Damn These Walls

I had a song in my head all day yesterday….all on account of Goldfinch. Sigh…this is one of the songs that makes me think of you…that makes me think of you.

I just want to be by your side. If only these wings could fly. Oh damn these walls. Sigh…if these wings could fly.

Some songs just seem to perfectly capture your mood. This is one of them. Perhaps it is all made twenty times more intense by these lockdown, social distancing, closing borders times we are experiencing because of the …you know.

But I have started to feel a sense of panic that I just do not know when I will see him again. Oh what a to do! Our hearts play funny games with us – do they not!

I am very much in love with Jack. But Goldfinch is my friend, my former lover who is still my friend and I love him very much.

Sunlight comes creeping in
Illuminates our skin
We watch the day go by
Stories of all we did
It made me think of you
It made me think of you

Under a trillion stars
We danced on top of cars
Took pictures of the stage
So far from where we are
They made me think of you
They made me think of you

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
For the rest of our lives

I’m in a foreign state
My thoughts they slip away
My words are leaving me
They caught an aeroplane
Because I thought of you
Just from the thought of you

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Oh damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

If these wings could fly

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Oh damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

Written By:  Ryan B Tedder and Jasmine Lucilla Elisabeth Van Den Bogaerde (aka Birdy)

When Will I See You Again?

It’s getting closer and closer to the date my ticket to Australia is booked. I know I am not going. The whole world knows I am not going. It’s only my travel agent and my airline that strangely seem to be in denial.

My travel agent told me to wait until the end of May to see if things change. Goldfinch is certain Australia are not going to be opening up their borders to anyone from a country still battling the …you know.

It suddenly washed over me at the weekend – I have no idea when I will see him again. It was like someone pouring heavy lead into my inner core. Since the realization that I have no idea when I will see him descended, I have been so sad.

So sad, I decided I needed to buy a bottle of wine so that I could have a glass with my dinner. Now I am sleepy. So I am going to bed. Feeling so sad about the thought of not seeing Goldfinch.

Thinking Of You

Although work is the busiest it has ever ever been, and I have plenty to occupy my thoughts…I have come home from work and found myself intensely missing both Jack and Goldfinch. For the past half an hour I have been in a little sulk (it’s probably just tiredness from the crazy hours I am working for the NHS) and I have comforted myself my reminiscing on all the wonderful memories the two best men on the planet gave me.

I am cross with both of them for being far away from me. But remembering the lovely memories they have given me. Sigh. I should say goodnight and go to bed. Another long day of work ahead.