When It’s Time To Say GoodBye…I’ll Be Waving Up At The Sky

We now have a leaving date! When I say “we”…of course I don’t mean we, I mean he. Goldfinch has booked his flight back to Australia. The plan is for him to spend some time here in London with me, just before he travels, and I will be with him right up to the last minute, when he says goodbye to fair old English shores.

I do understand security concerns at airports. But it is so hard having to say goodbye near the check-in gates and not be able to wait with him in the departure lounge. Not to be able to wave to his plane as it takes off. It just is not as romantic as the olden days.

In all honesty, it may be a good thing that I am not allowed past the check-in gates, I might be tempted to throw myself on the floor and grab hold of Goldfinch’s legs to stop him leaving me!

No…instead…I will have to be content with watching Goldfinch vanish behind a wall. And that will be it…GONE! Not knowing when, if ever at all, I will behold that beautiful smile again.

sky.jpg

There is no way I will be able to pick out the aeroplane carrying Goldfinch far away from me. I will be looking up at the sky waving at every plane, (just in case) until they disappear without a trace.

I am going to spare you a dramatic description of the stab of pain that will gush into my heart at that point. I felt it once last December when he went away for five weeks to spend the holidays with his family. There is no doubt in my mind that is going hurt more this time round. But I have known this moment was coming for over a year. So now is the time to be brave, to muster all my strength and help make every moment wonderful for Goldfinch.

Last December, I walked out of the terminal in tears. But as I made my way down the escalators to the Piccadilly line of the London Underground, I started hatching a plan to surprise him based on every little scrap of information I had heard him mention.

This time round…aaaaaaah! I think I will finish this post before I become too weepy.

 

 

 

 

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/11/08/daily-writing-challenge-nov-8/

FOWC with Fandango — Trace

Shamelessly In Love

Last night I was waiting at the station for Goldfinch to arrive…I spotted him before he saw me. He was right behind a man who was walking up the steps slowly. As soon as I saw Goldfinch my face started to beam. Only, I think that the man in front of Goldfinch thought my smiles were for him. Because he started looking at me and smiling. He came through the barrier and started walking towards me. By then Goldfinch had seen me and cut through the crowds and reached me first. Thank goodness!

Aaaaaaah….isn’t it funny how everything seems to sparkle when you are walking hand in hand along London streets with a man who has the ability to enchant you and who makes your heart go booom booooom!

I had the chance to do something with Goldfinch that I have not done all year. This might sound daft, but I savoured every moment. I have always said to my friends, that I would rather share a bag of chips at a bus-stop with a man that I loved rather than be wined and dined by the wrong man. So for the very first time since I met Goldfinch, we bought some chips from a traditional fish & chip shop and munched them while we were waiting for the bus back to the little nest.

Aaaaaah! So happy! So very very happy!

Perhaps you have thought the same as I…that if only it were possible to bottle up that kind of happiness and save it for rainy days.

Goldfinch had to be back for work again today. So yet again I experienced 3.15am. The second time this month. Travelling across London on public transport with fellow passengers who seem to be fast asleep although their eyes are open.

Did I care I was leaving a warm snuggly bed to venture out into the chilled morning air? Not when I had Goldfinch holding my hand. Not when I was able to dance with him in the misty moonlight looking down over us. Not when I was able to sit close to him on the bus and feel his head leaning against my shoulder.

Aaaaaah! So so happy! Hot chocolates for us at the station before he boarded, and then all I could do was hang on to the last moment waving and blowing kisses to my Goldfinch, who had fallen asleep the moment he had relaxed into his seat. Still I received a wave and a blown kiss from some guy who obviously thought I was making quite a show of myself.

Shamelessly in love! Shamelessly happy!

 

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/10/23/your-daily-word-prompt-enchant-October-23-2018/

FOWC with Fandango — Public

 

Where Will I Be Without Him?

 

faded love.jpg

Since I said goodbye to Goldfinch in the early hours of Monday morning (which is less than a week ago, although it feels like much longer), he has been in Belgium and he is very soon on his way to Italy. Any day he will call me to say his flight is booked to Australia.

There is a lot he would like to squeeze in before he travels back to live on the opposite side of the planet.  I cannot blame him.  I am thrilled for him really.  I love him, why would I ever resent him seizing every opportunity life throws at him?

goodbyesI have a feeling in my heart, more like a dread, that the next time I am with him, it will be the “Goodbye” I have known was coming for a whole year and am so mournful about now that it finally has drawn near. I saw a quote when I was thinking about losing Goldfinch.  It said “How wonderful to have someone who makes saying goodbye so hard”…the jury is still out on that one!

It will be goodbye.  I am not going to explain all the reasons in this post, but maybe at a later date, I will explain why I am convinced it will be a real goodbye.

For now…I am starting to contemplate where I will be without him? Where I was before? Lost? Lacklustre? Reticent of love? Reluctant to allow hope any room in my heart?

I have had an entire year of warmth and vibrant joy and have been very much in love. Goldfinch found me just over two years after I had been the victim of a crime that has changed my life.  It was just over a year after I had returned to London. I was a bit of an ice-queen…determined not to let anyone else break me. Goldfinch became my shelter from the storm. I have to be ready to brave that storm again.

For now, I am trying to hold myself together so that Goldfinch does not comprehend the depth of my grief in losing him.  Once he has gone, then I will crumble.  Until then, he will only know joy and delight with me.

And now you see, I find a new appreciation for all the posts that have been inspired by him. How pleased I am that I have been writing about him. They will be a memorial to a lost love.  I may crumble, but I have an abundance of pages recording my year of joy and love and warmth that will remain intact. I am so pleased to have a treasure of pages to reminisce about the man that brightened my life and warmed my heart this past year.  Homage to my ray of hope.

I was lost…

…but it didn’t matter when Goldfinch found me.

I had broken wings…

…they didn’t hurt so much when Goldfinch started to fly with me.

If you know a little about opera, then I am sure you will understand why I am posting a link to the song below…one of the prettiest of love songs in the opera world.  If you are not sure of the story behind “Un Bel Di”, it makes an interesting read on a Sunday and will delight you I am sure.

If you ever have chance to hear it sung on stage, you are in for a treat! The haunting echoes of the orchestra ricochet around the theatre making the hairs stand up on the back of your neck!

nascosta (in bold type) means hidden

Un bel di vedremo
levarsi un fil di fumo sull’estremo confin del mare.
E poi la nave appare.
Poi la nave bianca entra nel porto,
romba il suo saluto.
Vedi? È venuto!
Io non gli scendo incontro. Io no.
Mi metto là sul ciglio del colle
e aspetto, e aspetto gran tempo e non mi pesa
la lunga attesa.
E… uscito dalla folla cittadina
un uom, un picciol punto
s’avvia per la collina.
Chi sarà? Chi sarà?
E come sarà giunto?
Che dirà? Che dirà?
Chiamera Butterfly dalla lontana.
Io senza dar risposta
me ne staro nascosta
un po’ per celia e un po’ per non morire al primo incontro,
ed egli alquanto in pena chiamerà, chiamerà:
“Piccina mogliettina, olezzo di verbena,”
i nomi che mi dava al suo venire.
Tutto questo avverà, te lo prometto.
Tienti la tua paura, – io con sicura fede l’aspetto.
GIACOMO PUCCINI – as if you didn’t know!

 

 

 

FOWC with Fandango — Shelter

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/10/14/your-daily-word-prompt-vibrant-october-14-2018/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/14/ricochet/

Song Lyric Sunday Theme for 10/14/18

Next To Me Where You Should Be

night bus.jpgDid you know that there was a 3.15 in the morning?  It might seem hard to believe but, there really is!  I only know because this morning, I left my sweet abode to accompany Goldfinch into Central London where he would board a coach taking him far away from me.

The roads were completely silent right up until we reached the heart of London.  Well we saw foxes. Goldfinch loves foxes. (Ha ha – I think I already knew that!)

Hand in hand with the Goldfinch, dancing in the moonlight waiting for the night bus, singing every romantic song I could think of into his ear.

Standing there until the last minute so I could wave goodbye to him as the coach pulled away from the inner court of the station, and then running outside onto the main road so I could see the coach pass. Standing on the pavement waving at him…but he was looking down at his phone, so the coach-driver probably assumed I was some crazy lady waving at him.

night Big BenMaking my way back across London to my little nest.  Gazing up at the sky – pink and blue…the same colour as me.  Flushed pink with adoration and affection for my Goldfinch, blue once I have parted from him yet again, knowing my time with him is flitting away at an alarming pace.

Climbing back into bed and breathing in his scent on my pillow. Letting a few tears trickle down (I didn’t let my eyes leak once while I was with him) and deciding the only thing to do is to send him a text message “I LOVE YOU GOLDFINCH”…and then drifting away into sweet sleep. Wishing he was beside me, and we were all set to hibernate together for the winter months.

Opening my eyes realizing he is not there.  He should be, he should be next to me.  But he is already miles away, probably on his way to work by now, back to the grindstone, back to routine.

Goldfinch…should be always next to me.

 

 

 

 

FOWC with Fandango — Routine

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/10/08/your-daily-word-prompt-hibernate-october-8-2018/

Flying With Goldfinch

G-g-g-g-g-guess who is coming to see me this weekend?

I have cancelled all my plans for Goldfinch…and I am not one bit sorry.  It’s such a trial trying to stay patient while I am waiting to share moments with him.

I can’t wait for the moment he arrives in London. I am going to try…it might not work, but I will try to throw one or two surprises into this weekend for him.

I will try to make him as happy, even a fraction as happy, as he makes me!

 

 

 

FOWC with Fandango — Trial

He Is Like A Dream

Moments with Goldfinch…which will soon be memories of Goldfinch…which will be like dreams.  He and I walking hand in hand through autumnal forest, finding ourselves quite alone in an enchanting glade with golden rays of sunlight streaming through the canopy above.  How beautiful to share those moments with Goldfinch, how beautiful my memories, how beautiful my dreams!

On Sunday, Goldfinch said he wished I was just down the road so that whenever he wanted he could come over and chat and hold me for a few hours.

At the moment he is a two hour drive away (but because we both tend to use the train or coach to travel, it works out closer to three hours).  It is hard to explain the excitement that builds when I am about to see him again. Hearing his Australian tones utter the words “Hey Gorgeous!” and his arms wrapping around me….aaaaah! (I know he should get his eyes tested, but we won’t worry about that right now!)

But then there is the agony of saying goodbye and having to make the journey back to my little abode without him.

Long distance relationships are not easy…I know at least one other blogger who totally understands this, as she explained her situation in a comment she sent last week.

You end up dreaming your life away because you miss each other so much. I guess I am going to have to get used to this…in the near future…two or three hours will seem like nothing.  10,100 miles is a lot further than 110 miles.  I have a lot of dreaming ahead of me.

I am sure there is a limit to how much you can tolerate of me publishing posts about my love for my Goldfinch…but remember, he is going soon…and then I will be profoundly sad…and I will surely be writing mournful dirges and odes to my long lost love.

 

FOWC with Fandango — Limit

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/glade/

I Only Wanna Be With You

There is one man on the planet right now who makes me excited and loved.

To me, Goldfinch is the quintessence of man!

I quite simply love him!

Sometimes he seems to have too much on his plate, his head full of worries.  He has a very demanding job. Even I get annoyed at the ridiculous and radical requests of his seniors at work. When he has finally finished work and goes back to his digs, he has little space to himself, as he shares a house with other professionals.

He loves his head being rubbed…I love massaging his head (don’t know what I am doing, but he likes it).  I sometimes wish I could hold him tight and let all his worries melt away.

I love him so much…I wish I could hide him away from the rest of the world in my little nest and not let anyone mither him.  Aaaaah gorgeous Goldfinch…if only I could make life and work easier for him.

 

 

 

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/30/quintessence/

FOWC with Fandango — Radical