Oh but you had your chance!
I did everything you asked of me. I gave my all. You made the decisions, you took the lead. I complied. You controlled every aspect of our relationship. You told me what to wear and how to style my hair. Everything had to revolve around your schedule. I was the one who had to cancel my plans to fit in with what you wanted.
I tried so hard. I bent over backwards. There was nothing more I could have done. There came a point when I realized you were playing games with me. You wanted a toy. You wanted an ornament. You thought you could use gifts to make me comply with your desires.
Ending my relationship with you was a brave decision on my part, one that you could not understand. You have never really accepted it. You tried to interfere with my relationship with Goldfinch. It was as if you resented me wanting to be with anyone else accept you. Now you have the nerve to mock Jack. DON’T!
I am not yours. I was never yours. You wanted me…but on your terms. They were terms I could not agree to. I made the decision to end our relationship because I am not an object.
I am a woman who works hard and has a busy schedule of her own. I choose to put a limit on my earnings and live my life with few possessions. It is my choice to work unpaid for charities. I don’t do it because I have failed at anything. I do it because I realized long ago that the economic system was crumbly and never ever to put my trust in it. I have lived. I have lived richly by giving my time to helping other people. You might laugh at that but I laugh at you. I laugh at you in your swimming pool and driving your convertible Bentley. I laugh at your £12,000 suits and your manicures and pedicures. I laugh at the ridiculous amount you pay for your fine dining experience and your luxury hotels. I cry that you waste all that money when I know the good it could do to help others in need.
I was not content with only being there at your convenience. Your expensive gifts made it seem you thought I could be bought. I rejected it all.
You and I are entirely mismatched. I fell for your kindness and gentlemanly manners. That’s what I was was drawn to. I felt safe with you, protected. But then you changed. You criticised my career choice, my lifestyle. You tried to shape me into something I was not, something I never want to be.
I will not tolerate your messages. They leave a sour taste in my mouth. You do not respect me. You do not respect the men I love. I do not want to hear from you any longer. You had your chance – and you blew it!
And if you ever turn up at my house again, I will report you for breaking social distancing rules! Do not think that just because you cannot travel, you cannot go out to restaurants or to the theatre, you cannot go to the races or to your clubs – do not think that you can use your stay-at-home time to try to draw me in again. It is not going to happen. I left you because I was unhappy. I found love with a man who made me very happy. Even though he returned home, he left me a very happy woman.
How dare you make fun of Jack! Jack is the best man alive and I will not tolerate your words. One more message from you and I will simply block you. DO NOT big yourself up and try to belittle the man I love. You had your chance – it’s too late now. I am in a very happy relationship with a man I truly admire because he gave up what you have to give his life to working with charities that make a difference to people’s lives.
I am his.
Do your remember that evening? It was bitterly cold outside. I was shivery cold even though you had your arms around me most of the afternoon. You icy fingers had been finding gaps in my clothing, creating gaps in my clothing. You watched my eyes as I reacted to the freezing touch against my skin.
I am not sure when exactly I fell in love with you…but I often think back to that evening. I think I knew that night, I didn’t want to ever be apart from you. I’ve never understood since, why I should be apart from you.
Caramel 