WHEN IT COMES TO THE CRUNCH – WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
You are in love. You met someone several months ago and the romance has been growing steadily stronger. But you live a couple of hours apart so you are having to travel at weekends to spend time together. Your best friend complains that you don’t spend as much time with them anymore and you are putting your new romance before your best friend.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
What is THE CARAMEL CRUNCH? Well, it’s all about decisions. When it comes to THE CRUNCH what would you do?
One of the definitions of the word CRUNCH is:
a crucial point or situation
– generally involving a decision with weighty consequences
- Your response can be a quickie. Please feel free to send a comment to say what you would do, and if you have time or are inclined, please feel free to explain your decision.
- If you would like to create a post with a longer explanation of your decision, please pingback to THE CARAMEL CRUNCH post. (Or copy and paste a link to your post in the comments section – please feel free.)
If you know anything about CRUSHED CARAMEL, you will probably realize I am a gentle soul, so my questions are not supposed to be terrifying! What I am hoping for really is to see a variety of responses. Afterall, it’s pretty obvious that WordPress bloggers are from a huge variety of backgrounds and cultures. It would be fascinating to learn more about how we as individuals make decisions.
Some of the questions I am going to ask are questions I have discussed with friends when we have been having coffee or dinner. I often find there is no clear right or wrong. It can be so much a matter of our individual experiences and outlook. I find it fascinating how very different some of us are when it comes to decision making.
We all have different outlooks, and may make different decisions. I am really looking forward to learning WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Caramel 
I would talk to my friend and make sure they know how I feel. If they’re a true best friend they will be happy that I’m in love. Maybe we can arrange a couple of other times during the week to hang out instead.
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In my twenties this situation seemed to happen more frequently, not just to me, but amongst other friends. I remember vividly that when someone started courting, other friends would complain. It makes me think we were a bit too dependant on our friends.
It seems so silly now! Now we are in our thirties, most of us are so busy with work and commitments, we have to plan ahead to get together with friends. Nobody would be blamed for getting excited about meeting someone and starting a romance. We would be happy for them and share their joy (and hope that they had met someone genuine).
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Speaking hypothetically, it would depend upon my friend’s circumstances and availability and how close we are. If it were possible to see her during the week and or try to split the weekend between the new love of my life and my friend every once in a while, hopefully that would be a happy compromise. If it is a longstanding friend, I would not want to alienate her because she will hopefully still be around should things fall apart with the new love interest.
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I think trying to find the right balance would be very loving.
The situation I mentioned seemed to happen frequently amongst my friends when we were in our twenties, but now we are in our thirties, I think our perspective has changed considerably.
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I would talk to my friend and tell them about I feel. There shouldn’t be a competition between love and friendship.
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I think in our twenties, sometimes when one of us started courting, other friends were frightened about being forsaken. But as we grew older, so much changed. At one point or another, all of us went through the experience of falling with a guy and giving our all to making the relationship work.
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Indeed. That is one experience most young adults go through.
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It would really depend. I don’t have “best friends” just friends I hang with or (now) Zoom game with when it’s convenient for us. Unless I completely abandoned them, they wouldn’t care if I missed some events, or vice versa. If I really did have a true best friend, I would do my absolute best to spend time with her during a new romance. Knowing what I do, the friendship is likely to outlive the romance anyway and I wouldn’t want her to feel hurt.
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I think we have so many different relationships in our lives, friends who are great to socialise with, friends who we can tell anything to and rely upon through any challenge, romances with guys who love themselves far more than the woman they are dating…and maybe once in a blue moon comes along someone who wants to to share life with someone. The latter being the most rare I feel. But in the meantime, I think it is wise and loving to look after everyone in our lives – if we can.
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I’d speak with my friend about how she makes me feel and how special she is and let her know how my new romance makes me feel. Book some time aside to spend quality time with friend every week / every other week just the two of us – I would hope that if I’m in love with this person and they love me – they would understand the need to see and keep in contact with friends x
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That would be a very lovely thing to do.
This was a challenge that occurred frequently in our twenties. Now we are in our thirties, I think our view has changed very much. We have all been through the experience of falling for someone and hoping it would work out. We have all been there for our friends when things went wrong with a romance.
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Follow your heart.
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It seemed in our twenties, there were quite a few upsets when this happened. Now we have all grown up a bit (well some of us 🙂 ) we have different outlooks.
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Well, this was my life for 3 1/2 years. Frank & I met online and commuted on the weekends back & forth from Jax to Tampa. Luckily my 2 BFF’s were supportive. They complain now because I moved to be with Frank 12 years ago but they understand. I spent a lot of time with them during the week so it was never an issue. It’s harder to get together now but we visit as much as possible. The virus has shut down our traveling I’m happy the question wasn’t hypocritical this time. 😊
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Hey Lisa, it’s so interesting to know how things worked out for you.
I remember lots of tears and squabbles amongst friends when we were all in our twenties. Whenever someone started courting, others would complain they were putting their new romance ahead of their friends. But in some cases those romances became happy marriages. We have all changed our outlook as we have grown older and so much has changed in our lives.
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This is so true. My ex husband still git drunk with his buddies every weekend after we were married and I should have seen the problems then. I neglected my friends for him and he neglected me for his friends. Thank god I married a better on the second time around. 😊
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Sit down and talk with the friend and let them know that I’m not abandoning them, but that I’ve gotten a boyfriend and that takes top priority over everything else, but make sure to figure out a way that me and the friend can spend some time together as well.
If the boyfriend is a decent man, he’d be totally fine with it and if the friend is a true friend, they’d be understanding.
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I guess finding the right balance and showing friends how much we value them is important. I think I would invest a lot into someone who I can share my life with. I think I do. I know that now my family and friends are ok with me making Jack the centre of my plans.
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Yeah, finding the right balance is important.
Cool! I’m glad to hear that your family is so supportive 🙂
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