I was going through my older posts, deciding which ones to republish and I saw this one (originally published on the 11th September 2019) and when I read it…well, all the memories came back!! Wow!!
Whenever my phone rings, I feel nervous knots. I shouldn’t feel that way, but all the time people ring me asking me for favours. Will I go earlier, stay later, do extra, lend a hand, lend some money, change my plans? For the most part I am happy to do all of the above, but sometimes it gets a bit much. I start to not want to answer my phone any more.
In fact sometimes, I let the caller start to leave a message on the answer service, so that I can hear who it is and decide whether I can cope with answering. I know it’s naughty.
I noticed this morning that someone tried to ring my landline a few times, but didn’t leave a message. They hung up as soon as the answer service message began. So the next time the phone rang, I answered it straight away.
I am still reeling after that phone call. A mix of shock and wonder and disbelief right now. And relief and joy and amazement. You might be wondering what the call was about. Well, I am going to sit on it for the moment. I will wait and see what happens as a result of today’s telephone call.
However there is a part of me that wants to rush out and start setting off fireworks! Believe me there are fireworks going off inside my heart! I don’t think you will guess who called me! I already thought about baking some profiteroles and buying a bottle of champagne – is it sad that all I could think of to celebrate something so wonderful on my own was baking and drinking champagne?
I have been kind of “buzzing” all day. I went out on a sort of jog through the woods (I was scared to trip on the uneven path so I was going fairly slowly), but I found myself skipping when I thought nobody was looking. Later tonight I am going to treat myself to a bubble bath and shave my legs. I want to be in bed already. I am feeling a mix of elation, relief and the urge to cry bucket loads of tears right now.
Miracles happen. Maybe it’s too early to call it that. But what happened today was something I had given up hope of ever happening. And I was promised that today wouldn’t be a one-off. I have been promised another phone call within the next few days. I will have to wait and see.
I remember several shows from childhood. My childhood memories seem very sharp, unlike the memories from my twenties (since my head injuries). But one show comes to mind as one of our all time favourites. My brother watched it, and my two younger sisters and I loved it.
It called The Mysterious Cities Of Gold. It was truly epic! It was about three children and a whole bunch of adults with their own self-interest at heart who are traipsing around South America in search for “The Cities Of Gold”. Adventures every day!!!
If you are curious, then there is the link at the bottom of this post so you can read what Wikipedia has to say about the show. But the best way to enjoy it, is to go back to being seven years old and be riding around on your bike and then to realize is is almost time for your favourite show. Then come running into the house and lollop onto the sofa with your siblings all ready to sing along at the top of your voices to the theme tune and twirl around with your arms outstretched like a giant condor.
I am not heartless. Of course I feel for you. Over and over. But what can I do except offer my heart-felt words? I am powerless. I truly am. There are many things I would love to do to make things better. I can’t do those things. All I can offer is sweet words and soft touches.
There are so many things I would be doing if my situation was not so precarious. I would not even be around to see you and hear about your trials. You would never hear from me. I would be far away and wrapped up in a host of other concerns.
I sometimes think you want a hug…but I don’t think that it is wise. If I let you cry on my shoulder and I put my arms around you and held you tight…maybe you would feel momentary relief. But wouldn’t that open the door to more pain and more confusion.
Let me be sweet and innocent in your eyes. Be satisfied with my words alone. Do not crave my feminine curves and warm embrace. Do not yearn for my fond caresses and honeyed kisses. Do not let your steps wander down this unrewarding path. It would not solve anything, It would be a moment of delight and a lifetime of regret. I would only be a burden. I don’t want to be that. I only ever wanted to be a bonus and a blessing.
make you melt, perfumed skin, and a warm embrace that you long to have wrapped around you – it does not mean I have what you need. I don’t have what you need my friend. I wish I did, but I do not. I would only be a temporary pleasure for you and then you would hate me because you had been so weak.
Growing up in England, I know a lot about rain. I have umbrellas a plenty – one in each bag that I use regularly. I also have a mini-umbrella hanging from my front door latch, so I can grab it on my way out if I am going somewhere without a bag (which is rare – I am almost always lugging numerous bags around with me).
However, after my first holiday in a hotter country which was dry, and had orange sand everywhere and very little green and hardly any flowers. I came back to England and suddenly saw not grey, but green everywhere. I realized that for so long I had been seeing grey, but there was abundant green all year round. It took me a while to realize how gorgeous England is because of all the rain that comes our way.
I grew in appreciation for the rain and I started to realize that the more rain there was, the more lush was the summer. The more rain, the more beautiful and colourful the flowers. I love what the rain does to our gardens, to the parks, to the countryside. It certainly does make England extra pretty and very lush at times.
There are times when I have been all dressed up and on my way to a special event when the rain has of course been inconvenient. I have had had a few disasters.
Of course when I am wearing appropriate footwear, puddles are a completely different matter!
Here in England…and in Wales for most of this week, it has been unseasonably mild. Yay!!! We have been outdoors…in the mild air. That is very helpful when there are so many of us.
I have no idea why I took two coats up north with me. I took a navy raincoat and a huge navy thick winter coat. I didn’t really need either, for it did not rain, neither was it cold! Oh well – I am not complaining. I think I preferred the mild weather whilst I have been standing around waiting for trains and traipsing through the woods with family.
The family who are scattered across Merseyside, Cheshire and Lancashire are also a lot of fun. But in a different way. It always feels like a cross between a Butlin’s entertainment evening and a fund-raising telephone night. That’s mainly due to my brother-in-law’s uncle. He is always the entertainments manager. Lots of shop-bought food and shop bought gateaux and trifle, lots of dancing and singing (usually in the form of karaoke), lots of games and pouring over old photograph albums reminiscing about how every one used to look and parties from the past.
A slightly different feel to the atmosphere, but still lots of family fun and games and laughter. In this mild weather…for some strange but adorable reason it was Calypso and Caribbean music that we ended up dancing to. All of us in a great conga procession weaving around the flower beds at midnight.
Caramel 