The Passage Of Time And Trauma

In my thoughts this past few days has been the events of seven years ago. I don’t want those memories in my thoughts – but they persist. Yet I have felt mostly safe this year – with family and long-time friends.

The first night I was here, some of my family ended up having a weird conversation – not about me – in which I overheard them using words that are particularly hard for me to hear right now. I heard words like “rape” and “battered” and “police” and “attacker”…and I froze.

I could not move, I could not ask who they were talking about, why they were having this conversation. I just froze. It passed. It was just a conversation they were having about someone else, perhaps something they saw in the news, and they were just forgetting I was standing there, and that the date of my attack was hovering and bringing everything back to my mind.

But on the whole, I think it has been easier this year. Partly because of my job change I think. When I was dealing with scores of patients and weary with traumatic memories gripping me like a vice – it was hard going. But this sitting and staring at a screen malarkey – it takes zero emotional effort.

The passage of time does help to a degree when it comes to trauma – it is always going to be there – but it won’t always be quite as awful. This year it is not quite as awful. I am just sleepy tired more than anything. But not quite so on edge as normal. That has to be a good sign.

All Quiched Out

I am feeling a little ill – and I am blaming it on an excessive amount of quiche. It is one of those ideal summer picnic foodie items that makes an appearance when there is a large gathering. It is often the only vegetarian option on the table.

But you really can have too much of a good thing. Right now I am feeling as if I never want to see quiche ever again in my life.

Photo by Rozemarijn van Kampen on

Just A Walk In The Park

I was up in North London with Jack a few weeks ago and at the end of a long day, we went over to the home of some friends for supper. They live ever so close to the location I was attacked a whole seven years ago.

We ended up going for a walk…and although we did not pass the exact place, I still felt pins and needles all over my skin, a deeply unpleasant disturbance within that made me want to escape that park.

I was so glad to be with Jack that night.

Photo by Brett Jordan on

The Weary Traveller

I don’t know if this is a result of the Pandemic, but I am not enjoying travel anywhere near as much as I used to. I have only been away from my littles nest for two days and I miss it already.

I love my relatives of course, but there is nothing like having your own little space…and perhaps the whole STAY AT HOME saga made me more attached to my sweet abode.

Photo by Daniela Constantini on

Maybe I am just still very tired after the overnight journey on Friday, and all I really want to do is sleep…and recover…and rest.

Right In The Moment This Order’s Tall

Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: HIDDEN GEMS (SONGS THAT MISSED THE TOP OF THE CHARTS

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

 This is a theme I find very interesting. I thought of a number of tracks I love, and yet I know they failed miserably in the charts – which can never really be a totally accurate measure of a great song. The sausage roll songs winning the Number One spot for the past three years is proof of that (I love that couple by the way, I am just trying to explain why charts success does not accurately capture the quality of a song).

The song I have chosen is very popular, but I believe from what I have read that when Bon Iver first released the track “Skinny Love” it did not do so great in the charts. Yet my how this song is loved – and when Birdy recorded it later, her version did much much better in the charts (I cannot resist tagging Birdy’s version to the bottom of this post).

I like both versions, but credit goes to Justin Vernon of course for writing the song. This is “Skinny Love”.

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order's tall

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And in the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in light brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?

Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?
Ooh, ooh

Written by: Justin Deyarmond Edison Vernon

Blogging Interactions

How do you address those who read the posts you publish on your blog? Some of them may know you in real life, others may be complete strangers. Some of them perhaps randomly stumble across your blog and never return, others stick with you as you stick with them and friendly feelings grow as you share your thoughts/feelings, your creativity and all sorts of other interesting things.

I don’t think I start any of my posts with an adress of any kind. I just start writing, I have seen others start a post with expressions like “Good Morning Friends”…or “Dear Fellow Bloggers”…or “Hello World”. None of these bother me, and in a way they are quite sweet. But the other day, I was tired, and hot and sweaty, and a little grumpy because Jack had left for his flight….and I read a post from a blogger I was following who had started their post with the following:

“Hello Fans”

Photo by Vinu00edcius Caricatte on

…and it really irritated me. Perhaps that is because I have such a massive dislike of “celebrity culture”. Anyway…in my opinion, that is no way to start a blog post.

One More Sleep To Go!

I have to head off to work now…and then after today,, I have just one more sleep in my bed before another day at work and what may turn out to be a rather epic trek across the UK.

I have been trying to finish my packing…I am such a rubbish packer! And it is now sinking in that I am going to escape for a while and have chance to see so many people I love.

I hope that today goes quickly!

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on

Nobody’s Doing The Loco Motion

I was looking for a Pexels image of a train…and I found this one – and although this is not at all a true portrayal of the typical commuter’s journey to the office – I just thought it was a gorgeous picture.

Why am I talking about trains? If you live in the UK, you probably know why. But I am not really talking about trains…more about what this week means for all those who really find it frustrating that senior managers want their staff back in the office. A wonderful excuse to work from home – whoop whoop!!

Basically…it seems pretty obvious that there are many people who want to work from home (and I know that is not everyone). I want to work from home. My colleagues clearly want to work from home. A day in the office is a day of misery – that is clear. Yet senior managers want to keep their staff miserable.

Photo by SenuScape on

During a time when people are worried about the cost of living – having to lose time and money to travelling to work….when everyone now knows how easy it is to work from home….well, it is just frustrating.

There are some noggins who will say we need people to commute to help the economy – especially the micro economies that revolve around office complexes. But…well…I am one of those annoying commuters who makes their own lunch, makes their own coffee at home and is perfectly capable of looking after all of her own laundry.

Not to mention pollution – working from home – seems sensible in view of what all this travelling around is doing to the air.

Anyway…I still have to go into the office…because I can…because I do not need to catch the train – there are other routes in. But I am envious of my colleagues who have no options except the train (or a catching around seven buses which would take half the day!) and are able to work from home this week.

Just Keep Running!

Do you ever feel as if you are running and running and running – but not getting anywhere? That old hamster wheel or treadmill feeling – the old going through the motions sensation.

I find the whole system under current governments rather like that. We work and work and work, we run and run and run…and do things stay the same? It seems that actually things get worse, not better.

It’s a kind of rubbish hamster wheel/treadmill really.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

I am quite good at keeping myself motivated end enduring this yucky system. I am enduring because I see the end. I see that it will not last, and the end will come.

The ideas I am hearing in the news espoused by leading political figures make me feel sick to the heart. I obey the laws they make, I pay my taxes, but I will be very relieved when corrupt, callous and cruel figures of authority are redundant. When haughty, horrible and horrid attitudes are buried.

This running….this constant running….I do see why it is important…

 “If you get tired running with footmen,How can you run a race against horses?”

Jer 12:5

The race to the finish line is in progress…endurance is vital!!!