Jack is up in the air right now. Sigh. I will see him in three weeks time. Sigh.
I was ironing just before bedtime to other night. I wanted to finish my ironing so much. I flicked on the television for some company because I felt a little lonely without Jack. I caught the last half an hour of the film Castaway. Oh the tears!
I think I saw this in the cinema when it was released. I am not certain, but I think I did. Because I remember being in the cinema and crying uncontrollably, a huge lump of sadness in my throat at one particular scene. It really really moved me at the time – which I think was all the way back in the year 2000. (How on earth is that possible hey?)
Years later, I watched the film during the time that Jack and I were estranged. This time round, the agony I felt when I watched that scene when Kelly runs after Chuck and declares “Everyone kept on saying that I had to let you go. I love you. You’re the love of my life!”
That time of my life was simply awful – awful! Nobody else could see what was painfully obvious to me – Jack was the love of my life. I could not let go. It was not possible for me to let go. I am glad I met Goldfinch – so so so glad – he was so good for me – so so so good – and I could have loved Goldfinch to the moon and back, I think I did in fact. But I remember spending some of my time with Goldfinch telling him about Jack. I could not let go of Jack. I could not let go. Not with that aching rift that would never heal.
I am so glad that Jack found me. I am so glad that he took the initiative to make peace. I am so glad that I am going to marry the love of my life. I am so sad I will not see him for three weeks.