You probably already realize Jack is back in London. He thinks he came at a good time. By the time Jack emerged from quarantine…restaurants, shops, pubs, cinema were all open. He sailed through social distancing with only two weeks on his own…unlike the rest of us hey!
He told me last week that he misses Africa. That makes me worry that he is eager to receive another assignment abroad. He misses looking up at starry skies and feeling a sense of awe. He said that he often looked up at the sky wishing he could share them with me. There are not so many stars in London skies. They are obscured by light pollution.
Jack and I have very honest conversations. I told him I am not cut out for long distance relationships. I have had it with Goldfinch and it was very hard. I sometimes talk about how I feel about Goldfinch. I have a very romantic view of Goldfinch, that even he himself does not want me to have. But you see, he rescued me. He didn’t know it at the time, but he was everything I needed at a time I was struggling. I do love him. I have had to accept that 10,000 miles is a greater distance than ever before. This year has made me feel a sense of panic at times that I might never see him again. I am glad Jack is here and I can talk honestly about how many things remind me of Goldfinch.
Sometimes all it takes is a word. Sometimes all it takes is a picture.
I often look up at the stars and think about how the starry sky is one of the things we have in common. Even though he is in Australia, and I am in London…we will always have the stars.
Goldfinch sent me a photograph of some popcorn. Not just any popcorn…it was salty and sweet popcorn. One picture took me back to the night we met…and to many other times when the question of whether popcorn should be salty or sweet came up. He also told me that the first night we met, I was eating sweet popcorn and that was the one thing I did wrong that night.
When Goldfinch was last here in my little nest…I placed a packet of salty popcorn on his pillow. He likes it salty…I like it sweet. I miss him. You know that.
One simple photograph of a bag of popcorn kindled wonderful happy memories with a man I was so in love with. But a man who wanted to go home. A man who wants to be free. A man who who I love so deeply, even though deep down I know he and I are different in ways that matter far more than our taste in popcorn.
Jack and I beat to the same drum. He and I share the same dreams and the same purpose. He and I care about each other and support each other as we put volunteering for the charities we believe in first. Jack and I understand each other.
But I will always hold a flame for my rescuer, Goldfinch. Little things…a word, a picture, will bring him back to my mind in a pleasurable way, and I will be reignited. I will be inspired by the love he breathed into me.
Jack likes sweet popcorn by the way.
Last time we went to the cinema together, I shared a huge tub of salty popcorn with him – because I love him. However, in my mind popcorn should be sweet. I have grown up loving Butterkist Toffee popcorn. So sweet toffee popcorn is absolute popcorn perfection to me.
Sunday was beautiful. Goldfinch and I went for a short walk down to Morrisons Supermarket to check out bargains (is it just us that love snapping up the reduced items and filling the freezer with them?) I found something to become excited about.
We saw a huge dragon fly! It was enormous and had gloriously glittering golden wings. It looked as if it had flown at speed into a concrete post so it was lying next to the post, clearly not likely to be going anywhere in a hurry I must admit. But it was fascinating to see such a fantastic creature up closely.
these circles in the middle of road junctions. some of them quite large. There is a town in the north with a roundabout named “Half-Mile Island”. Sometimes the local council will arrange for a monument or display to be erected. Or other councils may have flower beds to make it pretty. The roundabout we passed had tall wildflowers amongst long grass. It looked like a beautiful meadow. I asked Goldfinch to pick me up and carry me into the middle of the roundabout and make love to me like in a movie scene. He laughed of course at the idea of doing that in the middle of a major road heading into the city centre. I explained to him that I don’t like watching any “hanky-panky” on the screen. (It embarrasses me to watch actors portraying what should be a very special and beautiful thing between a couple who truly love each other, but they make it look cheap and sweaty and devoid of real meaning.) But I love it when, in a period drama, the gentleman picks up the lady and staggers into a wheat field and you just see the two of them disappear amongst the wheat stalks.
because I had mentioned how I wanted to try the new vegan Katsu curry on the Wagamamas menu – that is where Goldfinch took me.
we ended up leaving the restaurant quite early. It was still light….Goldfinch danced with me in the middle of the city centre. I love that he will dance with me in public places. It is utterly lovely. He pointed out that the moon had appeared just for us. In fact there was a huge crane that was pointing upwards towards the moon. Goldfinch told me that “they” had just hoisted it up with the crane because they knew we were out. I like being with Goldfinch so much. He is intoxicating I confess. He just makes me feel glad from head to toe every moment I am with him. That is alright isn’t it?
Caramel 