WHEN IT COMES TO THE CRUNCH – WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
You have a friend who you have known for many years, but lately they have become very draining. Whenever you spend time with your friend, you feel exhausted because of their negative attitude. They seem persistently critical and despondent. You start to dread their company (or communications via phone, text messages and email) because it is so depressing.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
What is THE CARAMEL CRUNCH? Well, it’s all about decisions. When it comes to THE CRUNCH what would you do?
One of the definitions of the word CRUNCH is:
a crucial point or situation
– generally involving a decision with weighty consequences
- Your response can be a quickie. Please feel free to send a comment to say what you would do, and if you have time or are inclined, please feel free to explain your decision.
- If you would like to create a post with a longer explanation of your decision, please pingback to THE CARAMEL CRUNCH post. (Or copy and paste a link to your post in the comments section – please feel free.)
If you know anything about CRUSHED CARAMEL, you will probably realize I am a gentle soul, so my questions are not supposed to be terrifying! What I am hoping for really is to see a variety of responses. Afterall, it’s pretty obvious that WordPress bloggers are from a huge variety of backgrounds and cultures. It would be fascinating to learn more about how we as individuals make decisions.
Some of the questions I am going to ask are questions I have discussed with friends when we have been having coffee or dinner. I often find there is no clear right or wrong. It can be so much a matter of our individual experiences and outlook. I find it fascinating how very different some of us are when it comes to decision making.
We all have different outlooks, and may make different decisions. I am really looking forward to learning WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Caramel 
I’ve actually been in similar situations a few times. In each case, I’ve sat down with them for an honest conversation. The results have been mixed, ranging from the best (a productive conversation that improved our relationship) to the worst (a lot of anger and a dramatic end to the friendship).
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❤ Amanda, I think an honest conversation is a good idea, but there is always that fear that it might not go down well. You have to care about someone and be brave to address that they are having that draining effect on people. Ultimately, it would benefit their relationships with others if they could make slight changes, but it might initially hurt for them to hear that people are starting to dread their company.
But it's the friendships marked by honesty that are often the strongest. ❤
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I am currently in the same boat with someone. So far, I have just avoided it and the whole situation. Being in lockdown has made that part easier, though. But I know I am going to have to do something about it fairly quickly. I am not expecting it to go well at all.
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It’s a tough one isn’t it. I think it has to be delicately done, because it could hurt initially. But in the long run. helping someone we care about realize that their outlook could be hurting them and their relationships with other people, would hopefully benefit them.
Otherwise people may just gradually drift away from them because they find them draining…and someone might end up isolated without understanding why.
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Very well said. It’s hard. that’s why we tend to avoid these situations and I admit, I to have chosen the path of avoidance. I know what needs to be said and done, I just haven’t done it yet. I also know what the result will be, and quite frankly, that will be one big relief.
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I have learned my lesson years ago with discussions and later a fall out with friends. Often at the dinner table some of us get into conflict…over something or nothing important. I but into the conversation quickly and move them on to a different topic……That’s all I can do.
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You made me smile when I read this. I love going out to dinner with friends. lots of my friends are foodies and love to host a group of us to try out their cooking. But so many times the dinner table has been a scene of debate.
If someone is very negative and overbearing, I think I would do the same…try to steer the conversation towards something more enjoyable.
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It sounds like this is a change in the behaviour of the friend which might suggest that they are struggling themselves. I think I’d go for a gentle but honest conversation asking if they need support and mentioning that I’d noticed a change. Hopefully that would have an outcome that would strengthen and improve the relationship. If this didn’t have the desired effect I probably would back off from the relationship a bit to protect my own mental health.
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I think that’s very true.
I had a friend who lost it near the beginning of social distancing. She was extremely anxious and she kept on ringing me to go over and over and over her worries. Her older parents relatives who are all abroad, fear she would lose her job, fear she would lose her home.
I felt for her. I had huge empathy for her worries. But I was trying to stay strong for work and not let the situation get to me. So I had to be a bit firm with her in the end and say she was worrying about situations that had not even happened yet. In the end her employer offered her furlough and she is not at risk of losing her home. So far all of her relatives have been fine. She still calls me regularly, but I have to limit the conversation to half an hour because it is hard work mentally to keep her positive.
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It sounds like you’ve managed to find a balance between supporting your friend and looking after yourself. That’s great. Setting boundaries can be a real challenge.
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I’m actually in this situation now. I don’t know what to do really because the friend is part of a group of friends. I’m thinking to step back from the whole pile of them. Unlike Jeanne, it’s actually harder in lockdown because they’re all chatting 24/7 and wanting to Zoom 🙄
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Maybe I should be glad I don’t have zoom!
It can be tough. It’s not easy to tell someone that they are draining. It would have to be one of those tasks that require huge tact and a loving motive. With a friend I would try to do that. But I had a colleague whose negative draining vibes were exhausting…I just ended up running every time I saw them!
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Of they are really close friend, I may try to point out that negativity does no one any good. Or I may just generalize and say things that would make them realize that they are not good company.
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I think most of us would probably try to find a kind way to help someone who was a close friend. If someone is a new acquaintance and they are negative and draining, I have to admit, it would probably make me think twice before spending more time with them.
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I agree with you. Who needs more negativity in their lives.
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It’s funny you should mention this but…….I’ve been in similar situations to Amanda, with similar outcomes. But, hey, that’s life.
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So true. I think it’s brave and loving to try to help a friend realize the effect they are having…but has to be done so very delicately and kindly.
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I have some friends like this and I offer positive possible solutions. Some people seem as if they thrive on the bad things in their lives and that is about all you can do for them. I deal with it and keep myself in check. Once I’m away from them, I get rid of all that negativity by doing the things that make me happy. It’s a win win & keeps the friendship intact. I know, I’m weird. 😊
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I know of some of my friends who do seem to thrive on drama and bad news. They churn up the dregs of situations they have been over and over a hundred times and there seems to be no answer to. I have to limit how much time I can loan my ear to these conversations.
I love them but…if everytime I speak to them I am exhausted, I have to set a limit.
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Totally understand that! 😊
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Ironic you should ask this one as I’m going through this – except it’s with a relative.
If it was with a friend, I’d just sit down and talk to them about it and let them know I’m getting tired of the crap and hopefully we can work something out.
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I was surprised that so many of us have to deal with this situation.
It’s been fascinating to read everyone;s answers. I think I am more likely to be more honest with family. One of my close relatives had a habit of getting into arguments with all of our friends. I made it my mission to soften her and make her a but less volatile. Although she resented what I had said initially, it formed the basis for a very strong tie between us and she says she would always come to me for the truth.
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Yeah, that’s true. To be honest, because this person I’m in the situation with is a relative, I’m kinda scared to say something as it will likely backfire badly on me – and I mean BADLY. But I guess honesty’s the best policy.
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