I cannot find any other post with this title on my WordPress site….which surprises me. It is a little phrase which has often run through my mind.
Isn’t it amazing….I mean, I still sometimes feel a shaky about what has happened between Jack and I.
When I started blogging back at the end of April 2018….Jack and I were estranged in the strictest sense of the word. We had not spoke to each other for years. We were both so hurt and confused and shell-shocked by all that had happened. We had no idea what to say to each other.
Then….by chance….by coincidence…we were on the same road. I saw him and hid. He saw me and became resolved that he had to get in touch with me.
A few weeks after that day…we were speaking to each other on the phone – admittedly an awkward conversation – and not long afterwards, we agreed to meet for the first time so we could talk properly – face to face.
So much was said on that first meeting…and so much was not said…because it was too painful. But it was a start. We met again. We met again – and it was that third face to face meeting that changed everything. Jack told me he had very strong feelings about me, and that he always had, but he had made a mess of it and he did not know what to do to fix it.
Oddly….oddly…it did not seem to matter that there was this gigantic complicated mess around us. All those years I just could not understand why, what it was all about, how it became so weird, where I was supposed to look when he looked at me..it was just so confusing. But when he told me how he felt me – oh it all sort of made sense.
A year later….a year later….we were engaged.
It is amazing to me….amazing….and I am so deeply grateful….so deeply deeply glad that the awful pain, the awful darkness and despair of being estranged from someone you genuinely adore but who seems to despise you….the loneliness and feeling of being lost at sea when I was separated from the career and world I had given my life and all my energy to.
It is amazing, isn’t it!!! What did I do to deserve such happiness?