I have noticed an aspect of my personality that has changed in the past…well twenty months or so.
I am going to explain this or it will sound terrible…
…I have always been sensitive and caring. I am still sensitive to other people’s feelings. I empathise with others, feel compassion, do what I can to alleviate their suffering and there are other aspects which I consider a positive aspect of sensitivity that I never want to abandon.
However, ever since Jack and I made peace and started secretly dating (before we let our family and friends know) and also throughout the Pandemic – and believe you me I have had to deal with patients exhibiting extreme behavior many times – I am less sensitive about the way I am viewed or being treated by others.
Perhaps it is an inner security that comes from the peace of mind and heart Jack has brought me, and also the conviction that I am doing everything I am aware of to be a decent human being, living by the values my parents ingrained in me, including, kindness, generosity and empathy.
I now know this and sorry if it sounds a little dogmatic but….PEOPLE will form an opinion of you fairly quickly, and sadly that first impression is sometimes not as great as we would like. Often their view is influenced by what somebody else has to say about you.
Some people will get to know you over time and realize they perhaps misjudged you, and they will adjust their viewpoint. I love the process of getting to know someone, cultivating a friendship, clearing up misunderstandings and becoming even more fond of each other.
Yet I know that some people will just stick to their misguided assumptions. Views and opinions often don’t stay in between a person’s ears though…they tend to spill out of their mouth or end up in print on social media.
During the past eighteen months, I have seen some lousy things said about me on social media, and they were all by people I have never met. People who do not know me, formed an opinion based on their feelings about Jack having a girlfriend and decided to be cruel in the public domain.
In the past that destroyed me….it chipped away at my confidence and my joy in life. But slowly slowly, Jack has imparted some inner imperviousness to me. It is almost as if I DON’T CARE!
I will always always care about people and remain sensitive to their wellbeing, however….what I am saying is….people who say and write words designed to belittle you or make a fool out of you – I just ignore them now. If they only see me as some kind of joke for their entertainment – well – they can suit themselves, but it is almost as if to me they don’t exist.
Jack and I exist….and we have family, friends, colleagues and others who are part of our life by virtue of kindness, joyfulness, forgiveness and lots of wonderful traits. But as for strangers who want to try to destroy our happiness….
JACK AND ME – WE ARE JUST GOING TO SHAKE IT OFF!