Tag Archives: future

Looking Forward To Seeing You Soon

When I was around twenty-six, I lost one of my best friends to cancer. She was a role-model, as well as a huge source of encouragement and advice. I was heart-broken when she became ill and deteriorated so rapidly.

This year, I will turn the same age as she was when she died. I have been thinking of her a lot recently. I have been thinking of what it will be like to welcome her back to life.

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Clean earth…without war, without crime, without terror – what a wonderful home, a safe and beautiful home, to welcome back our loved ones. I am yearning to see my very lovely friend (and a long long list of loved ones) again. My heart throbs with the prospect of that joyful period in human history ahead.

Do You Believe In Happy Endings?

I was talking about happy endings with a friend the other day. We both agree that we would be very disappointed in a book that did not have a happy ending.

I have read books like that in the past, and I ached and grieved afterwards and I suddenly decided I don’t want to be put through that misery any more by other writers. I don’t mind an arduous grueling journey, so long as the destination makes it all worthwhile.

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I have lived every day of my life knowing that the painful, stressful, turbulent voyage that we are currently experiencing will give way to a wonderfully happy ending. But this bit right now…I have to admit, I would love to skip a few pages, even a few chapters…I am longing for the climax. I will not grieve the corrupt, greedy, callous system.

Anticipation Building…

Flowers, Plants, Blooms, Bird, Wildlife, Landscape

If there is one thing that is going to help me get through the next couple of months it is my building excitement over the return of spring!!! Perhaps you feel that way too?

Just think no matter what has occurred in human history – all manner of trials or hardships – nothing has stopped the march of the seasons. Spring is coming, just as sure as the sun rises each day! It makes me ripple with pleasure at the thought of what is ahead!!!!!!!!

Soon the long hard winter of man’s rule will have passed and life will return! Then there will be a celebration like no other!

Sleepy Caramel

Girl, Lady, Woman, Water, Watering Can

I’ll be helping the landlords with the garden tomorrow. I am sure I will be asked to water all the flower pots and boxes. I might have to mow the lawn. I am looking forward to it.

I think they want me to cook and freeze some meals for them as well. I am guessing that means going shopping for ingredients first.

I am laying awake in bed wishing I could sleep, but a headache is keeping me awake. It won’t go. I am tired. I will go and take some ibuprofen and hope that does the trick.

I just want to say, I know there are a lot of things that may be causing you worry. But the future for this earth and all its creatures will be better than you or I can dream. I know we have to pass through a troublesome time before then. But, there are happy times ahead.

I wish Jack was here. I miss him when he is not next to me. He whispers the loveliest of dreams to me sometimes. He has so many wonderful ideas about the future.

May Your Dreams Come True

Loveourplanet, Earth, Journey, Travel

I am not afraid of being alone

Without wifi or a phone

For it doesn’t matter where I may be

I walk through life merrily

Since childhood I have been lifted by my dreams

They’re the reason my smile beams

They light up each day, help me sleep at night

My dreams are my guiding light

I’ve guarded them for years so they don’t fade

And many times I have prayed

I don’t dream of fame, fortune, power or wealth

Or anything for myself

All my hopes are for better times ahead

When no one feels any dread

The whole human family living in peace

When violence and wars cease

All of earth’s creatures are healthy and thrive

It feels great to be alive

My father has promised oh so much more

A grand future is in store

He will wipe out death, tears, sorrow and pain

We’ll see our loved ones again

The giver of life will heal every heart

And you too can have a part

This world offers nothing of greater worth

Than life in paradise earth

Soon the day when the whole human race cheers

And forget all of their tears

For years I’ve dreamt of that wonderful day

Former things have passed away

May your dreams come true before your own eyes

Keep them focused on the prize


The Restoration

The night is well along. The darkness is giving way to the first signs of dawn. The sky becomes murky. Many begin to awake from slumber as the sky brightens.

Paradise, Landscape, Holiday, Water

Morning is taking hold, banishing the darkness. The rays of the sun warmth all the earth breathing life and colour into our world. Birds sing in jubilant chorus to welcome the sunrise. Creatures everywhere busy as they start to gather their food for this day.

The healing continues. Broken hearts are healing. The earth is cleaner than we ever knew it. Our air and water are pure. Our senses seem to be heightened as we gain the full enjoyment of life.

But of all that we have witnessed, of all we have celebrated, it was seeing our dear ones wake up. To see life restored to those who had lost it is going to be the most thrilling and joyful time in all human history.

I saw five deaths with my own eyes in as many days. I watched people go to sleep. They stopped breathing. Remember them. Treasure every detail of who they are and all they are – every thought, feeling and memory within them. Keep those details safe in your limitless memory. I want to be there when they wake up.

We Will Skip

Children, Silhouette, Cheers, Positive

We will skip in the waves lapping the seashore

While forgetting what made us frightened before

We will leap for joy as we all sing and dance

Thanking our father for giving us a chance

For wiping out tears and helping wounds heal

For causing our most precious dreams to be real

Gone the memory of bitterness and strife

For now on mankind has a new lease of life



Can Anyone Tell Me?

It’s hard to plan when the whole world seems to be shifting around you.

What will tomorrow bring? Nobody seems to know. Anxiety over the cloud brewing on the horizon. One storm after another comes battering. Waves of panic over a disease that seems to spread like wildfire and hunts down the most vulnerable.  Billions of dollars disappear due to a lack of confidence about the future. Is it safe to go here? Is it safe to go there? Is it safe to shut ourselves away and hide?

It’s not just me. Everyone I speak to is uncertain. Everyone is wondering what will happen next? Will winter ever end? Will summer ever return? Will we be able to breathe a sigh of relief?

Map, Tourism, Lost, Direction, GuideWill the travellers stop and ask for directions? I see them smiling calmly, quietly waiting for anyone that wishes to pause and ask questions or take something to read. I see them everyday, in every corner of London.

They are not afraid. Neither do they fear storm nor pestilence. They do not lack confidence. Their bright eyes and sincere smiles reassure me that I can plan for the future. I can plan to live. They inspire me, they fill me with hope. I cannot help be in awe of their resilience, their faith and their love in enduring all manner of obnoxious remarks.

I often wonder to myself, is it someone like me that makes it worthwhile to them? When I stop and tell them I think they are wonderful and pick up something to read during my lunch break. They are always there, in English, French, Spanish, Chinese, Korean, Urdu and other languages I am sure.

Your Will Is So Much Better Than Theirs

questIt has started already. I had Royal Mail post this morning from political parties. Surely they must have had it all ready to go before the vote to have a General Election for it to arrive so quickly. I am going to be diplomatic about this…they obviously feel they are right. I pay my taxes and obey the laws of whichever government is in power. I do not associate myself with any individual political party (neither does Jack by the way, which is why we could be sent to all sorts of interesting places, with “delicate” political climates).

The news will be all about the election over the next few weeks. I may feel inclined to just get on a plane and go and hide somewhere (maybe Australia, although I would need to take Jack with me) until it is all over.

Business competition. Vector flat cartoon illustrationThe funny thing is…it’s not going to be over is it? No matter which party is governing the country at the end of the year, whether they are for or against the B word/issue…it is not going to be over – because there will still be a lot of people who don’t get the result they want. There don’t seem to be clear winners and losers in politics. Results are often almost 50/50. I wonder how close we are to the United Nations becoming more involved with “maintaining authority”?

I was watching something (well, to be honest, I wasn’t really watching it, I was actually ironing, but happened to realize there was something on the news about violence towards politicians) the other night. A news broadcaster invited a young woman (no idea who she was, but she only looked sixteen, although she had a very well spoken voice) to give her opinion on “things”. She said – everyone seems to think they are right, and those with opposing views are wrong.

is it.jpgShe said – that there has been a marked change of behaviour since the Europe referendum. She said – people have become very volatile, easily inflamed. She said – people feel they can say whatever they want, in conversations, on social media, and peaceful protesting (some of which might be considered to be positive, although I won’t venture an opinion), but there have also been the extremes of yelling abuse at politicians in the street, throwing milkshakes all over them, sending death threats, putting incendiary devices through their letter boxes, and of course the actual murder of politicians. I have family who hold “office” as politicians (not that I share their opinions), so of course the thought of them being victims of violence is very concerning.


I am observing this…it is interesting. I have been reading the scriptures since I was a little girl…and so I am well aware of the forecast about the political scene during “the time of the end” (the end of corruption, injustice and abuse).

I don’t really worry about the outcome of referendums and elections – I already know the outcome of human rulership. I’ve read this book many times…and I know the ending.

And to be honest it is the ending that I love reading about. It is a much happier ending than any other happy ending. Cruelty, suffering, pain – all gone! Gone. All the damage undone. Tears of grief turned to tears of joy. No human can make promises like that. They don’t have the power to fulfil them.

peaceThis earth, in the hands of our Creator…will be clean…clean of wickedness, corruption, violence, injustice and abuse. Clean of pollution, slavery, crime and disease. Beat that for a manifesto! Clean for a united, happy human family, who love what is good, love peace, love creation, and of paramount importance, LOVE OUR CREATOR. Of course none of the letters from any political parties mentioned any of this.

Anyway…when it’s all over…I cannot imagine political propaganda is going to be something that we miss! Nor will I miss gross negligence in the name of profit, that leads to catastrophic disasters and mass loss of lives. (Another desperately sad feature of the News bulletins here in England today 😦 )

future2Our Father in the heavens

Let your name be sanctified

Let your Kingdom come

Let your will take place…on earth

Whenever I think of these words, which billions of people have uttered…I think of how much better our Creator’s purpose (which happens to be unfailable) is, than any plans, pledges, promises (which may, or may not, change, be forgotten or are just impossible to guarantee) of human political parties.

The sad thing is…people will fight for corrupt rulership, despite the appalling record it has. I have always been baffled about that. But when I see how convinced people can be that they are right, and that those who disagree are wrong…and how “volatile” and “inflamed” their behavior can become, feeling that violence and threats are acceptable – I realize there will be some very shocking behaviour ahead of us, before it is all over and we can breathe a huge sigh of relief…and start to really live! I mean really live!


At The Age of 5, I Thought I Would Be Farmer Prime’s Wife When I Grew Up

Now I am not just saying it to please you…I did enjoy the art class on Sunday.  The thing is I have normally spent all my free-time from childhood onward on sports and hiking where I can push myself or just run around having fun…noisy events – karaoke, parties, dancing, live music, loud friends.  I do also like museums and historical houses and sites.  Even though I am not all that noisy in myself I am attracted to noisy, loud, energetic people.   But it was nice to sit and feel calm and concentrate and try to produce something respectable with a pencil.  I was more relaxed than I expected, and I was pleased I was starting to make a bit of progress.  Not that I have any aspirations for even attempting to accomplish something worthy of praise.  But the point is…I enjoyed it.  And I was very impressed by what you and some of the others in the class were able to produce.  I told my workmates on Monday I had been to an art class, but I was too much of a wimp to tell them what I was drawing.  In fact, when they asked me what we drew I said “oh, all sorts of things.”

I do like trying to please you Goldfinch.  I am mushy…I know…and if it annoys you I will try to reign it in.  It’s not just because I am female…I am sure you and I both know many women who are not sentimental at all.  I am sentimental I guess.  I think I am realistic too.  I am a big believer that each person is going to think and feel differently…and in some respects it is a miracle that people meet and decide they will try to build something together…except for hormones, they take the miracle out of it.  However, when it comes to love, you can’t force anything…there is no door handle on the outside of the human heart.  On a realistic (maybe pessimistic) note…I don’t believe that I “float your boat” anywhere near as much as you float mine.  I don’t think you like me saying that.

I cannot concern myself with the way every single other person thinks and feels – and trying to generalize is futile (even if most men are from Mars). But generalities aside, I do try to understand those close to me….as in where are they coming from mentally and emotionally?  Sometimes, it’s enough to try to keep an eye on my own mind and heart, and try to figure out why I am doing things.  It is ingrained in me to want to love (and be loved I guess).  So much of what I might say and do is just inclination formed by years of past experience.  I can’t see myself changing drastically unless I was changed by a major event.  To me…well, as I have mentioned, many men are from Mars…and frankly I don’t think I would have much motivation if it was hormones alone that were impelling me.  I love thinking of you in a sentimental frame of mind, maybe romantic.  My head is in a very happy place when I am trying to think of little things to please you.  It feels great to be sweet and kindly and homely and lovely and giving.  It makes me feel like my mum…and I mean that in a very good way.  But if you find you are not enjoying it, I will listen and adjust.

It is not difficult to feel fondness and affection for you…it would be difficult to try to repress it.  You do make me feel happy…and you bring me great pleasure.  Mentally I know…if you were not going to leave England, I guess I know where my thoughts would collide with yours and there would be challenges to any lasting connection.  We would probably drift apart naturally.  We would not have the desire to spend time with someone who deep down we realized was from a different planet.  Maybe it is because you are not going to be here for long that I am switching my mind off and following my feelings of happiness and pleasure and excitement.

bananaepisodeI don’t know what I am doing long term anymore.  Life has not worked out the way I expected it to.  I was thinking back to a little 5 or 6-year-old me.  This is me back then.  Please excuse the absence of front teeth.  I had eaten a banana one of my dad’s customers gave to me and by the time I finished it I had accidentally swallowed my two front teeth which had been very wobbly.  As you can see I already had an impeccable sense of style, sunglasses, leather jacket…and although I would never become a rock star, I was well on the way to becoming a karaoke queen.

One of my school mates was a boy named Ian Prime.  He was like a miniature jolly farmer.  I was too young to have a crush on Ian Prime, but I think I knew that he and I were a match.  We were on the same level.  I could see Ian Prime as the farmer, and me as the farmer’s wife.  I think that is how I thought life would turn out when I was a little girl.  I am not sure really what else it is all about.  There was never any issue about meeting parents.  I knew Ian Prime’s mum and he knew my mum.  A man and a woman start a team, they build together a home, they plant veggies and harvest them, she cooks meals and makes curtains, he carves out furniture and fixes fences, there are cows to milk and all sorts of animals to feed, then there might be children…although at the age of 5 or 6 I could not see myself having children and I still can’t imagine it now.  But that might be because I feel as if I am still a child myself and can’t take on the responsibility of a child.  But the rest I can see.  I still don’t understand how the system we live in does not seem to allow for that.  I don’t think I have goals or ambitions because the world is so shaky and unreliable and even basic human desires seem unattainable.

Each year at school our teachers would record each member of our class saying “When I grow up I want to be a…”  Our ideas changed from year to year.  My teacher’s favourite goal in my case, was when I was seven.  I claimed “When I grow up I want to be a sculpture.”  I had not realized I meant a sculptor.  But prior to that, I had stated with conviction, “When I grow up I want to be a farmer’s wife”.  My view of how my lifeconstruction would turn out all changed when I was 15 and stepped onto a construction site and enrolled as a volunteer for local charities for the first time.  I suddenly realized I had no desire to be a Mrs Prime…I wanted freedom to come and go as I pleased.  I didn’t want to be tied to anyone or anything, not even an employer.  I had to find a balance of course.  And the balance for me was first part-time employment and then self-employment so that I could be free to travel on voluntary projects all over the country and then all over the world.  As a result, I actually became a slave to the work I was doing on a voluntary basis.  A voluntary slavery that I truly loved.

It frightens me that in the summer it will be three years since I have been separated from my life, my world.  Will I be back by then?  My hope is fading.  Which makes me wonder…if I will never make it back to the life that I love…should I start thinking in terms of the way I previously thought the world worked.  Find an Ian Prime?…or wait for an Ian Prime?  I might be waiting until my dying day.

Anyway…I don’t think you see yourself as an Ian Prime type.  I don’t want to presume anything.  But you have told me things along the lines of that you just want to enjoy life and pleasures.  You seem willing to try almost any new experience.  You seem kind of fearless as if you have nothing to lose.

It does kind of scare me that if I don’t make it back to my life and my world (which I am terrified might never happen) then I have nothing to live for.  I just have to take one day at a time and appreciate everything and everyone in my life here and be open minded and adventurous about the future.  Sometimes all I want is an Ian Prime…I wouldn’t need to be swept off my feet by him.  But I do need to belong to him.  But if he could just give me a list of jobs to be getting on with, and if he could touch base with me regularly to tell me if I was doing well or if I needed to learn to do things in a better way.  I like a little pleasure.  But I crave purpose.  I need occupation, I need work, I need to have things to do for people I love, or even those I don’t love, I need activity and purpose and a lot of it.  I don’t mind how repetitive or mundane that work is.  And of course, I thrive when I feel secure and appreciated and loved.  How could I not?  Yes, it makes me try even harder.

I am waffling Darling….I don’t think you want to be bored with all this.  I am not sure even what I am trying to say…except…and please don’t take offence, I don’t think you are an Ian Prime.  But I am very grateful that you are letting me be in your life right now.  Goodness I am grateful to you.  I am loving every moment with you.  Yes, just thank you Goldfinch.  I don’t think you would have picked me off the shelf in the supermarket, but I am so grateful we both happened to be alone one October evening and had the courage to start a friendly conversation.  It has led to many months of joy.  I don’t think you want to be my Ian Prime, perhaps you don’t want to be any other woman’s Ian Prime.

Maybe you prefer the James Bond-ness of being a single footloose 40-something, fine figure of a man.  But anyway…you are doing what you want to…but you are bringing me great pleasure and happiness.

I would love to be taking you to all the amazing places my family and friends have explored in North Wales, the Lake District and Scotland.

Lots of thoughts in my head I am getting out on the page here…and I am frightened you might not like these thoughts.  I have no desire to ever hurt, offend, or annoy you.

Anyway…for now…I will just keep taking one day at a time with you…keep enjoying every moment with you…and try not to worry that I am boring to you because my head does not particularly see beyond a world where I am devoted to volunteering or else to an Ian Prime, who will be the centre of my universe.