Clearing My Thoughts

It is autumn here in London. That means yellow, purple, brown, crimson and orange leaves come tumbling down around the property I dwell in. Right now, those leaves are still soft and supple, not at all crispy. We have had plenty of rain to prevent the fallen leaves from drying out.

Twice a week, I sweep those leaves. It takes about an hour in total to clear all the leaves. But recently it has become rather therapeutic.

Photo by Kasuma on

You see…just like those leaves, my thoughts have needed clearing. I am almost in disbelief that I am leaving my job. Half of me is asking why I am leaving, the other half knows exactly why and is thrilled. During the course of this job, I have felt more like a bird in a cage than I have ever known. Being chanined to a desk in an office is not that much different to being a chicken in a battery farm. So now I am escaping.

However, like a bird who has been trapped in a cage, I am timid about my flight. These wings are desperate to beat a hasty departure. Yet I am confused about the direction and the inclement, turbulent climate. Some days I feel a little panicky about it all.

One thing I know….I will win back around ten hours a week (five hundred hours a year) because rather than commuting across London, I will instead just walk eight minutes to work. That is a huge gain. Plus, working for the NHS, I won’t end up doing overtime that is not recognized or appreciated.

I think that in my new job, I will be able to breathe. I don’t feel as if I can breathe in the job I have been in. It is a crushing, draining, demoralizing, joyless existence. It is wonderful to be escaping. It really is. But I am a little disorientated and daunted by a change that I need to acclimatize to.

Jack fills me with confidence that on this occasion – all my ducks are in a row and I am absolutely doing the right, best, and wisest thing. I like hearing his verdict on the tangled thoughts inside my head.


16 thoughts on “Clearing My Thoughts”

  1. It’s normal to feel nervous when big changes come along. Things have a way of working themselves out as you go along. I find that walking, especially in nature, is good for the spirit. Leaf sweeping sounds good too! All the best. 🙂 Amanda

    Liked by 1 person

  2. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you’ve made a really good decision. Change is always hard and often anxiety provoking, I’m glad you have a supportive partner who is helping you to see what a positive move you’ve made. Wishing you well in your new job xx


    1. I really like that view. Yes, there has not been much sense of being “alive” while I am staring at a computer screen. I do like the idea of all the time I will win back, and the chance to engage with real people and not just emails.

      Liked by 1 person

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