Last night I had a disturbing dream. Before I tell you….please know that I have used two random names, to protect the identities of those I am referring to.
When I first moved to London, I worked with a woman named Nadine. Nadine was hard-working and had a sharp wit. She had her friends. I never felt she wanted me to be a close friend of hers, but she became gradually more friendly towards me as she saw me start to thrive. She was like that – she had an appreciation for other people who were working hard. I was working hard. She respected me. We were more on friendly terms that actually close friends. But that is ok – not everyone will click and want to be a close friend. I did not mind that, because Nadine was quite a gossip, and I did not like gossip.
But over time….things developed.
Her husband Liam seemed to regard me very highly. He was a nice bloke, very hard-working just like Nadine. But whereas Nadine could sometimes have a temper, be difficult, sometimes not eat enough and get tired and irritable, Liam was a very cool, calm, and very diplomatic man. He had a serenity about him.
Liam became a very good friend of Jacks. Nadine also became close to Jack. Her sharp wit appealed to Jack who has a great sense of humour.
Nadine and Liam at one stage began to tease me about Jack (long before anything ever happened between Jack and I) and especially so when Jack moved into our apartment. I confided in Nadine. I told her how confused I was, and how stressful I was finding the unkind attention I was receiving from strangers.
But over time….things developed.
At one time, Nadine had seemed one of the few people I could trust. But something changed. I saw Nadine and Liam every day. But they became cold towards me, especially Nadine. I could not understand it. Her sharp wit became cruel sarcasm. I could not understand it. I presumed they were taking sides with Jack. What else could it be?
Last night, I had a dream about Nadine and Liam. Only it was actually a memory of a time we did a TV thing together. It was sitting next to Nadine and for some reason the presenter kept on directing his questions at me. Nadine hardly said two words in that show. Afterwards she seemed annoyed…with the presenter….and with me.
I woke up with a question hanging over me – how angry was Nadine after that TV show? Was that the turning point? Was that when she became cold towards me?
Nadine and Liam had a lot of friends, a lot of connections, a lot of influence. For almost five years I saw Nadine pretty much everyday and then after I was attacked, she never contacted me.
Liam still works closely with Jack, but over the past eighteen months (most of which has of course been within the Pandemic) I have never received a word from Nadine. I have asked Jack to invite Liam and Nadine over, but they are always busy.
When I woke up from that dream last night….I was gripped with fear…..did Nadine have anything to do with those rumours that were spread about me?
These thoughts are unhelpful. But they may perhaps explain some of what happened. I don’t really need to get to the bottom of who was responsible for the slander. All I have ever wanted is peace. But it is going to play on my mind until I understand why Nadine seems to be avoiding contact with me when for almost five years we were on friendly terms every day…..and her husband is a close colleague and friend of my fiance.