Teased For Being Me

My good friends tease me for being a combination of three movie characters: 

I thought I would work on a few posts explaining this. I am not exclusively like any of them, I am me. But my friends laugh, and I must admit they make me laugh about the things I say and do or the things that happen to me that resemble one of these three.

Today I will explain why my friends say I am the female version of Forrest Gump (I have a lot more to say on the other two characters!)

lawn mowerSo the teasing began simply because I mentioned to my friends that when I lived out in Berkshire on a beautiful estate, one of my tasks was to keep the lawns in the formal gardens looking trim. To do so, I had to drive one of those lawn-mowers that Forrest drives in his job. So when my friends learnt this, they started to draw lots of other parallels between me and Forrest Gump.

I think I only saw the movie once…and I don’t think I saw it from beginning to end because there is a lot I do not remember.

Some of my friends think I am a tad gullible about people. Hmm – I don’t know. But I am someone who likes to believe the best in people, and does not give up on people easily. I can be extremely loyal and positive about someone. I am quite open (though I must admit, online I am a bit security conscious), but I am quite an open book in real life. I am also quite a mild, placid person, not easily provoked – I play dumb with aggressive people. And I do care about people, and have many times gone beyond the call of duty, as it were, to try to rescue someone.

strangers.jpgMy friends laugh at me for ending up in deep conversations with complete strangers. I might be out with friends but suddenly they find I have wandered off and am chatting with someone or a group of people I have never met about their beliefs or asking them questions. I know this may have happened on a few occasions, but it is not something I do deliberately. I do like people though. The thing about strangers is –  they are members of my family I just have not met yet, so they don’t frighten me as such. Until I feel threatened…but that is understandable after the crime I was victim of isn’t it? But I like people.

I think Forrest is famous for starting sentences with “my mamma says…”. As do I! Sometimes my friends will tell me about a decision they have made, and in my head I am thinking “what! are you nuts?” But to be kind, I tend to come out with something that my parents taught me as a little child and I relate how my parents would reason with me. So essentially I am giving my friends a lecture but doing so in the guise of my parents words of wisdom to me as a little one.

I also remember that Forrest did a lot of walking (or was it running?) at one period. This is something I am guilty of. It is rare now for me to have an entire day off. Of work, off socialising, off needing to clean my flat or do my laundry. But if I realize there is an opportunity for me to have an entire day to myself, my friends think that what I choose to do is completely crazy. I walk a twenty-two mile route. For those who think in metric, this is over thirty-five kilometres.

It is a route I love to walk. A circle around areas I love in London. What really provoked my friends is that one week when I was feeling really yuck after a week of night shifts, I walked that same route on two consecutive days. I am telling you, I am a walker. My legs don’t seem to get tired. Some of my friends have asked to walk with me, and I have told them before that I will only agree if they are happy to make their way home on public transport on their own if they cannot keep up with me. Several of my friends have tried but have given up half way and ended up jumping on the tube to go home.

running home.jpgI have always had a lot of stamina (because of the swimming we grew up with) and when I have been into running (mainly because I did not have enough time to walk at length – I prefer to walk because I can take in my surroundings, when I am running I am moving too quickly) I was fast. Some of my friends would run with me and tell me just to carry on ahead of them and they would run as a group behind. These legs of mine are like machines. I do have to limit my running now because it’s not unusual for me to have episodes where I am having breathing difficulties – one of the issues I have had after receiving head injuries.

However…although there may be some similarities between Forrest and me, I must confess that I never did get the hang of table tennis.

I can’t think of any other reasons why my friends say I am the female version of Forrest Gump…but this gives you an idea.

Well…it seems that most of my friends are in agreement that there is even more of Maria Von Trapp and Bridget Jones in me. I have been called Bridget Von Trapp for some time. I will explain more in future posts.

What Did His Friends Have To Say About It?

Where do I even begin?

So much was said…I am going to try to illuminate you as to the general flavour of the comments I received from Jack’s friends. There were two distinct types of remarks – those who just wanted to make fun and be crude, and those of Jack’s friends who seemed to want to offer some advice on the situation.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is fdslhjkg.pngPerhaps I should begin with Jamal, as I have already mentioned him in another post. What did Jamal have to say about Jack and me? Very early on Jamal started teasing Jack about me. Then Jamal started teasing me about Jack. Every time he appeared he would call me over to him, and then lead me to Jack. Jamal was forever taunting me in a mild way about having a crush on Jack, I don’t know what he was saying to Jack but I can only imagine it was ten times worse.

Jamal made himself a pain in the neck!  He kept on and on trying to arrange for Jack and me to be together. Jamal was always there hinting that Jack and I really wanted to be alone. At first it was funny, but then it became really annoying and embarrassing. I felt like we were all back at school.

Then Jack moved into the flat I was sharing already with Ella and Dean. Can you imagine Jamal’s reaction? There were always lots of young men pouring into our flat to hang out with Jack. He cared for them. Some of them were from broken up backgrounds and he tried to steer them away from drugs and crime and encouraged them to get involved with working for charities.

Jamal was a frequent visitor. When he saw that Jack and I had neighbouring rooms, he was highly amused. I know this is going to sound completely daft…well it is, plain and simple, Jamal kept teasing Jack in front of other friends…”Jack has been drilling a hole in the wall so that he can watch Mel when she is undressing.”

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is ldsfuihv.pngJamal was a super lad in himself. He was extremely gregarious and popular with people of all ages. He looked smart, he was always wearing a tailored suit or a cashmere sweater and a pair of his trendy spectacles. He was smooth, he was slick. He had constant laughter in his voice. Jamal was clever and capable and confident. He really looked up to Jack. Jack encouraged Jamal and gave him great advice.

Jamal’s jovial gregarious nature made his constant taunting Jack about me palatable to everyone. It is hard to not laugh along with someone who is laughing constantly. But he just kept on adding fuel to a fire that was burning steadily. There were others who were not as tame in their use of expressions as Jamal was.

Damian was one – I can’t bear to think of what Damian said and did. He thought the world of Jack. But I had known Damian long before either he or I met Jack. Damian and I had been friends since we were fourteen. He was the King of sarcasm. Damian was cruel to both Jack and me…and he would not stop. I kept on receiving messages from him. I saw Damian almost every day and he always had something to say. He was merciless. Hugh Sanders was another. Hugh was relentless. These silly men spread rumours like an infectious rash.

Now…after Jack and I had sat down and had that cup of tea…what did his friends have to say?

Jack’s “friends” knew there was something different. I am not going to repeat what Jamal, Damian and Hugh interpreted the change of atmosphere between Jack and I to indicate. I am still annoyed at what they said directly to Jack and I, but also the way they involved scores of others in their ongoing comedy commentary on what happened between us. I do not want to think about let alone publish how incredibly rude and crude some of what was said about Jack and I was.

I am going to tell you about some of Jack’s quieter more sensible friends.

First of all, Bernard. Benny, we all called him, or Granddad, because he always took that tone when offering advice. Benny was the opposite in temperament to Jack. Benny was mild and quiet and modest. Although Jack could get on Benny’s nerves, he did love Jack. Benny had also been a great friend to me since I had moved to London. Benny took me out for dinner a lot, took me to the theatre and invited me to parties. We were frequently at the Royal Albert Hall which we both adored. Benny decided he would have a word with me about Jack, during that week after the conversation between Jack and I had taken place. Benny told me that Jack was wonderful but that he was like a kid in the playground. Benny warned me that Jack was going to hurt me, because he had not grown up yet.

Then there was Tom. Tom, was another quiet one. Tom also spoke to me that week. Tom was quite direct asking me if Jack and I were together. I denied it of course. Tom rolled his eyes and remarked that Jack is such an idiot. I don’t know what prompted that. Tom told me it will take a strong woman to be able to put up with Jack’s immaturity.

singer.jpgThen there was a famous director who Jack had worked with and admired a lot. Sylvan threw amazing parties and was delighted to jump up on stage and sing or play any instrument that was handy.

Sylvan called me. It was such an odd phone call. Sylvan had a very strong accent and I struggled to make out everything he was saying on the phone. There seemed to be a point where he was congratulating me, and then, before I managed to enquire why Sylvan thought I needed congratulating, he started giving me advice about Jack. Sylvan said he had never know Jack more in love, but that Jack was like a child. He told me that it would take a woman like me to make a man out of Jack. I am not sure what on earth that meant. It was so bizarre I felt I was going to gag with laughter because I could not understand why Sylvan was calling me to say all of this.

Frankly, I was fed up of hearing what everyone else had to say. I wanted to speak with Jack again directly. I wanted to find out if there was any possibility he was contributing to the rumours I was hearing and ask him to make sure he strenuously denied anything was happening. And I wanted to do it in a way that made it clear to Jack that I was not against something happening, but that he and I needed to build some kind of friendship first before there was any possibility of that happening. Much as I was fond of Jack…I did not trust him, how could I trust my feelings with him?

Do you remember the Friday night when I was with Ella, I found out that Jack and Hugh and other friends and workmates of theirs had been out for a drink using money that people had bet on how long it would be before Jack and I started sleeping together. I was really mad about that, and I wanted to speak to Jack about that. I prepared myself and thought about exactly what to say.

Smiling, Boy, Man, Professional, HappyA young man who had recently moved to London named Brian saw me on the bus on Saturday morning when I was heading into town. I had worked with Brian on a project in Devon years before and remembered him. Brian was pleased to find someone who knew who he was. Brian had been out for drinks with the same group as Jack and Hugh. Brian hardly knew a soul in London, so it made sense for him to be tagging along with new workmates when he was invited to go out for a drink.

I should not have asked Brian so many questions. In his innocence and ignorance, Brian told me everything I wanted to know. He told me what was said and who it was said by. Although I felt enraged, I kept myself very calm while drawing more and more out of Brian. Of course my main interest was what did Jack say? Brian clearly had little respect or admiration for Jack. He made it very clear that Jack had made claims about what had happened between he and I that were not true at all. I told Brian that these claims were completely untrue. Brian was rather sweet and said he had doubted what he had heard anyway. I then told Brian that I was sick of false rumours and didn’t know what to do about them.

cocktail.jpgI asked Brian if he had had any plans for that day. He didn’t. He told me his schedule for the weekend was completely blank. He was just going to potter around galleries or museums in central London. I was going to meet some friends, but I was very early. I had wanted to get out of the flat before I saw Jack, which is why I had chosen the hour long bus ride into the centre of London rather than the tube.  I asked Brian if he wanted to grab a drink or a bite to eat. Brian let me pour out my heart about what had been happening with Jack.

Ending a light lunch with a cocktail, in a moment of madness and in response to him being so kind and empathetic, I did something I should not have. Up to now, I seem to have suffered gossip and rumours that were no fault of my own. But now I did something completely stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

kissI lent forward and kissed the poor bloke! Brian laughed and thanked me. I immediately apologised. Brian then said to me everything was cool. He looked thoughtful, and then he came out with an idea…an idea which I should have rejected. His suggestion was basically to fight fire with fire. So he pulled out his phone and then standing real close to me, with his arm around me, he took a selfie of the two of us. He posted it straight onto his Instagram account.

He then made it very clear that as far as he was concerned, I should not have to put up with Jack or anyone else making up false rumours about me. He said I should take a bit more control of the situation and I should confront Jack about everything I had heard. When I left Brian in order to go and meet my friends, I thanked him for being a great listening ear and apologised again about kissing him. He said “it never happened.” and then immediately waved his phone in the air and added, “or did it?

Smartphone, Notebook, Social MediaI could not be sure I knew entirely what Brian meant by that, so I looked at him with a serious gaze and confessed, “I do think I actually love Jack, but I am just really mad at him at the moment.”

Brian replied, “Well, I think he’s a fool. But I’m not a woman. I think it’s fairly obvious that if you didn’t care about him then you wouldn’t care about what everyone was saying. You definitely need to talk to him.

So that was that…after hearing from my close friends all week and Jack’s close friends, it was Brian, who hardly knew Jack or me, who helped me make my mind up that I had to have another conversation with my flatmate Jack.

This post is part of a series I am thinking of calling “STORM IN A TEA-CUP”:

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/09/07/your-daily-word-prompt-illuminate-september-7th-2018/

FOWC with Fandango — Schedule

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/07/rash/

Beam Me Up Scotty!

Mountain, Valey, Hill, People, Man, Alone, Dark, Night

I asked Goldfinch recently if he would teleport over to me here in London so I could spend some time with him.

He suggested it might be greener than air travel, however, he said that teleporting technology might also be risky because it could allow crackpot dictators to beam nuclear weapons to different places. I replied that is of course why we need to get rid of crackpot dictators, so that we can enjoy the benefits of inventions without all the bad misuses.

Anyway….we were just waffling (if you hadn’t already figured that out). But I have been feeling that way recently. Don’t worry, there is nothing wrong between Jack and me – quite the opposite in fact. I am thinking of Goldfinch because it is coming up to exactly three years since I met him. I am also thinking of him because he is special to me.

Jack is sitting me down for serious conversations about us and the future – which is good – but sometimes I want to be with a friend who supported me through a lot of heartache.

Goldfinch was the one who was there as I emerged from the cage of fear that was holding me back and started to take braver steps. I wish he was around for the big stuff in life.

What Did Suzie Have To Say About It?

For a start, you may ask, who is Suzie?

I shared a flat with Suzie, Tina and Marta for three years.  Suzie was always very easy to get on with.  The dynamics of our flat were amusing to many.  Everyone said Marta was papa bear, I was mama bear and Suzie and Tina were baby bears.  Or as another friend said, Marta bought everything for the flat, I cleaned everything in the flat, and Suzie broke everything in the flat, Tina was just little and cute.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is susgyfgtktd.pngSuzie and I got on as soon as we started working together. We both loved to laugh. Suzie is an amazing dancer. She has always been very popular because she is fun loving and loves parties. She loves shoes, she had a ridiculous amount of shoes which were stacked on top of each other in a pile that took up half of her wardrobe. Some of her shoes I liked, some of her shoes I thought were bizarre, but whenever she wore the shoes I thought were strangest, she received a bundle of compliments about them.

By the time I was living in a flat with my ex-flatmate – you know I have been thinking that is is becoming quite confusing talking about him all of the time as my ex-flatmate. So I am going to make up a name for him.  There is no way I would say his real name. Let’s call him Jack, erm…Jack Barnes.  Right, I hope you are awake, because from now on I am going to call my ex-flatmate (the one who crushed Caramel) Jack Barnes.

Suzie was married by the time I was living in the same flat as Jack. I had moved out of the flat we shared into another flat in the next road. Suzie and I used to spend so much time together before she was married, but I felt it best to give her some space when she was married. I did go round for dinner and loved that her husband cooked amazing jollof rice and plantain. I have loved plantain ever since I spent time in Ghana.

Suzie and I would try to meet on a regular basis after work to run home together. We lived about three miles away from where we worked. We could lengthen the distance we ran for by taking a circuitous route. I loved running. At that stage, I was running at least three times a week. I would do one long run of around 8 miles and two shorter runs of around 4 or 5 miles each week. The run home with Suzie was an extra and I enjoyed it because we used to chat almost the whole time we were running.

So what did Suzie have to say about the situation with Jack? Hmm, I think I have to go further back in time.

monopoly

Suzie was one of the first people who said I would be perfect for Jack. She had known him for years and their parents knew each other. I know that besides the fact Jack and I were both devoted to working as volunteers on various projects and were both known for being studious, people loved that we both had the same fondness for what we did in our spare time. We were very keen on karaoke and monopoly (not at the same time). That seemed to be everyone’s main focus for a while. I laughed, I just commented that if two people both love monopoly and karaoke, what else is there to worry about? I mean what else could ever be an issue? Karaoke and monopoly are clearly the foundation of a successful relationship!

In addition you probably need to know that Suzie’s husband was a very close friend of Jack’s.  They socialized together a lot.  He also seemed to think I would be perfect for Jack, but he warned me, Jack is not very sensitive to women and can come across a bit ignorant. He told me of several women who had been more than offended by him. He told me Jack is like a teenager and has never really learnt to understand women.

I also knew that Suzie’s husband and other friends who were very close to Jack had started to tease him about me. Especially a young man named Jamal. I will tell you more about Jamal in another post. But, I know that the teasing started with Jamal, Suzie’s husband and a group of their friends. Young men who were fun, popular and addicted to their phones…which is all how it started. I am sure that none of them had any intention of the explosion of invasive interest and insults that developed.

Suzie’s husband was one of the first to cotton on to the fact that what had originated with innocent teasing was starting to get out of hand. He took the time to discuss it with me and realized I was becoming alarmed at the comments I was receiving from complete strangers. From then on, Suzie and him tried to be as supportive as possible in a situation that was going to advance beyond anyone’s expectations. At the end of the day they cared for both Jack and me, and they tried their best to resolve the situation.

So much happened, it would take pages and pages to tell you everything Suzie said to me at every stage of the challenging situation that developed. It all makes up a huge tapestry of “he said this” and “she thought that” and is endless! So what did Suzie say after Jack sat down with me and made me a cup of tea?

Joggers, Women, Road, Run, Jog, MovementSuzie and I ran home together one evening that following week. First of all, she wanted to know if I was alright. I told her how happy I was with Jack.  Suzie seemed surprised.

Her main concern was my reaction to what everyone else was saying about Jack and I. She confirmed that the consensus of opinion was that Jack and I were now a couple, but she also said that even she was shocked at what she had heard and seen during that week.

I am sick of gossip and rumours Suzie. Other people have piled so much pressure on both Jack and me, it has ruined the atmosphere in the flat. I just want to be able to feel relaxed in my own home and for Jack to feel relaxed. I honestly thought that by now, people would have become bored and moved on to gossiping about someone else, but it doesn’t seem as if that is ever going to happen. So I only have one choice, to ignore what is being said and not to let it interfere with my life and life in the flat.”

Well done Mel. I think you are right. All you can do is ignore it. I just want you to be happy. You only deserve to be happy. So does Jack. If you could try to ignore the rest of the world, and don’t worry what anyone else thinks, maybe… just maybe, things will be easier between you and Jack.”

But even Suzie asked me if I thought there was any possibility, after all the damage, that anything more might develop between Jack and I.

Much as I loved Suzie, and loved spending time with her, the truth is I no longer trusted her with my feelings about Jack. I suspected she would share whatever I said with her husband and it would then go back to Jack. I truly wanted it to be Jack and I alone who discussed any possible prospects for a future relationship. So I tried to throw cold water all over the idea that anything could ever develop. I said I really did want to enjoy being friends and flatmates. That was all that mattered to me.

Suzie asked me if I knew what Jack wanted next. Now, how would I know what Jack wanted next?

I shrugged my shoulders and said that since the conversation the weekend before we had not had another heart to heart, we were just enjoying each other’s company more. Suzie then told me that Jack was making it known to his friends and colleagues that there was something between he and I.

Suzie, if he has something he wants to talk about to me, he knows where I live.  I am not going to worry about it. We have only just started to get along again. I am in no rush to jeopardise that.”

That’s fine Mel, just be prepared. He thinks you like him a lot.”

More to come:

via Circuitous — Word of the Day Challenge

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/09/04/your-daily-word-prompt-consensus-september-4th-2018/

FOWC with Fandango — Tapestry

These Boots Are Made For Walking

Nothing says “WE LOVE YOU” quite like a pair of wellington boots.

gsfgfdga

When friends who want to cheer you up know just how to make your smile. When they decide that it is is not satisfactory that your old wellington boots spring leaks. When they conclude that your old wellies would make perfect flower pots and you need wellies with a firmer sole to get you through the muddy months in the English woods.

Aaaaah! Sigh! There are so many different ways to show love…and wellington boots are definitely a great way to do so.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Confused, Muddled, Illogical

I am in a pickle. I have a friend who wants to talk regularly. They want to talk about subjects I am not in the mood for. We have different interests. We have different outlooks and different points of view.

The thing is my friend is always nice to me. I just dread their calls and messages. It’s probably antagonized because I am tired after work. My friend is staying at home after being put on furlough. He is bored. He seems to want to fill me in on politics and every development with the …you know – how many cases, how many deaths, the lastest news on testing.

I sent a series of half hearted messages. You know messages that were just a sentence long. Now my friend is wondering what is wrong. So I sent a message last night to say, I am very tired and when I come home from work the last thing I want to think about is politics or the …you know.

How to tactfully explain to him why I don’t want to answer his calls or reply to the subjects he brings up in emails….

Damn These Walls

Blur, Design, Fashion, Female, GownI had a song in my head all day yesterday….all on account of Goldfinch. Sigh…this is one of the songs that makes me think of you…that makes me think of you.

I just want to be by your side. If only these wings could fly. Oh damn these walls. Sigh…if these wings could fly.

Some songs just seem to perfectly capture your mood. This is one of them. Perhaps it is all made twenty times more intense by these lockdown, social distancing, closing borders times we are experiencing because of the …you know.

But I have started to feel a sense of panic that I just do not know when I will see him again. Oh what a to do! Our hearts play funny games with us – do they not!

I am very much in love with Jack. But Goldfinch is my friend, my former lover who is still my friend and I love him very much.

Sunlight comes creeping in
Illuminates our skin
We watch the day go by
Stories of all we did
It made me think of you
It made me think of you

Under a trillion stars
We danced on top of cars
Took pictures of the stage
So far from where we are
They made me think of you
They made me think of you

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
For the rest of our lives

I’m in a foreign state
My thoughts they slip away
My words are leaving me
They caught an aeroplane
Because I thought of you
Just from the thought of you

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Oh damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

If these wings could fly

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Oh damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

Written By:  Ryan B Tedder and Jasmine Lucilla Elisabeth Van Den Bogaerde (aka Birdy)

Just Another Day

It’s Friday….and I am working a long long day. This evening I will come home and have a shower and then slip into my bed. The world is celebrating yet another commercial holiday based on a pagan holiday. The retailers hope to celebrate. People who don’t have a significant other may feel lonelier that ever (well not all people, but some people may do).

resr

My Jack is abroad still. He rings me everyday. He rang me this morning, the same as he does most mornings. He is several hours ahead of me, so it easier for him to catch me in the morning. I am not great in the mornings, so I normally just listen to excited chatter! Hearing Jack’s voice is the highlight of the day. He also sends me lots of photos via email to give me an idea of what he is up to.

I am longing for Jack to come home, but I will have to be patient. Anyway, he would hate that I have to work so much at the moment. These sixty hour a week work schedules do not leave me with much time or energy.

robin readingThe other great love of my life (my romantic life) is in Australia. I have never sent him a card on 14th February. Although I have written plenty of love letters to him. But this year, I wrote him a book instead. I dedicated it to him (and my little apricot). A copy of the book is winging it’s way to Australia…although Amazon say it might be another month before it arrives!!!

When I am starting my day, he is finishing his. So last night I sent him a message that I hoped he would read when he woke up. I

I also put together a collection of journal entries and ditties I wrote last spring. It’s something I wanted to do because it is just coming up to a year since a sad loss that I have thought about all year. It’s been a bust week for Melody FInch on Amazon. Thank goodness my techno friend is patient with me. I cook, he works out the Kindle Dashboard. It seems to work well. He is the only man this year who has gotten any chocolates out of me. But that was just to thank him for figuring out how to turn these writings into real books.

We all need techno friends!

I Never Want To Be Strangers Again

I was supposed to be going to Heathrow with Jack today. However, he has changed his flight because of a funeral. I won’t write about the funeral right now. Jack is upset. But that means I won’t be able to go with him when he sets off. Nevermind. There will be other opportunities, I am sure. I hope to meet him at the airport when he comes back to London. That will be lovely.

Couple, Young Couple, Love, RomanceOther people “knowing” about us, is already changing the dynamics of the relationship between Jack and I. Before it was just him and me. Now it’s opinionated comments, probing questions and friendly teasing from others. Sigh.

It is good that everyone knows. I am especially relieved that my family know! But part of me wants to crawl back into the cave with him and keep out everyone else from our relationship for longer.

I forgot how freely other people offer opinions and make jokes about subjects that are still quite sensitive. It is very unfortunate that so many of our friends know that there has been a very rocky road for Jack and I. It’s giving them plenty to talk about and tease us about. I am trying to take it in good humour. But I have been very busy, and when you are tired, you are sometimes a little more emotionally fragile than usual.

Don’t worry there have been no disasters yet. I just feel more emotional than before. What people say does affect me. I am trying not to let it be an issue between Jack and I.

Eye, Tear, Sadness, Cry, Sad, HumanBut do you know that pain that you get somewhere near the back of your throat when you are upset. It makes it painful to swallow and sends a sharp rush of tears to your eyes. Some of the remarks and questions I have received have triggered that.

I just do not want anything to spoil things between Jack and me. We were strangers, who became friends, who became lovers, who became strangers again. By some miracle, the estrangement was healed and we are friends and lovers again. But it would break my heart it if Jack and I ever became strangers again. Queue the BBC Voice of 2020, yes Celeste:

Dreams Come True

My friends are amazed!!! You know…I had forgotten how amazing it is! But the looks and expressions from my friends, the exclamations of shock and amazement are reminding me!

I was shocked when Jack called me and I have been very surprised at how things have developed between us. But my friends seem to think it more of a miracle than I do!

One of my friends said that I have a very positive outlook, and she always thought I was a bit of a dreamer. But she said she is pleased for me that my dreams seem to come true.

why hold back.jpg

The thing is…I couldn’t see how the sad situation with Jack could have gone on for much longer. I never completely lost hope that eventually we would be reconciled. It did seem very doubtful at times. I felt so much hurt. But it was when the situation hurt the most, when I felt my conscience tell me not to write-off the situation. Keeping hope alive brought me peace and made me feel better.

My friends are extremely excited. News is spreading quickly. They all seem very pleased and genuinely amazed. What does make me laugh a lot – is that a lot of my family have started to follow Jack on Instagram again. It’s a strange world nowadays!