This has been an odd week for me. My pain was mounting over the weekend and eventually I had to up the ante with painkillers that are stronger than my normal poison. Tuesday and most of Wednesday are a daze to me, but Jack said he had some very strange conversations with me.
This is not what I wanted for this week. I had planned it the other way round. Rather than Jack having to take care of me, I had hoped to be making a fuss over him. Jack has been lovely this week. I felt safe. I felt safe with him being here.
One year ago Jack said something to me that changed everything. We’d only been talking for a couple of weeks (after four years of estrangement), but he wanted to tell me how he felt. Only he was struggling, mostly cautious because he had no idea what I was expecting. He did the kind of thing I would expect a teenager to do…but then Jack is a teenager trapped in a man’s body.
We were in his car…a familiar strum of guitar chords. I remember Jack trying to hold eye contact with me, but I was turning away and looking out of the window singing the words to myself. That’s when he reached for my hand…
“I don’t believe that anyone feels the way I do about you now”.
“There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don’t know how“
“Maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me“
❤ Happy Anniversary Jack! ❤
Sorry I have been unconscious or doolally most of this week. I will make it up to you! I want to live forever by your side.
Caramel 
Happy anniversary to you and Jack! I totally understand the awkwardness of trying to say the right thing. Like, when my now husband proposed to me in 2010, I was so shocked that I replied: “So, do you think that’d be cool then?” (Or something like that, I’m at a loss for English words right now to translate what I said.) We just had our ninth wedding anniversary last week and I couldn’t even see him due to a COVID scare. I’m so sorry you’ve been poorly and in pain too. Feel better soon!
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I had a rough week!
This year has been so strange. So many celebrations put on hold, so many seperated from others whom they love the bones of.
Love your answer!
When Jack told me how he felt, I was in shock. I think it must have been difficult because so much hurt had been caused all those years before. I longed to make peace with him and I was ready to respond to his efforts to make peace. I was not expecting love. Not at all! He is a very enthusiastic person. He gives everything his 100%. So when we were meeting up and talking on the phone I just thought he was putting his full effort into making peace, I never suspected there was more to it.
It felt like I was dreaming that evening he told me how he felt. I feel bad because it took me longer to tell him I loved him. It’s not that I didn’t feel that way. I had never stopped loving Jack. But there were two things holding me back. First of all, I knew I needed to speak to Goldfinch. Secondly, I was afraid. I loved Jack but I did not trust him. I did not feel safe with him. It took a while before I was sure that he was saying those words in a burst of enthusiasm. But I did eventually accept that he was not going to play games with me after everything that had happened.
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I’m going to use that song eventually in my blog; it’s the right time period.
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It is a fab song. I will never forget it after the way Jack played it to me that night.
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Wonderwall might be one of my top 5 favorite songs ever.
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< It was very popular when i was at school. I think of it as a lad’s love song. ❤
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