Tag Archives: head injuries

Is It All In My Head?

Jack very delicately and tactfully put a question to me at the weekend. I have been suffering…yes suffering…with some sidesplitting headaches recently, and added to that two black-outs, he finally convinced me that contacting my GP was absolutely necessary. The GP told us to go to A&E (which is exactly what they always do because of my history).

So, Jack drove me off to A&E, and I waited, and waited, and waited, while Jack had to spend most of the time in his car responding to phone-calls. He checked on me regularly though and when I texted him to say I had been called in, he was not far behind me. After a score of questions and routine checks, I had to wait even longer before they sent me off for a CT scan, and then I had to wait for the results – and they just said almost word for word what they always say.

Anyway…Jack posed a question and he was very careful about his wording. In view of the recent change to a new job that I am finding not particularly enjoyable, it is possible that there is a link between my headaches and blackouts and stress?

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

I respect Jack for asking the question. I was sincere when I said I don’t think it is stress. I don’t really feel stressed in my new job, although I am unhappy there. I acknowledged there may be an increased physical demand on my brain and body due to the longer commute to work. Perhaps staring at a screen all day is not helping. But I don’t think it is any kind of anxious stress that is causing these headaches.

They are much too intense. Plus, the Doctor who discussed the CT scan said there is a little swelling, but no sign of any bleeding. Swelling is not good. But stress does not cause your brain tissue to swell. The Doctor discussed the familiar advice on not exerting myself physically, on not taking any risks, and on making sure I rest and remain hydrated. In other words, he had no idea why I am still having blackouts and realizes that I have been examined by neurologists more times than I have been to a dentist in my life!

Jack was so sweet to me after our adventure to hospital. I was shattered by the day. Shattered. I was resting myself on a pillow and could not keep my eyes open. He was stroking my head and whispering into my ear how precious I am to him. My goodness….my beloved, who is a teenager in a fifty-something’s body, can be incredibly sweet when he wants to be.

And then….I have no idea what happened next because when I opened my eyes it was morning.

Jack And Mel Went Up The Hill

hillPoor Jack! He had a fright this week. I had a little breathing episode. It’s this annoying head of mine. Sometimes my brain seems slow to catch up with my body demanding more oxygen. We had been walking up hill. It was dark. I think Jack thought I had tripped over at first.

Anyway…we had the lovely privilege of spending part of the evening in a London hospital, rather than snuggling up on the sofa, as we would have otherwise.

It changed the tone of our time together. I think Jack was a bit freaked by it all. But I kept telling him he was allowed to touch me, I wasn’t going to break in pieces. So he returned to his lovely huggable ways.

tumbleIn some ways, it was important that he understands for himself the effects of that night I went to the park. I don’t want him to be plagued with why I went there. What I mean is, he needs to understand why I was not able to return to London straight away. He needs to understand why I have been limited with regards the kind of projects I work on. In a way, it might make him aware of why I can’t play basketball and run for miles like I used to do.

hindsight1Sigh. I have mixed feelings about it all – as you may imagine. It’s so important for him to know. I have mentioned it to him. But after what happened, I think it’s hit home to him. It’s sad, so sad, that that stupid mistake of mine, to feel I could not go home yet, because I could not face him, and to go to a park instead. If I had guessed how he really felt about me, I would never have gone to that park on my own. That stupid mistake still has consequences that may affect our future happiness. Sad face! 😦

But Jack was wonderful. Happy face! 🙂

Anyway…it is important to me that Jack knows that nothing matters anymore. I don’t care about what happened in the past and the sad consequences. He has fixed everything just by picking up the phone to try to make things right between us. No matter what happens, I can take it. He has made me stronger. He has fixed me. Nothing else matters anymore.