Jack was so funny after I had my CT scan two weeks ago. He kept on staring at my head…and asking me, “What is going on inside of this beauty?”
A lot goes on inside my head…I know this. I do sometimes wonder what it is that these CT scans pick up (and perhaps I do worry a little in case there is something they might be missing).
The extraordinary thing about the human brain is our level of conscientiousness. Our ability to contemplate and wonder, to imagine and fantasize, to debate and discern.
Yes…whatever the scans show…whatever Jack is curious about…there is something amazing going on inside this head of mine. I just wish we could find away to make sure it didn’t take impromptu breaks when it comes to telling my heart to keep working away.
Jack has been reading all sorts of other information about the brain (which seems to be because he is so worried about me). He has come up with some fascinating nuggets of information:
“the cerebral cortex contains approximately 14–16 billion neurons…the estimated number of neurons in the cerebellum is 55–70 billion…”
– WIKIPEDIA (Brain)
Apparently, if you lived for eighty years, you would have lived for 2.5 billion seconds. Which perhaps gives us a little help in contemplating all of those billions of neurons. Our Milky Way galaxy is estimated to contain over 100 billion stars.
Each neuron is connected to other neurons….several thousands of other neurons…by means of connections called “synapses”.
“…the human brain has been estimated to contain approximately 100 trillion synapses…”
But I am sure…that your brain is to you more than some big figures…lots of zeros. Your brain contains the universe with you…all of your memories, the passions, the dreams…things that are incredibly precious to you.
I just wish my brain was not such a worry. It is such a astonishing object – nothing in the universe has been found to compare with the human brain. So, it would be nice if mine would behave!!!
Poor Jack! He had a fright this week. I had a little breathing episode. It’s this annoying head of mine. Sometimes my brain seems slow to catch up with my body demanding more oxygen. We had been walking up hill. It was dark. I think Jack thought I had tripped over at first.
Anyway…we had the lovely privilege of spending part of the evening in a London hospital, rather than snuggling up on the sofa, as we would have otherwise.
It changed the tone of our time together. I think Jack was a bit freaked by it all. But I kept telling him he was allowed to touch me, I wasn’t going to break in pieces. So he returned to his lovely huggable ways.
In some ways, it was important that he understands for himself the effects of that night I went to the park. I don’t want him to be plagued with why I went there. What I mean is, he needs to understand why I was not able to return to London straight away. He needs to understand why I have been limited with regards the kind of projects I work on. In a way, it might make him aware of why I can’t play basketball and run for miles like I used to do.
Sigh. I have mixed feelings about it all – as you may imagine. It’s so important for him to know. I have mentioned it to him. But after what happened, I think it’s hit home to him. It’s sad, so sad, that that stupid mistake of mine, to feel I could not go home yet, because I could not face him, and to go to a park instead. If I had guessed how he really felt about me, I would never have gone to that park on my own. That stupid mistake still has consequences that may affect our future happiness. Sad face! 😦
But Jack was wonderful. Happy face! 🙂
Anyway…it is important to me that Jack knows that nothing matters anymore. I don’t care about what happened in the past and the sad consequences. He has fixed everything just by picking up the phone to try to make things right between us. No matter what happens, I can take it. He has made me stronger. He has fixed me. Nothing else matters anymore.
I mentioned the other day that this time of year I seem to be plagued with powerful memories and flashbacks. The human brain – a mystery and yet hailed as the most remarkable thing yet discovered in the universe. Mine had a bit of a shaking – quite literally – when I received head injuries on the night I was the victim of a crime.
This is the fourth summer I am finding that the weather, the grass, trees, noises of animals, darkness, benches…all sorts of daft things seem to be triggers – thoughts go racing through the wormholes of my mind and take me back to an awful event in my life.
Sigh. It is tiring, very tiring. And I feel unreasonable fears. I can’t specify what I am frightened of…it’s more a recurrence of the dread I felt that night when I realized what was happening.
Most of the time I am fine, everything is fine, and the trauma of what happened does not effect me too much. But these flashbacks make me feel just a tad crazy at times. It really stretches me. I should not have to put this much effort into taming my mind. But my mind is wild and raw right now.
Which reminds me…I was singing a song to myself the other day which I have not heard for ages! But it is definitely worth a spin! I remember one of my friends giving me an Eternal album as a gift. I was not a huge fan of them myself, but I loved that album. Here is the odd thing about memory…I know a school friend gave me that album, but I don’t know who. I remember primary school clearly, high school is a vague recollection.
When I received my head injuries, it did effect my memory. My family and friends have noticed more than I have. But every now and then I have identified that there are missing memories – periods in my life where I just cannot remember people. I can remember some things, but cannot connect them to a bigger picture – I hope that makes sense. Maybe it is all there…somewhere through the wormholes of my mind.
Anyway…this was one of the songs that I liked from that Eternal album…there were some other great tracks – perhaps I will use them in future posts. If my memory does not fail me!
Apparently these are the top five foods for the brain… well, this is what Dad keeps telling me over and over again.
I am having all of them…..except I am really not in the mood for apples.
I love fresh, juicy, crisp apples in the summer. But this time of year the only way I can get my head round apples is in a crumble. I have to admit, I am super-duper fussy with my apple crumble. I mean I would always be polite when someone with a proud grin sets before me their prized apple crumble.
But in reality…..I only like it my way!!!!!!!!!
Apples sweet cinnamon perhaps some sultanas thrown in. And then a huge deep layer of crumble. Crumble being the main event. Sometimes oats thrown in or some brown sugar to give a bit of a crunch.
Then thick custard. Hot or cold I don’t mind which. For extra indulgence a caramel sauce. But I respect apple crumble tastes differ.
When I lived in the countryside I was forever coming home to find a kind friend or neighbour had left a box of apples from their trees on my doorstep. So I made a lot of crumble each autumn and had a lot of friends round on cold evenings for hot toddies and crumble. Some had the same preference for crumble over fruit as me and my youngest sister. But other friends complained vehemently “where is the fruit?”
Actually……I really wished I had perfected a blackberry crumble. I used to use blackberries in an oatmeal cakey scone recipe. It was yum but very tricky to make.
But the yummiest has to be cherries…..but in a pie.
This is just fruit.
Don’t get me started on pecan pie, banana bread, bakewell tart, carrot cake, choco cheesecakes, black forest roulades, melting choco puds with butterscotch sauce……I am hungry.
I am remembering all the dinner parties I threw in the past. I miss that. Living in a tiny bedsit in London means no huge dinner parties. Although, I have squeezed up to twelve friends in…most had to sit on the floor…it was rather cosy! One of the guys knocked a glass of red wine all over my white curtains. I have been happy here….but now I am thinking of all the things I miss. Memories are dominating me and devouring my contentment.
Maybe I am eating too many blueberries, my memory seems to be sharper than ever. Perhaps I have had too much food for the brain. Need to switch off for a bit.
Select 3 bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’
THERE IS A UNIVERSE INSIDE YOUR HEAD!
I was reading an article about a brain expert, who teaches at a university in England. He has been studying the human brain for fifty years. Some of his explanations where a bit overly technical for me, but he did make it clear that the human brain has an extraordinary capacity and potential. I will simplify his explanation:
“The human brain has many billions of neurons, which communicate with one another … a single neuron may make many thousands of connections with other neurons…. The total number of connections in the brain is astronomical!”
There is a universe inside your head!
The possibilities are enormous. Look at the incredible diversity of creative ideas reflected by different bloggers. We all have a different flair, a different take on the word prompts and writing challenges.
I think it’s wonderful to have at least one medium – whether it is art, music, poetry, story-writing – to develop and explore that remarkable feature of the human brain – imagination – ideas – that lead to creation. It is something that it is worth giving ample time to, because it is very rewarding to imagine and create. This ability makes humans very very special. How we use our imagination and what we go on to create may have a massive impact on our future.
I was looking for a quote I heard many years ago, but I could not find it, so I went with the one above instead. But the quote I remembered was referring to the mind of the Creator and his exquisite imagination.
I think many of us do know that spending some time out in nature is incredibly good for us. Beholding spectacular mountain views, magnificent sunsets, being inspired by starry skies, the rainbow of colours that erupt in the spring-time….there are so many gloriously beautiful scenes all around us in creation, or if you prefer, nature. Whether you believe that a mind, full of imagination, is behind those scenes or not, I am sure you will agree it is really good for us to be able to soak up the great outdoors.
I don’t think many of us are living the way we were designed to. Currently we live in a system that often turns us into the proverbial hamster running endlessly round and round the same old routine.
I see people travelling on the tube here in London and they look uninspired and tired. For many, life revolves around work, their phone, TV, and a host of other man-made things, that seem to distract them from using their own imagination and thinking about the stunning beauty of this earth, the beauty all around us that is not at all man-made.
I find that the world that man has built seems to stifle something deep inside of me. I rebel against it frequently. I need nature, creation. I don’t watch much TV, but I love a good documentary about creation like BBC’s “The Blue Planet” series.
I have just watched an incredible five minute video on a website I frequently visit because it inspires and educates me. The video is about light and colour – it humbled me to think how extraordinary creation is. It explained the phenomenon of iridescence. Although the technical explanation was impressive and made me admire the ingenuity of the designer, yet again I was in awe of the sheer beauty that this design feature produces. I believe it speaks volumes about the mind, the imagination that came up with these ideas and created countless ingenious and spectacular “things” which don’t pollute the air and water and do not block out the light from the stars.
For me, the greatest creative imagination is evident in what has not been man-made, but is displayed generously throughout our home planet. I truly believe that we should all make ample time to consider the marvels of creative imagination that are all around us.
A friend told me I am a left-brainer, and I have to admit her explanation sounded very plausible, although I am sure I do have two halves of my brain. But I do agree that I have a brain that is more wired towards maths and science and being organized and practical etc.
I am not very good at art or anything particularly creative. However, I love creation. My sister brought some things down from my flat on the other side of London recently. I found in one box a stack of note-books which I had decorated myself with pictures I had cut out of travel brochures and wildlife magazines.
That is just about as creative as I have ever been. But for years I used to make my own cards too in a similar style, because buying cards was so expensive. I sent a lot of letter and cards.
Well, I am going to nominate three bloggers that I do know are a lot more creative than I am:
Please check out her blog, I am sure you will love her posts as much as I do.
These are loosely the rules of the Sunshine Blogger Award:
Thank the blogger who nominated you.
Use the “Sunshine Blogger Award” logo on your post.
Answer the questions the selector asks of you.
Nominate bloggers you want to give the award to.
Ask the following bloggers that you selected questions of your own.
My responses to the questions asked by her are:
1. What is your secret desire?
I have many desires. I would need a whole book to list all of them. But this is one that I often fantasize about!
I am not very good with dairy. Milk, cream, cheese, yogurt, ice-cream…these cause calamitous side-effects in me. Although I love cheese…I can have a tiny bit once in a blue moon and I seem to be able to get away with it.
This might not seem a very exciting secret desire, but anyone who has difficulties with dairy – they truly knows what I mean.
So my secret desire is a huge dairy-feast without the concequences!!!
2. What would you like to be in the next birth?
I am not sure I would ever like to have to go through birth again. Either myself being born or having to give birth! I congratulate myself that I graduated from nappies or diapers. I survived puberty. I am glad that is all out of the way.
Life as a human should obviously be very special. The awareness and potential we have is far greater than any other creature on the planet. Much as I am fascinated by animals and plants, and there is so much to learn from other creatures, it is clear that humans are very different.
Our ability to reason, weigh up matters of justice and morality, appreciate art and music, design and create, ponder and meditate and ask questions like “How did life begin? Why am I here? Where am I going?” are exceptional. I would never downplay how special it is to be a human with enormous potential. Sadly, we also have the potential to cause harm to ourselves and others (it is painful to see how many seem to do exactly that). But we have to make choices and live with the consequences.
I have heard it said that of all the discoveries scientists have made in the known universe, there is nothing that can compare with the human brain. I know some people do not seem to use their brains! However, the potential we have is incredible. Our capacity for compassion and unselfish love are unlimited. However, it all depends on how we feed our own thinking and what we allow to develop. Thoughts develop into feelings which lead to words and actions, some of which become habits or practices. I wish people would care for their thoughts more and make their minds as spectacular and delightful as they were designed to be.
If I was not a human…hmm. I have to admit, there are occasions when, I would love to hibernate for the whole of winter. I believe that is what bears do. Plus, if I were a bear, I would never have to worry about what to wear in the morning, because I would have a beautiful coat of fur. I would be allowed to eat as much as I wanted and be big and cuddly and that would be fine. I am not sure I would get on very well being a vegetarian bear. However, I am a human, I am never going to be a bear, so I will not worry myself too much about that.
3.What one thing would you like to change?
I guess we all have regrets. There may be major or minor events in our lives we wish never happened. Sometimes we realize we just made the wrong decision, and now faced with the consequences we may long to be able to turn back time and change that pivotal moment.
For myself, it has to be the night I was buckling under the emotional pressure of having been taunted by ex-flatmate and his fans and friends. I was out with friends, but I didn’t feel as if I could go home because I kept on seeing him. Just before I had left my flat that night I saw him in the elevator. Instead of going straight home when I left my friends, I went to a park on my own to let myself have a good cry. Hours later as the morning broke, a security guard found me and called for an ambulance. The crime that occurred that night…well, it has turned my life upside down.
Three years later I am still longing to go home to my flat, with all my furniture and to be back where I belong. But that is it… it happened. I can’t change it. A temporary blip in my otherwise satisfying life. But I am not going to allow it to prevent me from living a life full of work, joy and helping others.
But if it were in my power, there is an event I think I would like to change.
There is a decision that I guess was the worst in all human history. The consequences have meant pain and sorrow. Countless injustices and crimes. Disease, abuse, war and many other horrific crimes. Humans living out of harmony with what we were designed for. Sure I would love to go back in time and stop them. However, it was their decision to make.
Talk about a disappointment! However, I have no doubt that it is a temporary blip. I am convinced that this beautiful human family and this beautiful planet can be restored and healed. All of the damage undone. They made their decision, but it will not prevent this earth from being filled with happy and healthy humans. Hey if I am determined to achieve my goals despite the obstacle I face…HOW MUCH MORE SO THE ONE WHO HARNESSED VAST AMOUNTS OF NUCLEAR ENERGY INTO STARS??? Hello!!! I have no doubt, we will look back at this shameful period in history and think “did that really happen?”
It happened… we can’t change that it happened. But one day it will fade into a distant memory. All the pain will be forgotten.
My questions to my nominees are:
I was thinking of inviting you over for a cheese and wine night (soft drinks available for those who do not indulge)…Do you have a favourite type of cheese?
Did you wear a school uniform? What was it like?
What’s your most embarrassing typo on your own blog posts?
Do you like weddings? Why? (Or Why Not?)
Describe your perfect shoe / footwear?
Do you like “abstract” art? Could you please explain it to me?
If you owned a shop, what would you be selling?
Do you have a favourite ice-cream?
Do you have any former school friends who are famous?
If you were going to dance at a special occasion, what would be the song that would make you want to get up and start dancing?
If you were being a tourist for a day in London – where would you like to visit?