Never Stop Longing For A Better World

Emotions – powerful things aren’t they! I will confess, I am rather busy at the moment, however, I am taking a little time out (at the same time as I watch Masterchef: The Professionals) to write about emotional health.

Now I am no expert in the field of mental and emotional health – but I am human (sorry, was that a snigger?) and I have been through challenges (slandered, trolled by online bullies, shunned by friends, despair, violent sexual attack by a stranger in which I was left for dead, resultant issues due to head injuries sustained during attack, years of silence and estrangement from the man that had sparked all the gossip and slander – who happened to be the man I thought more wonderful than any other single man on the planet) and so I have a little useful perspective on what is involved in recognising emotional challenges and “dealing” with them. (If you are facing mental and emotional health challenges you may benefit significantly from availing yourself of the many avenues of treatment and support, so do not hesitate to ask for assistance in caring for your mental and emotional health.)

Don’t worry – this is not going to be too long a post – I simply do not have the time before bedtime!

I was invited to link one of my previous posts to a prompt on the theme of LONGING. That is such a provocative word and if I had the time I am sure I could say a lot more about it. Jack loves music even more than I do and recently he had a song on one of his many playlists that I found intriguing, When I googled the lyrics and saw the video on YouTube, I was not sure what to make of it. Partly it was very depressing. The key line is that the singer is longing for someone to die for.

I did not get it. I did not get it at all. The song is about loneliness and heartbreak. (I chose the picture due to the pink lemonade lyrics – when life gives you pink lemons – make pink lemonade or pink gin and tonic?) I do understand heartbreak and loneliness. I really do. But shouldn’t it be that we long for someone to live for? The song, though very touching, has perplexed me. There is something ghastly and immature about the lyrics (it is a nice song, just rather disturbing!)

Life can be challenging. When I was heartbroken and lonely there were moments when I did not want to wake up the next day. But there was something within me that was much much more powerful – it was a LONGING. I longed to see the universe at peace. I longed to see a clean earth. I longed to see a happy healthy human family. I longed for so many wonderful things, and although I had been crushed by mistreatment and being the victim of one of the worst of crimes, I was not going to let anyone take away from me the chance to see all that I was longing for!

It’s been over five years since the most intense of my challenges. I am still longing for a universe at peace, a clean earth and a happy healthy family – however, my life, my health, my self-esteem, and of course my relationship with Jack have all improved steadily. I am soon to marry the man of my dreams! The man I have longed for! That is super smashing great!!!

But you know what….I am living a full life on my own two feet and I was before Jack made peace with me. My joy in life is enhanced by Jack – yes, but not dependant on him. He is one of the greatest blessings I could ever have hoped for though!

I am living and I am longing for the things that contribute the greatest joy to my life – love, peace , joy, creation, smiles. There is so much to live for! There is so much you can contribute to making life wonderful for yourself and others. In fact, it is so often when you focus on contributing to making life wonderful for others and yourself (notice I switched the order there!) that someone comes along and notices your smile and notices your joy and realizes your are just the sort of person that they have been longing for. Keep working on being the kind of person you long to be (so long as that is a kind person!) and keep contributing to the lives of others around you. Even a little kindness can make a huge difference to another person. Work towards the kind of world you long to live in!

Whatever you do – CHOOSE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE, or whatever you are LONGING for, will come along, but you will only recognize and appreciate it if you are ready for it.

My Heart Was Bruised By A Dream

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do I do this to myself?

I dreamt of you. The reality swept over me that it was just a dream and it broke my heart.

There you were, there you were, walking towards me, your arms held out. I felt your embrace. Your head leaning against mine, your arms clinging to me. It felt as if you would never let go. You whispered into my ear that you had been a fool. You told me you wanted to take me home and that we would be together.

Your voice spoke those elusive words. You said aloud “I love you” as if it hurt you to admit it. But you meant it. Your heart beating with the knowledge that you had given in to love though you tried to resist it all this time. You spoke of the agony of the separation. The longing for someone who adores you and always seeks to lift your spirits. The awareness that nobody else has ever gone to so much trouble for you, put up with so much boorishness from you, endured so much discouragement from you.

You tried to take the sweetness I offered and tell me to my face that love is not real and that I was overly sentimental. You tried to tell me that it is impossible for you to love, that you have no wish to be attached to a woman, that you want to be free to see any woman you choose for casual connections.

But there you were. You had sought me out. You had travelled over mountain ranges and deserts to reach me. You gathered me into your arms and told me you cannot go on without me, that you need me. You begged me to come home with you and live life with you, by your side, hand in hand.

I could hardly believe the words I was hearing.

Then I woke up. The dream was falling away from my eyes, collapsing into the abyss of the night, I reached out for it desperately, but it was too late…it was gone. The cold morning sunlight had torched it into a fading smoke.

It was such a beautiful dream. It was the sum of all my inner longings, my whispered pleadings, my pent up frustrations, my fondest fantasies, my deepest desires, my silent prayers. It was such a beautiful meaningful dream. It was torture to realize that my deepest feelings had woven a nighttime fantasy and to realize in the process of waking that it was all a mirage, a figment of my imagination…and now it is all over.

My heart is bruised by a dream.