Look What The Tide Brought In

So now I know what I have to do. I have to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide will bring in?

Chuck Noland – CASTAWAY

I love Jack, and I feel at peace about out past. But for some reason, sometimes I feel a wave of panic as a recollection of the past overwhelms me. I think that is partly to do with the sense of belonging and purpose at the heart of our relationship. It was so obvious from very early on that we were perfect for each other. The dramatic twists and dark descents our connection endured was confusing and challenging and crushing.

The sense of loss when I had to flee from London was immense, profound. The physical injuries, the traumatic memories of being attacked – they were one thing – but what was worse was the separation, the estrangement from the man who had made such an impact on me.

Jack was in my veins. I don’t remember a day passing when he was not in my thoughts. But with those thoughts, came tears. The situation seemed so impossible. Yet I could not see beyond him. Goldfinch was a blessing. Perhaps if Goldfinch had wanted to share a life with me, eventually I would have been able to see beyond Jack. But Goldfinch’s plans did not involve me. We are still in touch. We were emailing just last night.

What I did not dare to dream about is that one day the sun would rise….and the tide would bring Jack back into my life. Those years of hope being attacked on all sides, family and friends criticising him, telling me to forget him, cut him off, people telling me to accept “destiny”….I was so relieved when their words dried up.

Jack is still ideal for me….and he tells me he has never met with anyone he has clicked with on every level like me. It is astonishing that we survived the storm. The nightmare passed.

Filey, Beach, Yorkshire, Seascape