This might sound daft, but I had the chance to actually feel I was being supportive of Jack during a stressful experience he had recently. It was not long before he went away that he had a very emotional situation explode on him.
He helps a lot of young lads from pretty mixed up backgrounds. Something terrible happened with one of the lads who has been doing really well. So sad. Huge loss for Jack, to see someone get involved with trouble and crime again. So sad. It upsets Jack to see someone he has come to care about and has invested so much time and encouragement in, make such a silly decision.
Jack is such a gorgeous person. He cares so much. I saw Jack in tears when he heard what happened. I loved being the person he could turn to for some loving words. I loved being the shoulder he could cry on. I do love being with him. I love what he does. I love he man he is. I am so glad that he and I are close again. Well…right now there is a big distance between us because of his current assignment. But we are in touch every day.
This makes me realize I have a problem. My eyes were profoundly leaky. What if they start leaking like that in front of Goldfinch? I don’t want to ruin things for him.
And then comes the guilt from wondering if the pain and the tears are really due to losing Goldfinch, or am I still grieving over that happened with Jack? It’s only Jack that has been able to effect me like that before now. I only associate pain like this with him.
I guess we have all at one stage been quite taken by a Cinderella story. I know it has perhaps been told five billion times too often. However not even the most hard-hearted can deny that it is the very essence of a happy ending.
I really liked the film “Ever After” which was a Cinderella story, because there was no magic pumpkin or fairy god-mother. It was just about two people from of course the opposite end of the social rift falling for each other. Plus Anjelica Huston has some memorable lines.
Yes, it is sad…especially so for me. After all, this man has given me the biggest smile in London! But, even if I turned out to be a princess with a palace and a collection of sports cars, and any other luxury Goldfinch may ever have imagined – it still would not change things. He is not even keen on royalty, so if I did tell him I was a princess he might want to have me guillotined!
Lots of lovely bloggers have tried to keep me optimistic. I really appreciate that. But he is going. And there is a strong possibility I will never see him again. Yes, it is a big deal to me. But I have come to terms with it and I am alright. I am going to be sad. But I will be alright. Crying is a miraculous gift that helps us to deal with pain and grief and I feel I will be perfectly entitled to my fair share of crying after he has gone. But…I will be alright!
I love him so much and that is all that matters! Let’s not worry about happily aver afters. I am all for them – but Goldfinch needs his freedom more than he needs me. That doesn’t make him a baddie. He is a wonderful wonderful man…but he needs to be home. He is not going to make any decisions that will alter the course of his life, while he is 10,100 miles away from everything that shaped him.
The future has not happened yet…I am not overly worried whether I ever do have a happily ever after myself. I already have a life so rich with memories and experiences that have shaped me…I could be happy until my last breath quite easily. But the future has not happened yet and there is no reason why I should think about breathing my last breath yet!
As many of you know, Helen Vahdhati has wisely decided to focus on her health for the present time. Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, the creator of 
Caramel 