It’s Not You, It’s Me

Confused, Muddled, Illogical

I am in a pickle. I have a friend who wants to talk regularly. They want to talk about subjects I am not in the mood for. We have different interests. We have different outlooks and different points of view.

The thing is my friend is always nice to me. I just dread their calls and messages. It’s probably antagonized because I am tired after work. My friend is staying at home after being put on furlough. He is bored. He seems to want to fill me in on politics and every development with the …you know – how many cases, how many deaths, the lastest news on testing.

I sent a series of half hearted messages. You know messages that were just a sentence long. Now my friend is wondering what is wrong. So I sent a message last night to say, I am very tired and when I come home from work the last thing I want to think about is politics or the …you know.

How to tactfully explain to him why I don’t want to answer his calls or reply to the subjects he brings up in emails….

18 thoughts on “It’s Not You, It’s Me

    1. It turned out there was a reason he kept calling. He wanted to be more than a friend. Had to pour some cold water on his ideas. That will put an end to him trying to draw me into politics!

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  1. I know eaxctly what you mean. Friends who are bored at home, assuming you’re in a similar position – which you’re not – and having nothing else to do. They think they’re doing you a favour by keeping regularly in touch, they’re not. I have a couple like this which I’ve had to let down gently. I’ve explained the situation, but they’ve not listened. So, I don’t answer their calls and only get back in contact at my convenience and then control the length of the call.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am very selective when it comes to the rare occasion I need to rant. Rather than chewing someone’s ear off, I prefer to have my say in my heart and very occasionally an eloquent and diplomatic rant will appear on my site.
      It turns out my friend wanted to be more than a friend. So I threw some cold water on that. So for now I am relieved of hearing political diatribe. Phew!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. When I realized he wanted to sneak in and get into my knickers while Jack is in Africa, it gave me good cause to be straightforward. This support bubble phenomenon (the latest lifting of restrictions here in the UK) made him bolder with me. I burst his bubble though. There may be some lovely ladies out there who would love to listen him talk politics all day long.


  2. IF he catches you ‘live’ as it were, (on the phone), just use the old excuse of ‘having something on the stove which you have to watch’. Keep a kettle or something ON the stove, if you feel that is more like lying. It cuts the conversation short without guilt IMHO. If he emails you, just decide for yourself when you feel like answering and aren’t so tired. I realize right now you’re probably tired ALL THE TIME, but hopefully this current state of things won’t last forever. Maybe that’s the ticket. Just tell him kindly that your job is taking a lot of your time and you’re exhausted when you finish work, and prefer to go home and rest. Will he take the hint?

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    1. I tried to make it obvious in our conversations that I had no wish to talk politics. But in the end, he introduced another subject. It turns out there was another reason he kept calling me. I have been able to let him down (gently as I could) and I believe that will put an end to his calls.


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  4. Friends share their worries with whom they trust and whom they think understands them.
    Just be honest and say “Look, this whole situation makes me anxious af, please try to not send me articles or news, I’m trying to keep away from it, not because I don’t care, but because I need my focus for my day to day life.” – keeping a kettle on the stove is exactly the kind of subtlety that will feel like you don’t like them and you’re not honest with them. Also, you’re not “just tired”, because if he was talking about other stuff you’d be interested. If it’s a friendship worth keeping, be honest.
    If it’s not, then be honest too.
    Your friend deserves the honesty to eventually move on, or to be able to reflect their behaviour.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did keep reminding him that I am strictly non-political, but he still wanted to try to talk politics with me – which was baffling! But it turned out there was another motive to his frequently calling and emailing me. I had to spell out very clearly that just because Jack is in Africa, it does not mean I am going to play away. Oh dearie! Well…the communication from him has ceased since he made his ideas clearer to me and I threw water on them.


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