He Has Gone…

By the time you read this, I will be on a train zooming along the London Underground Piccadilly line. I will be heading away from Heathrow Airport, back into Central London. Goldfinch will be up in the air, somewhere above France by now.

I want everyone to know…I truly have had the time of my life with Goldfinch. I am grieving right now. But he has been very very wonderful for me.

You will forgive me if I am a bit quiet in days to come won’t you. I have been tagged for a few challenges and nominations and questions and answer posts. I have started them. I will finish them. But it might be a few days. Please be patient with me. I have arranged lots of things with friends when I am not working (I don’t want to be alone at the moment) and I have also agreed to do lots of over-time at work, on the lead up to the holidays. Being busy will help distract me. Because I can tell you, my heart feels like it is bleeding at the moment.

So so sad am I. I am always just a wisp away from tears. I do hope I don’t have to deal with any rude clients at work or any stressful situations while my manager is on holiday. Otherwise I am going to end up crying at work!

Still, it is ok to be sad. It is perfectly normal to be sad when you are separated from someone you love. So I am going to allow myself to be sad. It will pass. I am a very joyful person. I love life.

But I am allowed to be sad right now. So don’t you worry. My sadness is a normal healthy reaction to being parted from the man I love and has made me feel so wonderful this year. I am not going to do the whole stiff-upper-lip thing. I am going to have my tearful moments and I might even allow myself a naughty treat on days that seem excessively sad. Isn’t that why cake was created?

But, there is a lot to look forward to. It is not long until I will be with my family. I am so excited about seeing my niece. She will be so good for me, as 20-month old children tend to be!

For weeks I have been wondering if there was one song I could include in a post about my big Goodbye with Goldfinch. I didn’t want it to be miserable or dire. I wanted it to be a celebration of how he has made me feel during this past year.

One day about a month or so ago, the song came to me!

When I am feeling up to it, I will tell you more about the grand Goodbye with Goldfinch and I will do more celebrating the wonderful wonderful year I have had.

Just right now, I don’t feel like celebrating! But I will look back at a later date and have so much wonderful to share with you!

 

 

 

One Last Time…

After having my hair done in the salon round the corner from the little nest, and putting on my new dress, I will be heading to the train station to meet Goldfinch for the very last time. One last time experiencing the anticipation of his arrival.

I can’t wait to see him arrive, pulling his suitcase up the long platform towards me. I might even be tempted to video that moment so I can play it back again and again in the future. In fact I suddenly feel I don’t have nearly enough photographs of Goldfinch. I have some… from the summer when we spent time together in London, and from our weekend in Bath. But I forget to take photos. I am always too wrapped up in the moment. This weekend I am going to annoy him by taking too many photos! This is the one last time I am going to have chance though.

mince piesThen I shall be spoiling him right up until the moment he has to leave me. Does he realize how hard it will be? Last December, we queued at Heathrow at the check-in desks…and then went and shared mince pies and had a thumb war (which I won, although he still doesn’t agree with that) and then he disappeared through to the departure lounges.

I wrote about it, of course:

Now…at that point I had only known him for about five weeks, and it hurt to see him go. I kept making him promise me he was going to come back to England. I can’t do that this time. There will be no promises. Well, I will make him promise to be happy and healthy and live life to the full! But no emotional pressure shall come from me. I don’t want to send him away with a heavy heart. Nope…I want him to be leaving me loved up and full of happiness. Saying goodbye for one last time.

Everything will be for one last time.

All requires a lot of bravery from me…I have to say! I have lots of treats lined up for Goldfinch. His wish will be my command…and I shall treat him like royalty – don’t I always do that?

But then…comes the really hard bit, for one last time:

One last time…