As this past weekend approached, everyone I saw asked me “what are you doing on New Year’s Eve”?
We made our own sort of fireworks and then we slept and slept and slept….ear-plugs in to escape the fireworks outside which are a preposterous waste of money (like a lot of what this economic system does).
I think we made the best choice. It was lovely to have some time with just Jack and nobody else in the whole wide world.
Sleep. Sleep, sleep, wonderful sleep. It never gets boring does it! I was working for very long hours, glued to a screen on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday evening, I just felt thoroughly exhausted. So…at about seven o’clock on Tuesday evening I decided an early night would be a good idea.
I was in bed by eight o’clock, with a gorgeous sleep mask on because there were flashing blue lights outside my bedroom window (that’s London for you baby!) and within seconds I was out for the count.
I had set two alarms for myself for 7:30am on Wednesday morning. When my alarms began to go off, my brain and my body were not ready to wake up. Eleven and a half hours of sleep did not seem to be enough for me. I truly was tired!
So….last night, I decided to do the same.
I wonder how this morning will be.
lol – I don’t know. This post will be published while I am asleep!
I sleep incredibly well. I love that. I do think sleep is such a fundamental part of good health. Jack calls me his “Sleeping Beauty”.
But every now and then, I have a weird spell of upsetting memories that gallop through my mind. It is almost always in relation to the events that caused me so much distress years ago when Jack and I had all that trouble.
The people who I still feel fearful of, dubious about – they appear, they talk, they smile, I see them whispering about me, I remember the feelings of hurt and anxiety and bewilderment. I remember the oppressive sensation that the nightmare would never end.
Then I hear a groan, and feel a warm arm wrap around me….and I remember that the nightmare is over. He is here, Jack is here with me, and that’s all that matters really.
Some nights I come home so tired I feel as if my legs will give way and I will collapse in a heap on the floor.
Last night…..I came home, opened the fridge and everything tumbled out all over the floor. What a mess!! I spent half an hour clearing up all the glass and sauce and veggies that jumped out of the fridge onto the floor.
It was like someone has booby-trapped my fridge to play a prank on me!!! After I cleaned up the mess….somehow, I did not feel like making anything to eat. I had a glass of wine instead. Very bad – I know.
I had a shower and climbed into bed. It felt as if the waves of sleep just pulled me under the surface and I sank into the ocean of sleep. I was consumed by the waters and drifted away. I was lost, lost in the sea of sleep…..
….until my blinkin’ alarm clock woke me up like a hard slap in the face!!!
I have found myself irresistibly drawn to my bed every evening this week. In the morning – I do not want to leave my bed at all!!!
But there is so much to do!! Now that “things” are opening up, a lot of our projects that were postponed over the past eighteen months are going ahead urgently. The crazy rush to make sure everyone is trained and up to date to meet health and safety regulations is relentless.
Yet, we have such a huge desire from volunteers to be back in action. They are very good at responding to my emails asking them to register for an online training session. They want to do whatever it takes to be back, doing what they love.
I have lots of reasons to make sure I get out of bed – but my goodness – I do love it being bedtime again!!
I woke up this yesterday morning and realized I had forgotten to schedule a post. It is the first time in a long time that I have not published anything at all. But I asked myself – why worry? There is lots lined up to be published in coming weeks and months – one day off! What’s the big deal?
I have an excuse! I have been sleeping so incredibly well this week. Eleven hours almost every night. It feels great. When you sleep that much, surely your body is telling you something. I had another outrageous run of headaches recently. Perhaps that is why my body and my brain want more sleep than I would normally allow them.
Work is still busy, but I think we just get stronger week by week. We are doing alright.
Jack says he loves to watch me sleeping. It’s so nice to feel safe and at peace with him beside me. It’s really special actually.
I’ll be helping the landlords with the garden tomorrow. I am sure I will be asked to water all the flower pots and boxes. I might have to mow the lawn. I am looking forward to it.
I think they want me to cook and freeze some meals for them as well. I am guessing that means going shopping for ingredients first.
I am laying awake in bed wishing I could sleep, but a headache is keeping me awake. It won’t go. I am tired. I will go and take some ibuprofen and hope that does the trick.
I just want to say, I know there are a lot of things that may be causing you worry. But the future for this earth and all its creatures will be better than you or I can dream. I know we have to pass through a troublesome time before then. But, there are happy times ahead.
I wish Jack was here. I miss him when he is not next to me. He whispers the loveliest of dreams to me sometimes. He has so many wonderful ideas about the future.
It turns out that I am a sleep-talker. It came to my attention when I was a teenager. My sister Milly told me first (we shared a room) and then at sleep-overs with friends, they would have fun asking me questions when I began to sleep-talk.
Goldfinch told me I was sleep talking one night. I am not sure what I said but it concerned him. I do remember waking up very upset. It may have been a flashback I was having. I was a bit bewildered.
Jack has also told me that I sleep talk. He said it is normally just muttering. Sometimes he thinks I am going over a shopping list. Other times it’s as if I am trying to negotiate with someone and not doing a very good job of persuading them.
It fascinates me that while I am unconscious all sorts could be leaving my lips. I might get myself into big trouble without realizing!