Heal Us

still control me.jpg

You still have power over me

Your glare sends shivers down my spine

From miles away you still haunt me

Though I’m not yours and you’re not mine

Please don’t let anger consume you

It only makes you look so weak

I would love to sit down with you

And listen to you as you speak

Can we heal this rift between us?

I always pray to God above

With the hope that He can heal us

For you, I still cling to this love

Explaining The Magic Bin Emptying Fairy

In a few of my previous posts I have mentioned former single male flatmates who seemed to believe in “the magic bin emptying fairy”.  It seems I have caused a little confusion by using this term.

Well, some bloggers understood immediately what I was talking about, whereas others seemed puzzled.  So I am going to try to explain to clear up any confusion that lingers.

emptying rubbish (2)There are those flatmates, house-mates, even members of one’s own family or household who seem unawares of a supreme truth.  Someone, and by that I mean a human, not a fairy (often a woman, but there are some exceptional men) is actually behind what may seem miraculous or magical.

For example, Ella and and I were the ones who emptied the bins in our flat.  In addition to emptying the bin, we wiped the bin, the walls and the floor surrounding the bin.  The male residents of our flat seemed to go to further extremes each week in their  carelessness.  Coffee granules, tea-splashes, sauce stains and unidentifiable substances were smeared all over the walls, floor and the bin itself.

Now the boys…well, they never thanked us, they never thought to help by emptying the bin themselves.  If Ella and I were away, we would come back and discover the bin was literally over-flowing.  Ella tried to “enlighten” the boys…but they obviously were convinced that they had been specially chosen by “the magic bin-fairy”, whereas Ella and I had not been favoured by her.

It was not just emptying bins.  They seemed to believe in the magic dish-washing fairy, the magic toilet roll stocker-upper fairy, the magic fridge shelf wiping and mouldy food disposing fairy, the magic picking clothes up off the floor fairy…the list goes on and on!

I have laughed about it with Goldfinch.  He has two new house-mates at the moment who are clearly not particularly domesticated.

He showed me this video, of an Australian comedian who highlights this belief I have been referring to – there is a swear word at one point.  I like my site to be suitable for all ages, but this video…if you are under I don’t know which age, but just to mention it contains one swear word, just in case you are like me and feel shocked when you hear bad language.

Anyway, this brilliant video does a great job of highlighting the situation I have been referring to. If you believe in magic coffee-tables, magic laundry baskets, magic bin emptying fairies or any other household miracles or domestic magical occurrences – please feel free to ask questions and I will try to “enlighten” you.

 

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/10/15/your-daily-word-prompt-brilliant-october-15-2018/

Caramel Is Decorating!

You may remember that one of the surprise outcomes of me starting this blog two years and ten months ago is that I have ended up writing and publishing a bunch of books! Never expected that when I started blogging! Hardly know what came over me!

The amazing thing is, I managed to do most of the writing and editing before the Pandemic began, which was good because work has been bonkers with this virus. Work has been incredibly taxing and for every right reason, I have had to cut back on the amount of time I spent blogging and writing. But it has always been a hobby I have enjoyed whenever I had the opportunity.

Too often I don’t get a break at work, we are often just too busy. But when I am able to sit down for ten/minutes (or on the rare occasion half an hour) I have pulled out a paperback copy of one of my books and a red pen and circled corrections I needed to make. Slowly slowly I have continued to make corrections and update my manuscript. At last that process is complete! I now feel my books will not embarrass me with really silly mistakes. So I am trying to find a way to add pictures of my books with Amazon links to them to my site.

However, I have realized….I cannot do that with my current WordPress theme. So….I am dreading this….but I am going to start messing around with finding the right theme to allow me to do what I want. That is going to be a complete nightmare! I know it. I should have done it before now. But I could not face it.

There was a stage when I was on top of all the widgets and menus on my site – but I gave up about a year ago when things started getting too busy. But I know that changing my theme is going to be a momentous task – momentous! I am going to be searching for a theme that allows me to stay that blue colour I like so much and that allows me to to have a few simple widgets. I don’t want lots of them. I just want some kind of easy navigation widget (is there one?) and to be able to feature my books.

Playing about with the theme is something I am frankly terrified about. I do believe my site will be a mess for a while. But now is the time it would seem. So…while I play around until I find what I want….I do sincerely apologise for any confusion I cause. Caramel is decorating her site – yikes! This could be one of the craziest disasters ever seen on WordPress – are you ready for this?

The Key To Being A Karaoke King Or Queen

Another post from the Caramel Archives – we are still in National Lockdown and I did not go to a karaoke club last night.

***

I went out tonight with friends…I think I may have told you about the planned karaoke night the girlies had organized to cheer me up:

Imagine their reaction when I told them everything is fine between Goldfinch and I!

The Jolly Flatboatmen, George Caleb Bingham, 1846. National Gallery of Art.

With the elation and relief on realizing Goldfinch was abroad and had not seen any of my messages…was I going to cancel the karaoke night?  Not on your nelly!!!

Now…I have to admit I was struggling to think of a story when I saw this picture prompt from The Haunted Wordsmith, but after making a show of myself just like the chappy in this picture, I thought I would share with you the secret of success of being a singer on stage, the key to being a karaoke king or queen:

HAVE NO SHAME!

or

DO NOT BE EASILY EMBARRASSED

I used to work for a record company…and I know, it is not necessarily the idyllically harmonious and melodic tones that are going to win the karaoke contest…it is the performer – the person who puts their heart and soul into their performance.  They jump up on the table and belt it out, completely unapologetic for their off-key notes!  These are the real entertainers, the raw, imperfect but full of charisma performers that an audience absolutely adores!

As Cameron Diaz demonstrated only too well, when love for her beau moves her to abandon all fear and give it her all in what turns out to be a terrible yet triumphant turn on the karaoke microphone!

Just like Cameron Diaz…I do believe I heard the crowds tonight shouting “MORE, MORE, MORE!!!”

I only came home early, because I have so much to do tomorrow!  But believe me…I gave London something to remember tonight!

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/09/13/worth-a-thousand-words-32/

In The Moment We’re Ten Feet Tall

Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: LONG/SHORT/SMALL/TALL

Clouds, Night, Ballerina, Moon, Sky

Please forgive me, but I am going to pick a song that I am sure I have chosen before for other SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY themes. There are some songs that are so meaningful to you that they become part of your very fabric. This song hits me deep – in a good way It is my Goldfinch song. Read the lyrics and you will understand why this song registers with the way I feel about the gorgeous man who is 10,100 miles away from me.

Aaaaw, Jack just put his arm round me and kissed the side of my head. I don’t like to hurt him. He knows how I felt about Goldfinch. I am thrilled to be with Jack, but I will always hold Goldfinch dear. This song – one I think I will always treasure is “Wings” from the sensational Birdy. For me, it is a momentous song!

Sunlight comes creeping in
Illuminates our skin
We watch the day go by
Stories of all we did
It made me think of you
It made me think of you

Under a trillion stars
We danced on top of cars
Took pictures of the stage
So far from where we are
They made me think of you
They made me think of you

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
And I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Oh damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

I’m in a foreign state
My thoughts they slip away
My words are leaving me
They caught an aeroplane
Because I thought of you
Just from the thought of you

Oh lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
And I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Oh damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

If these wings could fly

Lights go down
In the moment we’re lost and found
And I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Oh damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

Written By: Jasmine Lucilla Elisabeth Van Den Bogaerde and Ryan B Tedder

I Love Eddie Jones

Do you know who Eddie Jones is? Well – he is my new hero!

Toilets, Public, Lost Places, Loo

I am only vaguely aware of his career in rugby – I think he is head coach or manager or something important for England’s rugby team But that is not why he is my new hero.

The reason I am loving him at the moment is that he took what has been a grievous issue to me for years and made it seem so small with his analogy.

He basically compared social medial abuse online (which robbed me of joy for years) is the modern day equivalent of the writing on toilet walls. He added that the people who used to write on toilet walls are now writing on social media. Why or why would we pay attention to their opinion? I think he was effectively saying: DON’T TAKE ANY NOTICE OF IT!!!

I still think it was only because somewhere someone or maybe several people were jealous because their celebrity crush was linked with a caramel blonde that they began to troll me and use terms that belong in the gutter about me. They used insidious insults about me.

I know it might sound simple – but Eddy Jones just helped me put into perspective the barrage of online bullying, trolling, abuse – whatever you want to call it….and although I don’t really have much interest in rugby – I am so grateful to him for an insightful metaphor.

I Am Not Embarrassed To Admit I Owned A Baby-Doll

baby doll (2)I suppose I am rather embarrassed to admit that I had not been able to bring myself to let go of her at the age of twenty-four!

Worse still is the story of what happened when my future brother-in-law and one of his best friends found my baby doll (they were nineteen) and what they did to it.

It is totally normal for a little girl to be given a baby-doll by her parents.  Mine came as a hand-me-down from one of my Dad’s customers.  I named her Tanya.  She had a reversible dress that made her either poor little Cinders, or like a princess as the stunning Cinderella.

Like any other little girl, I loved my baby-doll Tanya and she was my companion on lots of days out with my family and friends when I was growing up.  I used to wash and style her hair and  her clothes and iron her little dress.  I was proud of punch of feeling like a mum to my own little baby.

I was also very much the tom-boy. climbing trees, playing football, riding my bike…climbing all over the scaffolding on abandoned construction sites, coming home covered with mud and scratches.  Yet…I still loved my baby-doll Tanya.  I am not ashamed of that!

Have you seen the movie “Toy Story 2“?  It really tapped into my sentiments of not wanting to let go of my childhood toys.  I just did not have it in me to part with Tanya as I grew older.  Once I started high school Tanya became just an ornament, high up on the top shelf.  But I could see her from my bed.  She stayed up there for years, in a way neglected, but at least she was there and I had not discarded her.

Now Mum, Milly, Mandy and I were away one weekend – I think we had gone to Belgium for the weekend.  Dad invited my brother-in-law who had been courting my sister for about six months to stay over for the weekend so he could get to know him better.  He brought a great friend of his whom he had grown up with.

The two boys stayed in the bedroom that Milly and I shared.  And those cheeky boys – do you know what they did?!!!  They rooted through our belongings!  They found my baby-doll Tanya.

And do you know what those two boys did when the found Tanya???  I mean can you imagine two nineteen year old boys with my baby-doll?  I can’t talk about it!

When I came home with Milly and we found Tanya…I was half in hysterics laughing and half shocked they could be so cruel!  We told everyone what they did…the rascals!

Girl, Baby, Doll, Baby Girl, Child, KidPoor Tanya…I should have hidden her when I knew they were going to be staying in our room.  I guess that will teach me for still having a baby-doll at the age of twenty-four! The only way I can explain it – when you are a little girl and your mum gives you a doll – you treasure it and care for it like it’s your little baby. It never occurred to me that I should part with her!

Now my brother-in-law has a gorgeous daughter of his own, and as is totally normal, he has given her a little baby doll which she adores…I hope he feels ashamed at what he and his friend did to my Tanya!

 

A Romantic Weekend Break

I was scrolling through the posts from other bloggers displayed in my WordPress Reader today and I came across the writing prompt from Paula Light, creator of Light Motifs II. I have had a busy few months and I don’t think I have actually participated in a THURSDAY INSPIRATION prompt before.

https://lightmotifs.wordpress.com/2019/08/08/thursday-inspiration-16/

Fair
Photo found on Pixabay

But this great photo gave me lots of ideas. So I have tried to stick with just one. But I will be honest with you…my baaaaaaad poetry style took over and I have ruined my idea. There was potential there, but I feel disappointed with the results. Oh well…never give up hey! Keep on trying to develop your writing. Here is my attempt to write a clever poem in response to Paula’s fantastic writing prompt:

Seeing the caravan I could have cried

Bob must have thought my face quite a sight

When I realized the bed was four foot wide

But that was nowt compared to my fright

As the caravan swayed from side to side

The fierce wind blowing throughout the night

Worrying we’d be swept out with the tide

I curled up and held onto Bob tight

“Isn’t this romantic?” said Bob

Morning came and the cliff-top was still there

Excited by his plans for the day

Bob led the way off to Scarborough fair

The sky overhead gloomy and grey

A stick with candy floss for two to share

Ferris wheel first, up and away

Bob gave me a squeeze and played with my hair

I tried my best to be droll and gay

“Isn’t this romantic?” said Bob

Into my ear Bob started to sing

“Your kisses are sweeter than white wine.”

Bob knelt on one knee and out came a ring

“We don’t need perfect skies or sunshine

Together we can face what life may bring

Because I am yours and you are mine”

“Sorry Bob, to me you’ve been just a fling

But this weekend you have crossed the line

This is not remotely romantic”, said I

It was clear to see I’d broken Bob’s heart

He asked me why? I exclaimed “Oh Gosh!”

He told me he hoped that we would never part

His romantic drivel seemed such tosh

“The caravan and the fair for a start

Quite an ordeal for someone so posh

I like the classics, music and art

You simply don’t earn nearly enough dosh

You are not remotely romantic”, said I

When Your Whole World Is Turned Upside Down

JUST A LITTLE REMINDER – I AM STILL RE-PUBLISHING POSTS FROM 2018 BECAUSE WORK IS INTENSELY BUSY. I CAN TELL BY SOME OF THE LOVELY COMMENTS I HAVE HAD THAT I AM CONFUSING SOME OF YOU!

This exquisite picture (the picture prompt for today from The Haunted Wordsmith) instantly gave me an idea for a post. But I am going to be straight with you. I have just returned from doing some work on an assignment I have had these past few months. It is one o’clock in the morning over here in London and all I should be thinking of is having a shower and climbing into bed.

I will give myself fifteen minutes and then close my lap-top!

world upsdie down

If you have read even just a handful of my posts I am sure you know that I am happy, safe and busy. But of course for those of you who have been glancing over my posts for a while now, you are aware that almost three and a half years ago…one night I went to a London park and essentially my whole world was turned upside down.

AmbulanceI am not going to dwell on what happened that hot dry night….or the two years of hostility from my ex-flatmate that led to me forgetting my personal safety and putting myself in danger’s way. But the thing is that night, my life drastically changed. The security guard who found me called an ambulance to take me away from that nightmarish night…but somewhere in between the park and the hospital…my whole world turned upside down.

At first all that mattered was recovering from the physical injuries I had received. Then came the emotional ups and downs of what was done to me that night…which took a few months for me to get to grips with, and then the dismay that my ex-flatmate was stony silent after all that had happened and still had not attempted to apologize. It magnified all the hurt of the last two years.

For almost a year I was away from London staying with family members. They were a huge support to me and I am so glad I had their help at such a turbulent time for me. But I was determined to come back to London. I came back and the first six months were full of challenges. I should share more of what happened during my first six months back in London – they were immensely overwhelming and studded with horrid events and horrible people. Then I came here to the little nest. It’s been a relief. It is almost two years that I have been here for and it has helped me to settle and feel I could spread my wings again.

My difficulty is…my world is still upside down. I have just become very proficient at living upside down. I feel as if I am walking on my hands instead of my feet, and although I am doing a great job of that, it’s odd.

I am so determined to get back to the other side of London to my career and home and my world.

That world is precious to me…it is only the ordeal with my ex-flatmate that does taint some of my treasure chest of memories and experiences.

Without a purpose my world will always be upside down. I need my purposeful, active, richly rewarding life back. Until then…I am doing a fantastic job of walking on my hands in my upside down world…but it is not where I belong. However…don’t be sad for me…I am happy, safe and busy. I just have to be patient.

There are other people who have had their world turned upside down in a far more frightening way or grievous way than the way my world went belly up. I am sure they know what I am talking about when I am describing a sudden drastic event that changes everything, turns your world upside down and requires you to learn to become adept at walking on your hands.

Fifteen minutes flew by…in fact it is more like twenty minutes! Shower! Bed! Goodnight!

The Effect Of Her Being On Those Around Her Was Incalculably Diffusive

fairy-tale-1653150_1920

I wonder if you know who is the fictional character I would like to meet?  Do you know which character had this said of her?  Which book she was from?

Her finely touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

The answer is of course Dorothea Brooke from “Middlemarch“.  There are many characters I adore in the novels I have read, but one of my personal favourites is Dorothea, as she made a deeper impression on me than most. Not just an entertaining or interesting character, she struck a chord with me and still does twenty years after I first became acquainted with her on the pages of “Middlemarch“.

babI love the comparison of her nature and it’s effect on others to the multitude of channels the mighty Euphrates river was broken into. I can’t help but think too of the quiet yet immense effect of Cyrus diverting the course of water that surrounded mighty Babylon, before his army waded across and conquered the city, thus causing a world empire to crumble overnight.  I also love the statement that the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistorical acts…the noble and unselfish acts of good and mercy and kindness that are mostly unsung and are often forgotten by others.  Yet we have so much to thank those quiet and unselfish souls who have a delicate yet profound influence on others.

If you have never read “Middlemarch” and are planning to at some point, beware my post contains a few spoilers!

I was torn between Dorothea and Anne Elliot from “Persuasion“, but I have already published a post about Anne recently and have another one in my drafts folder. But I have admiration, empathy, and affection for both of these characters, so today I am going with Dorothea!

I read a few character studies on line about Dorothea while I was thinking about this post. More than anything I was surprised that not all have the same esteem for her as I. There were some who seemed to think that to be exalted to “superhero” status, she should have been more of an independent female and that her happiness should not have been tied up with the love of a man who would become her second husband.. Not all approve of her decisions especially later on in the book.

But in today’s age where feminism – and I don’t think I fully comprehend feminism in all honesty, it is all rather foggy to me.  I should be happy with Dutch treats, standing up on the bus or tube while young men lollop and rest their sneaker-clad feet on the spare seats, and being paid the same as a man I am working twice as hard as???

I don’t really understand the definition of feminism.  I do understand “no means no!” But as far as I have seen, equal is not always fair.  When I was at school, all I cared about was the boys letting me play football because I was a decent player and I loved running around – that was all that mattered to me!

I like being a woman.  I have always loved wearing beautiful dresses.  I have equally always loved climbing trees, playing football and working on construction sites.  Most of the work I have done has been for charity and I have not received a penny in return.

Perhaps Dorothea’s decisions don’t sit right with the modern world, but I can relate to her a lot!  I think especially her character.  I think there are descriptions in the novel where others ponder Dorothea’s features and manners – some are fascinated by her.  Is she a taciturn, demure character?  I love her mind.  She may make mistakes in her judgment, but she has a noble mind.  She cares, she wants to make a difference.  She becomes trapped in a loveless marriage to a man she believed in and was inspired by.  Her endurance and calm under even the worst provocation make me think her made of something stronger than diamonds.

I love her decisions later in the book. Well, of course I would never encourage a husband of mine to run for political office. But I mean her decisions regarding love and being a loyal support to the man she truly loves.  I love the sacrifices she makes to spend her life with the man she has come to love and admire after her awful first marriage.

Here is another description of Dorothea I adored:

Dorothea herself had no dreams of being praised above other women, feeling that there was always something better which she might have done, if she had only been better and known better.

I think that is one of the things I love about both Dorothea Brooke and Anne Elliot.  I can never imagine either of them wanting to be the centre of attention, being showy, gaudy, wearing the most opulent gowns or decorations. I can only imagine them being a delight, an absolute pleasure to have afternoon tea with.  Beautiful gentle manners, noble minds, interesting and lively conversationalists, none trying to take the spotlight, but earnest about how to contribute to the occasion and to the enjoyment of others.  These two women are both incredibly endearing to me.

I love those words in the passage I quoted at the start of this post, with regards to Dorothea, that…

“…the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive.”

She touched all around her, often in a quiet gentle way.  Others were influenced by Dorothea in the same way I was.  The qualities she displayed were so precious, they make her value tremendous. She was a tower of inner strength best expressed by remarkable endurance and stamina.  She was crushed, yet she persevered. She regained hope and joy, and allowed herself to love and be loved again.  She wanted to make a difference to those in need and she seized any opportunity she had to do so.

Dorothea Brooke, even though you are just a fictional character, it would be an absolute delight to have you round for afternoon tea!  I would invite Anne Elliot too, I think you would get along with her rather well.

___________________

This was my response to one of the writing prompts in the August Write-Away Challenge hosted by Sarah Elizabeth Moore.  Even though I am very very late, I just did not want to abandon this post as I found the question so interesting.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/24/taciturn/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/09/24/your-daily-word-prompt-opulent-september-24th-2018/

FOWC with Fandango — Personal