I have re-published THE STORM IN A TEACUP SERIES over the past couple of months. It is the story of one pivotal week when Jack and I were flatmates. Some of it seems silly, and that is partly because I wanted it to have a light hearted touch. But the reality is – that period in my life is the most painful of my life. A time I should have been so happy, yet I as being pushed to breaking point.
Jack is as familiar with those posts as I am. When I reread them, they have a drastic effect on me. Even though I am now secure in my relationship with Jack, they reignite the pain I remember.
It was tremendously painful!!! Do you know why I don’t believe in karma? Well, I could write about that subject for days actually – I hardly know of a more cruel doctrine. My wonderful parents raised me to love goodness and kindness. I chose to give of my life, my mental abilities and physical energy to volunteering for charities up and down this country until I qualified as a full-time international volunteer. I did not earn any money for five years while working between 40-60 hours every week to help others.
In no possible way did I deserve any of what happened to me!!! I did not deserve to be slandered and maligned by people who had never even met me!!! I certainly did not deserve to be viciously attacked, sexually assaulted and left for dead in a degrading way.
But strangely, I bounced back from those horrific experiences much more quickly than I did over the disaster that was Jack and me. You see, the chaotic and painful misunderstanding and miscommunication with Jack is one of the most painful experiences of my life. I truly feel looking back that someone wanted to hurt me and Jack to the core.
It felt as if someone was manipulating our situation at every stage. As if someone was laughing as they increased the pressure and pushed and pushed us both towards our breaking point. I was plunged into despair. Jack himself almost had a nervous breakdown after I was attacked, one that I was oblivious to because I was recovering from my own injuries.
As I look back I can see that someone had a personal hatred of me. I know who that someone was. He hated the goodness, the kindness, the love that my parents had breathed into us. He hated the unselfish giving of the many volunteers we worked with. He hates goodness. What I suffered was nothing to do with karma. It was because I wanted to be good, to do good and to love goodness!
I don’t feel angry over the individuals who made comments and remarks either outloud or on social media because I see that as a manipulator wielding pawns who did not realize how serious a situation they were contributing to.
Although we may make mistakes and reap the consequences. Although if we plant unhealthy seeds we can expect to grow an unhealthy crop. There is another reason good people suffer. It is because there is an enemy to goodness. He wants to destroy good people. To suggest that all suffering is due to karma is a lie and a deeply cruel one.
But love can conquer and it does conquer. When two people love peace, and they love goodness and they love kindness they can conquer. We are mindful that we have an enemy. But we do not want him to slow us down as we give our all into doing what we know is good and right.
Caramel 