I don’t usually stay in paid jobs very long. Sometimes employers seem to get ideas that I want to progress within their organization and take on more responsibility – when the truth is the opposite. My career is in unpaid work for charities. Paid work – I go in and do my work and flee – switching off the moment I leave the door.

Some employers don’t seem to understand that. So as soon as I sense pressure to relinquish my low paid job, I usually look for work elsewhere. But during the Pandemic, have felt that it was right to step up and do more within the health service, so I have completed a lot of training and taken on more responsibility in a short space of time.

But now it is time for one of those incredibly awkward personal development appraisals/reviews. I hate them. They make me cringe on so many levels. Yeah, I know what I have accomplished in a short space of time, but I only did it because it seemed the right thing to do in the wake of a Pandemic. I am not interested in promotion or a better salary.

Normally – I prefer to make a difference in more satisfying ways. I get to work with people from all backgrounds, many of whom are from abusive backgrounds and I have the privilege of investing time, kindness, training in them to become skilled volunteers, who can then serve on local, national and international projects.

I have done all sorts of things for paid work – gardening, animal care, decorating, party-planning and event organising, cooking, legal work, accounts, housekeeping, editing and proof-reading, and….healthcare (for both the NHS and private healthcare providers). Healthcare is a rewarding job. I love people, and I love making a difference to people who need some care and support. Sometimes I enjoy the technical side of my work. I even take pride in the admin side of it! But the most rewarding assignment I had was when I was a volunteer in nursing care, training other volunteers to care for terminally ill patients. That was such a deeply special and sacred assignment to me.

I hate going into an appraisal and feeling like I have to fight – I still struggle to get through to some of my employers that my heart is in working on an unpaid basis for charities – and I want to work on a paid basis for just enough hours to cover my living expenses and leave me with a little I can share with others.

6 thoughts on “Appraisals”

    1. It all depends on my health. I have missed some scans on my head during the Pandemic. Before the Pandemic, they were keeping a close eye on me…then I, like millions of others in this country, was told that my scans would have to wait.

      At times I have not know what to think of that. I have kept going all year – not had a sniffle throughout the Pandemic – but I have had some thunderous headaches and a handful of faints. But I have managed to keep going despite working an extraordinary amount of hours at the height of the Pandemic here.

      If I don’t qualify for a full-time international assignment, then Jack would have to give up his full0time international status (hard for him to do now he is a director). We would of course still be involved as volunteers here in the UK, but we would not be sent overseas, and would have more living expenses. Jack now owns a house near to where his parents live, but that is far away from London where the pulse of everything we do is.

      It’s something that hangs over us like a cloud. In some ways the Pandemic has postponed everything. But I think when Jack asked me to marry him, he was telling me that whatever happens he is sticking with me – which was a heart-stopping realization for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Working in retail tends to be a little different I suppose. We get our yearly appraisals which all are positive with the exception of the one thing that they would like you to work on throughout the year. It is always something that everyone can work on. Such as not talking with other cashiers as you are ringing your customer through. Making eye contact and smiling at customers as you pass by them. Things like that. Not sure how I would do at a job that sucked my soul out of my body and returned it tattered to me.


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