Just To Be Held Close For A While


Any other time, I might have been able to contemplate the subject of “soul mates” and write about it. But you find me at a bit of disadvantage this week.

I had two dates with a really nice man within the space of a week. He ticks all the boxes. He bought me gifts. He has been kind, courteous, all the lovely manners you hope for in a man. He seems down to earth, hard-working (been in the same job for twenty years!) faithful, honest, sensible…he is a really nice man.

Yet after I said goodbye to him after our second date, I walked home in tears. It was a beautifully sunny day and the sky was blue. I looked up at planes stretching across the sky leaving white chemtrails and wished that I was on one of them. I wish I could walk to my local underground station and swipe my Oyster card and board a train that would take me to Adelaide, Australia. I wish it would take me to exactly where Goldfinch is.

I just need him to hold me close for a while, maybe just a few minutes, maybe a few hours, I don’t know, but just long enough to make it all better. And then…because I know there is a lot that he needs to be getting on with, I would board the train again and return to London until next time.

I really don’t know what to say about the subject of soul mates…

…all I know, is that I feel there is only one person who I want to hold me tight and make everything better.

Maybe another time I would have something more interesting to say on the subject of “soul mates”.

But this week, I am just grieving the loss of someone who has made me love him with my whole heart, my whole mind, my whole soul…and who is now not here. Yet…he still has my mind, heart and soul.


Do you have more to say on the subject of “soul mates” than I do? Please feel free to write a post and link it to Sarah Elizabeth Moore’s original writing prompt post:


Can’t Forget The Motor City

Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: CITY/COUNTRY/COUNTY/STAKE/TOWN

Rappers, Street Dance, Performance

I have picked a song that I found on one of my Dad’s albums and I loved dancing around the living room to. I think you will recognize “Dancing In The Street” from Martha And The Vandellas instantly as they are such an iconic sound of their decade. I have just asked Jack to check which decade on t’internet, but I am guessing sixties. Oh please don’t tell me I am wrong again Jack! He’s been pulling my leg all day – am I right or wrong? Fine – I will check myself later.

This track – as well as being BRILLIANT!!! – is a geography lesson of the United States of America. I do actually remember checking on a map where all the cities it mentions are! Except….where is Motor City? I never did work that one out! If you know where Motor City is – please do tell me!

Calling out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new beat
Summer’s here and the time is right
For dancing in the street

They’re dancing in Chicago (dancing in the street)
Down in New Orleans (dancing in the street)
In New York City (dancing in the street)

All we need is music, sweet music
There’ll be music everywhere
There’ll be swinging, swaying, and records playing
Dancing in the street

Oh, it doesn’t matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on, every guy, grab a girl
Everywhere around the world

They’ll be dancing (dancing in the street)
They’re dancing in the street (dancing in the street)

It’s an invitation across the nation
A chance for folks to meet
There’ll be laughing, singing, and music swinging
Dancing in the street

Philadelphia, P-A (dancing in the street)
Baltimore and D.C. now (dancing in the street)
Can’t forget the Motor City (dancing in the street)

All we need is music, sweet music
There’ll be music everywhere
There’ll be swinging, swaying, and records playing
Dancing in the street

Oh, it doesn’t matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on, every guy, grab a girl
Everywhere around the world

They’re dancing
They’re dancing in the street (dancing in the street)
Way down in L.A. (dancing in the street)
Every day, they’re dancing in the street (dancing in the street)
Let’s form a big, strong line (dancing in the street)
Get in time, we’re dancing in the street (dancing in the street)
Across the ocean blue (dancing in the street)
Me and you, we’re dancing in the street

Written By: Marvin P Gaye, Ivy George Hunter and William Stevenson

Dedicated To Jack

I found another post that was originally written during the period of estrangement I endured with Jack. This one was published seven months before he picked up to phone to make peace with me after a four year silence.

It is fascinating to read them now!

I really tried with Jack.

I still don’t understand what went wrong. I knew there was a something. But it was such a miserable time for me.

But I know there was a something. I know there are a lot of people thinking about the person they love at the moment.

Three men have had a major influence on my life:

  • My teenage sweetheart – James but everyone called him Jammy (I still need to write a post about him).
  • My soul mate and flat mate – Jack, the man who knocked me off my feet quite literally – perhaps the love of my life – the one who I am perfect for, but who broke me to pieces.
  • My salvation – the man who rescued me in every way that it is possible to be rescued – Goldfinch.

Well…I am going to be writing plenty about Goldfinch…so this post is dedicated to Jack.

The Scary Supervisor

Another TELL THE STORY Challenge and this time I have been tagged by the lovely Sadje, the creator of Keep it alive as you can see from her post below:


Here is my story (based on the photo directly under the title):

The Scary Supervisor

There was once a colleague of mine who was quite brilliant at her work. She had a fantastic understanding of her job and how the whole company worked. She always knew who to speak to and where to look to find answers. She was highly intelligent and was able to demolish stacks of work in her in-tray due to her untiring work ethic. There was no faulting her actual work.

However…(when you read that word “however”, you must realize that there is going to be trouble ahead)…she was made a supervisor. She may have seemed to be suitable for the role, after all, her work was excellent. But you never know with people. They may be very good at their work, but they might turn out to be completely ineffective in their role of supervising a team.

Her first task was to conduct interviews for the two administrators that would initially make up her team. One candidate she chose based on her being a relative of her best friend. The other candidate she chose based on his smart appearance and the impressive way he communicated at the interview, and his previous work experience and glowing references.

(As soon as I saw him, I recognised him – I gate-crashed his wedding, but that is a completely different story – he did not know me.)

So, on his first day, the supervisor trained him in how to perform the job. She seemed to be pleased with him. As time went on, issues arose. Some were due to his being new in that role. Every now and then he would have a question to ask because he was unsure about an aspect of the work, or he had forgotten something she had mentioned on that first day. She became impatient and irritable. Why should she have to repeat herself – what was the matter with him? She viewed him as an annoyance because his questions and requests for clarification slowed her down from getting on with her own work.

Then there was the computer software that was used. The system kept on crashing. That meant that until the IT department could resolve the software issues and get the system back up and running, he could not perform the tasks she had hired him to carry out. The way she treated him every time the system crashed seemed to manifest a suspicion that he had caused the computer software to malfunction. Rather than providing other work, she told him to keep ringing IT to demand they sort out the software urgently. Oh the IT department loved that! He must have been in nervous knots everytime the software crashed, when he knew the reaction he would receive from her.

She became more and more hot-tempered with the new administrator. He began to look unhappy. Although I sat on the other side of the open offices and worked within a different department, I observed what was happening, I could hear the conversations between them. I also heard her grumbling about him when he was away from his desk. She was watching his every mistake and I could see her hatching a plan to get rid of him. Just like that cat up at the top watching the goldfish. She was scary! She was incredibly intimidating and icy when she spoke to him. She did not see why she should be patient and make sure he was confidant in his role. She was essentially a very poor supervisor.

I often floated past and chatted to him. I confessed that I had been at his wedding. He wondered how that had happened. One of my friends was a close friend of his wife. On the day of the wedding, my friend’s husband was ill, so she asked me to go along to the wedding in his place. So I did. After that I regularly stopped by for a chat and also chatted with his supervisor telling her how nice the wedding was and what a lovely family he came from. She respected me. She knew I was very good at my job, and she also knew that I had played on the hockey team at school, and that whenever we had played the hockey team of which she was a member from the school that she attended – we always won!

But she wore that man down. One Friday evening around five o’clock I saw him in tears at his desk. I knew why. The system had crashed for several hours earlier that day, so she insisted he would have to stay late to catch up with the work. I had heard him ring his wife to explain he was not going to be home on time. I approached him on my way past. I was aware that the manager of the department who was the superior to the scary supervisor was nearby. She noticed me strike up a conversation with the administrator.

Very quickly I came to the point and I did so in a tone loud enough for the manager to hear:

She is going to make your life miserable. It is not worth it. I honestly think that for your own mental health you should get away as soon as you can. She does not deserve you. She is great at her own work and has respect from many in this company, but in her new role as supervisor it is very clear that she is not great with people. It’s your decision, but if I were you, I would find another job.”

He thanked me. I don’t normally get involved in anything remotely like “office politics”, but I felt that this guy was being pushed towards a break-down by his scary supervisor, so I intervened. I could see the huge sense of relief that came from over him and a weight lift from his shoulders. I went back to my desk to get my coat and bag to head home. I was extremely gratified to overhear the manager approach him and tell him that she did not want him to stay late on a Friday evening doing overtime. He should be with his wife at home. The manager said she would explain to his supervisor that she had told him to go home.

On the following Monday he handed in his resignation letter. He told me later that over the weekend his former manager, at the company he had worked at previously, had called him to ask him to come back to the company but on a much higher salary. He had jumped at the chance. I was so pleased for him. He was soon gone and I hope he never looked back.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is kghfaefr.pngThe scary supervisor repeated her mistakes over and over. Her work was excellent. Her poor people skills, her impatience with new staff and her demanding, overbearing, intimidating manner of communicating meant that she was one of the names that were put forward to meet the quota for redundancies. She was soon gone…and I hope for her own sake, she learnt to be a bit more empathetic when she was a new member of staff at the company she went to work for, and had to be trained by her new supervisor.


I am not one of those people who chases after celebrities and makes a fool of themselves….but yesterday, Darcy Bussell crossed my path. Funny enough, it is not the first time. About two years ago she was on the same bus as I was.

I have a friend who was a professional ballerina and a member of the Royal Ballet. I have a lot of respect for ballerinas on account of my friend. She used to tell about her vigorous and demanding schedule and how it called for the utmost dedication to stick at that.

That is why whenever I see Darcy Bussell, I feel a sense of respect towards her on account of making ballet her career. It must have been incredibly tough, but she made a name for herself.

Ballerina, Lake, Sunset, Ballet, Dance


I don’t usually stay in paid jobs very long. Sometimes employers seem to get ideas that I want to progress within their organization and take on more responsibility – when the truth is the opposite. My career is in unpaid work for charities. Paid work – I go in and do my work and flee – switching off the moment I leave the door.

Some employers don’t seem to understand that. So as soon as I sense pressure to relinquish my low paid job, I usually look for work elsewhere. But during the Pandemic, have felt that it was right to step up and do more within the health service, so I have completed a lot of training and taken on more responsibility in a short space of time.

But now it is time for one of those incredibly awkward personal development appraisals/reviews. I hate them. They make me cringe on so many levels. Yeah, I know what I have accomplished in a short space of time, but I only did it because it seemed the right thing to do in the wake of a Pandemic. I am not interested in promotion or a better salary.

Normally – I prefer to make a difference in more satisfying ways. I get to work with people from all backgrounds, many of whom are from abusive backgrounds and I have the privilege of investing time, kindness, training in them to become skilled volunteers, who can then serve on local, national and international projects.

I have done all sorts of things for paid work – gardening, animal care, decorating, party-planning and event organising, cooking, legal work, accounts, housekeeping, editing and proof-reading, and….healthcare (for both the NHS and private healthcare providers). Healthcare is a rewarding job. I love people, and I love making a difference to people who need some care and support. Sometimes I enjoy the technical side of my work. I even take pride in the admin side of it! But the most rewarding assignment I had was when I was a volunteer in nursing care, training other volunteers to care for terminally ill patients. That was such a deeply special and sacred assignment to me.

I hate going into an appraisal and feeling like I have to fight – I still struggle to get through to some of my employers that my heart is in working on an unpaid basis for charities – and I want to work on a paid basis for just enough hours to cover my living expenses and leave me with a little I can share with others.

The Gradual Lifting Of Restrictions

I have not really let myself dwell on all the things we have missed out on during the Pandemic. Some of those things – for example eating at a restaurant – well I know from my travels that there are countless millions upon millions of people who have never had the chance to go to a restaurant and be waited on. So it seems wrong, totally wrong, to bemoan not having luxuries that others find hard to imagine.

I have missed hugs. I have missed being in the same room as my family and friends. I have missed many of the projects and training sessions where I was able to see volunteers I have worked with many times for years. But restaurants, theatre, cinema, commercial flights – I have not missed those things.

But now that some of the restrictions we have had here in the UK are gradually lifting, I am enjoying some of those experiences. I have enjoyed being in the gardens of friends having a drink and a laugh with them. I enjoyed Jack taking me out for lunch. We have no plans for the cinema yet – not much in the movie world looks remotely interesting currently.

I am looking forward to seeing my family at last – which hopefully I will in July (so long as “the numbers” stay low!) and being able to hug them!!

Oh What To Read?

I found myself with an evening alone (because Jack had to make an appearance at a special charity event – socially distanced of course) at the weekend, and decided that I wanted to read something. I really did. Nothing to do with work or what is going on in the world – but some engrossing, enjoyable fiction.

Of course, my reading list now includes a large selection of both paperbacks and Kindle editions of books that have been written by bloggers right here on WordPress. There are so many great books I have read (and I still have lots of Caramel’s Corner Reviews waiting to be finished in my drafts folder so I can tell you what I thought of them).

But this week I read a post from Jacob Nyamake’s WEDNESDAY WRITER series, featuring WordPress writer/blogger Paula Harmon. I loved the interview, but I also checked out her books on Amazon and downloaded Books 1-3 of The Casper & Fleet Mysteries. What a treat!!!

Two Victorian young women become a mystery solving duo whilst dealing with all of the challenges of their era – from corsets to chaperones – both with their own interesting storyline. I loved getting to know Katherine and Connie and found it so easy to read chapter after chapter without wanting to put my tablet down.

I love that Book One – which I have read all of and can’t wait to get stuck into Book Two – traverses parts of London. As a resident of London myself, it is so easy to conjure up an image of those places nowadays.

Paula Harmon and co-writer Liz Hedgecock have produced a fantastic duo, incredibly enjoyable to read about, and I am really looking forward to reading the rest of their series.

Run To You

Jim Adams, aka Newepicauthor, the creator of A Unique Title For Me, is hosting SONG-LYRIC-SUNDAY and this week he has chosen the theme: COMPARISONS

Photoshop, Digital Imaging, Editing, Girl, Woman, Young

Ooooh – Jim ! I did not know where to start. In the end I settled on two songs with exactly the same title but from different artists, two huge music stars. I like them both, and I don’t have much to say in comparing them both.

The title of both songs is “Run To You”. The first track is from Bryan Adams and second from Whitney Huston. I was surprised to find that neither of these songs topped the charts (although Adams reached the top of the US Rock Charts with his track). Yet they received so much radio play over here in the UK. I remember hearing them many many times when I was a child. I loved both songs.

Which “Run To You” do you prefer?

She says her love for me could never die
But that’d change if she ever found out about you and I

Oh – but her love is cold
It wouldn’t hurt her if she didn’t know, ’cause…

When it gets too much
I need to feel your touch

I’m gonna run to you
I’m gonna run to you
Cause when the feeling’s right I’m gonna run all night
I’m gonna run to you
She’s got a heart of gold she’d never let me down
But you’re the one that always turns me on
You keep me comin’ ’round

I know her love is true
But it’s so damn easy makin’ love to you

I got my mind made up
I need to feel your touch

I’m gonna run to you
Yeah! – I’m gonna run to you
Cause when the feeling’s right I’m gonna stay all night
I’m gonna run to you

Yeah! – I’m gonna run to you
Oh when the feeling’s right I’m gonna run all night
I’m gonna run to you

Oh when the feeling’s right now

Oh! – I’m gonna run to you
Yeah! – I’m gonna run to you
Cause when the feeling’s right I’m gonna stay all night
I’m gonna run to you

Oh! – I’m gonna run to you
Yeah! When the feeling’s right I’m gonna stay all night
Oh when the feeling’s right now

Oh yeah when the feeling’s right now
I’m gonna run to you
Oh, oh

Yeah, I’m gonna run to you
Yeah, I’m gonna
Oh, I’m gonna run to you, run to you
Oh, I’m gonna run to you
Oh, I’m gonna run now

Written By: Bryan Adams and James Douglas Vallance

Ooh, I know that when you look at me
There’s so much that you just don’t see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you’d find
Oh, a girl, who’s scared sometimes
Who isn’t always strong
Can’t you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Won’t you hold me in your arms?
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay
Or will you run away?

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night, I come home and turn the key
There’s nobody there, no one cares for me
Oh woah, what’s the sense
Of trying hard to find your dreams?
Without someone to share them with
Tell me, what does it mean?

I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Won’t you hold me in your arms?
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay
Or will you run away?
Run away

No, I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
No, if you only knew
How much I wanna run to you
Know I wanna run to you
Won’t you hold me in your arms?
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay
Or will you run away?

Written By: Jud Friedman and Allan Rich

Sleeping Beauty

I woke up this yesterday morning and realized I had forgotten to schedule a post. It is the first time in a long time that I have not published anything at all. But I asked myself – why worry? There is lots lined up to be published in coming weeks and months – one day off! What’s the big deal?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I have an excuse! I have been sleeping so incredibly well this week. Eleven hours almost every night. It feels great. When you sleep that much, surely your body is telling you something. I had another outrageous run of headaches recently. Perhaps that is why my body and my brain want more sleep than I would normally allow them.

Work is still busy, but I think we just get stronger week by week. We are doing alright.

Jack says he loves to watch me sleeping. It’s so nice to feel safe and at peace with him beside me. It’s really special actually.