Do You Remember?

Do you remember how I would kiss you on the cheek and ask you if you would like a drink?

I would return within a minute with a glass of apple and mango juice for you. I noticed you liked mango very early on. I always made sure I bought a bottle of some kind of fruit blend with mango and had it chilled waiting for you in the fridge.

Then I would head back to the kitchen and start to prepare breakfast for you. I remember the first day we had breakfast together. I remember exactly how you ordered your eggs even now over eighteen months later.

The first time I ever made your breakfast you were surprised and said I had made your favourite. Every thing you liked, everything you enjoyed, all of your preferences – I was absorbing it all. Treasuring it all within my heart.

I loved loving you. I still love loving you. What I find hard is that there are so many ways I would like to show love to you. I would love to go shopping and think about all the flavours you like. I would love to search through cookery books looking for recipes to excite you. I would love to cook your favourite dishes.  I would love to wash and iron your shirts and even your handkerchiefs.

I think what is killing me…is that the only way I have to express my love for you now, is through words. I ration out the amount of times I say “I miss you” because I don’t want you to feel bad. I always try to have something cheery and fun to share, so that you think I am fine. And I am fine really. Except for intensely missing you. Only I feel I have to keep that to myself, because I don’t want to be a burden to you.

Sigh. Thank you for all these wonderful memories that warm my heart, brighten my day, and fill my eyes with tears. I love you.