the teary moments for another day…when I know for sure.

That Will Be A Turkish Apple Tea For Me

apple teaI have been gifted by a friend.  A friend whom I shared a rather memorable holiday with in Turkey a few years ago.  We fell in love with drinking this beverage when we were out there:  Turkish Apple Tea.

What a holiday it was.  I have been on two “package” holidays in my entire life.  Turkey was one of them.  Normally we just book flights and stay with friends.  But a friend wanted to try Turkey and she didn’t think we knew anyone out there, so she arranged for us to stay in an all-inclusive hotel.

The weather was gorgeous throughout.  Everything I saw of Turkey’s landscape was beautiful.  The food – yuuuuuuuummmmmmmmy!  However, there was a fly in the ointment.  We felt pretty much harassed by some of the waiters.  I was warned about this before we went, but it was quite frankly exhausting.  I do not like to be rude to anyone, but we had to be very firm, positively unfriendly night and day…and I found it all pretty disagreeable.

What salvaged the holiday was that we did in fact have friends out there.  A family we had grown up with were living in Turkey just a twenty minute drive away from our hotel.Olu Deniz

Our friends helped us to escape from the atmosphere within the hotel which was causing us so much stress.  They took us under their wing and they took us to many stunning locations.

I cannot remember the names of the locations we went to.  I know we visited a Gorge and walked up through the clear water. There was a hammock cafe at which we idled away an entire afternoon.  We were taken to some amazing locations to dine.  It was great to meet some of the friends of the family we had known since childhood.  We were spoilt rotten!  Plenty of invitations to dinner that meant we did not really utilize the “all-inclusive” hotel deal we had paid for.

Our Turkish speaking friends came to the hotel and spoke to the hotel manager and the waiters explaining in Turkish that we wanted to be friendly but if we were harassed we would go out of our way to avoid them.  We noticed a big difference after that.  They were polite but they were not inappropriate as they had been before.

scuba divingOne of the highlights of the holiday for me was scuba diving.  I had always wanted to…and it is something I would love to do again and again and again for the rest of my life.  My sisters and I are total water-babies.  I was transfixed by tiny colourful fish who were not at all shy of our presence.  They swam all around and in between us.  It felt as if they were greeting us with delicate little kisses.  It was one of the most special experiences I have enjoyed.

Aaaaah….sigh!  Paradise!  Everyone should be able to explore this beautiful planet.  What a home we have.  One day!

Turkish Apple TeaSo when my friend came over to visit me, the gift she brought me was a tub of Whittard’s Turkish Apple Flavour Instant Tea.  I opened it and we had it chilled with ice-cubes.  Tonight I had some with steaming hot water.

One of the holiday experiences she reminded me of was the last night we were there, the evening we flew back to England.  She laughed reminding me of my karaoke antics and the reaction of the hotel staff and fellow holiday-makers.  I will write a post all about that bizarre night one day.

In the meantime, I am going to sip apple tea throughout the rest of the summer and remember that eventful holiday and our taste of paradise.