Tag Archives: miscarriage

It Matters To Me

Three years ago….

…I lost my little apricot.

What an eventful three years it has been. She would have been over two years old by now. That’s an amazing thought. But it is a thought that is not all sad, it is also very important to me, very special.

She (I don’t know for sure whether my little apricot was a girl) matters to me. Her life represents a million opportunities, a million interactions, a million thoughts and feelings and words and funny faces…and purposeful meaningful decisions and actions.

Her loss caused me grief because I know that she missed out on amazing opportunities….and I too lost out.

While watching the news about the events in Ukraine, I cannot help thinking of the value of life – all the opportunities, adventures, relationships, challenges and victories that life presents. Every single life matters, and it is hard to think of anybody being callous to the precious value of life. It is hard to see someone mindlessly ordering the bombing of areas that are clearly resulting in the loss of life of innocent people, including young children.

There will be justice. There will be an end to violence and the callous disregard for life. There will be a future without fear, without terror, without distrust. Of this I am sure….because it is not just to me that the precious gift of life matters…the one who paid the ultimate price…it matters much more to Him!

Another Cover Story

Apricots, Apricot Tree, Fruit, YellowLast year, when Gary, Jeanne and I were working on the 2019 BAKE-OFF, I was recovering from a sad loss. It cheered me up immensely to have lovely occupation for my mind. I had also been writing “ditties”…some WordPress viewers were kind enough to call them “poems”, but they were more me putting down words from my heart without following any rules. It was good for me to have that avenue to grieve.

Earlier this year, a friend of mine helped me combine my ditties and journal entries into a little book. I have mentioned it before, but it’s such a personal “project” of mine…I like to keep it in my special untouchable place.

dittisMy friend helped me to publish a collection of ditties I wrote when I lost my little apricot. I was very pleased to have a paperback copy of the finished result. But I was not really sure about the cover.

I have learnt that after you have written a story or poetry cover, finding a cover that expresses something of what is within can be a real challenge.

That was especially so with something I wanted to be a permanent record, a keepsake of something very special and sad that I experienced. The one thing I could not bear is if my little apricot was forgotten as if she (if she was a she) was of no value.

I lost her, and naturally I was saddened. But it would make me more sad if it was as if she was never a part of me. She is a part of me, always! She sleeps soundly in a safe place near to my family in Snowdonia. She sleeps soundly in my heart.

Anyway…this is another cover story…another! I found a much better cover that captures the spirit of the contents of my book of journal entries and ditties about someone I never had chance to hold in my arms, but whom I don’t want to be forgotten.

Woman, Beach, Sea, Ocean, Freedom, Water

So…I asked my friend to talk me through the whole cover process (so patient he is) including making sure there are cover credits on the inside page and then I pressed publish. The only thing I am worried about is the white text. There was no colour that was right, so I went with white. I hope it will look ok. I am going to order an author copy to see how it looks.