I wrote to Goldfinch just after my second visit to the Midlands to meet up with him. That was around one year ago. We had a wonderful weekend in the crisp November air walking around the Stowe Landscape Gardens and touring Stowe School, but I had been so so ill. I remember when we walked into a restaurant that evening, rather than asking the waiters for a table, Goldfinch saw a table for two, and pulled it over to the fireplace and made sure I was sitting there because he was so worried that the cold damp air had made me even more poorly sick!
I felt so rough…not at all attractive. I was so utterly charmed by him and suddenly felt very inadequate for him. He has never made me feel that way. Quite the opposite – he has always made me feel very desirable. Now although I have at times questioned his eye-sight, I actually believe it is because he knows that a woman longs to feel secure and highly prized. He is very very good at making me feel adored. Well, here is my letter to him from one year ago!
I am going to miss you very much while you are away. I have loved every moment with you so far. Please come back to England so I can have the great pleasure of your company again – again and again and again if you please.
I am going to admit right now that I feel woefully inadequate for you Goldfinch. You excite me so much and bring me an intoxicating cocktail of cosiness and pleasure and enjoyment and interest. However I feel so “plain Jane” boring compared to you. I wasn’t on top form yesterday (I had visited Goldfinch when I had a terrible cold and was sniffling the whole day) …..but even previously I was feeling woefully inadequate when it comes to piquing your excitement levels. I feel like you deserve someone who is smoking hot gorgeous. I am suddenly very morose about all my imperfections.
I guess if someone likes cake in general they may find an exquisite petit-fours incredibly attractive and a delight to their taste buds but another day they might find another kind of delight in the deliciousness of a buttery toasted teacake. I am comparing myself to the latter.
I was so inspired last time you were here to be a more desirable shape for you I went a bit mad with the jogging sometimes causing me to have less time to get ready meaning I was leaving the flat with soaking wet hair on cold mornings, deprived myself of appropriate nourishment, and stayed up too late buying pretty underwear online. I am sure that is how I fell victim to this cold. They sent me home from work this afternoon because I had just sneezed and sniffled and coughed my way through the morning.
Then once I became ill I realized my body was furiously hungry and did not want to be out jogging during the early hours of the morning. So I am going to have to strike a better balance. While you are away on holiday (Goldfinch went to Australia for five weeks December-last year) I can work on shrinking my girth…..oh if you could have seen my shape just before the incident which led me to several months of resting up with my family and being overfed by them and revelling in comfort eating. Anyway I will edge back that way in a sensible balanced way…..because I am feeling like a bit of a lardy-cake just right now.
Typical…when you are not at your peak, but rather recovering from major injuries, you meet a man who is uber-gorgeous and makes your spirits soar. It is kind of wonderful really. You are kind of wonderful really.
You are my favourite male on the planet at the moment…besides my Daddy….but obviously that is very different. And Goldfinch…you are welcome as a friend…even if you tire of romancing me…or just…well Goldfinch…you are welcome for any reason.
Lots of love
Your Hot Buttered Toasted Tea-Cake…xx
Stowe School and Estate
– the location of my romantic tryst with Goldfinch
when I was sneezing and sniffling and coughing and croaking!