The Fixers And The Fixated

The adage featured for today’s FANDANGO’S FEBRUARY EXPRESSIONS is:

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

So…first I am going to say this…if it is broken, fix it carefully. I am thinking of broken bones, broken hearts, broken bonds. They need to be realigned properly, otherwise more damage can be done.

My thoughts when I learnt this was today’s adage drifted back to a time when I suffered, and my colleagues suffered, because we had a new supervisor who seemed fixated with overhauling every aspect of our department! The memory of that stressful period is still something I hate to think about. It was one of the most miserable times in all the years I have worked. I wrote about it in this post: On My Way To Burnout.

Boy oh boy, have you ever faced a new manager or new supervisor who rushes in like a bull in a china shop with his (or her) own ideas about the way everything should be done and upsets everyone? Nightmare! I have a fear of newly promoted peeps. They seem to want glory for revolutionising the system. Is it due to some insane perfectionist tendency that people go about tearing down what others have faithfully done, and declaring some mega masterplan?

I am not ignorant of the risks that come with parochialism.  I do believe everyone should be willing to make adjustments to the way they work (or in other areas) that would have better results. However, a pedantic tyrant, fixated with achieving their goal, is scary! They seem to lack appreciation for the hard work and loyalty that others have consistently displayed. I’ve seen some ugly situations develop, where those in authority had the attitude of “if you don’t like the changes I’m bringing in, then leave”! Trying to force through lots of changes all at the same time is like trying to disassemble and rebuild an aeroplane while it is in mid-flight. It is frankly terrifying!

But…I have a very long week of work ahead, and I am going to distract myself from work for a moment. My other thought on this adage is relationships. One of the factors that I believe can cause challenges in relationships is EXPECTATIONS! Am I right?

I know I have done it myself. My beloved and I might be getting on swimmingly, and then some random thought pops into my head that somehow we are not where we should be on the relationship scale. I become fixated with the fine details. I try to complicate matters, discuss terms and agreements, and I even use the C-word (that’s “commitment”, in case you were wondering!)

Sometimes it hasn’t been appropriate. I am sure I frightened the life out of Goldfinch by using the L-word (that’s “love”, in case you were wondering) within the first month of meeting him. In all honesty, I would have been happy to discuss marriage and possible babies right from the word go. Although there is a strong romantic streak in me, I have a business head when it comes to relationships. I think they should be contracted in writing from word go and have regular reviews and appraisals. (Ok…maybe not!)

I guess there is a balance. I don’t want to display an insane perfectionist tendency that demands conformity to some elevated ideal. I am old enough now that I am not going to allow a man to take me for granted. Nor would I put up with the slightest abuse. But I have to accept that my expectations may differ from his.

I have had to remind myself that my beloved might just want to take things at a more leisurely, less formal pace, and not feel pushed to make any pledges or promises before he is inclined. I have had to adjust my thinking and accept that I should make the most of what I have and look after it. I shouldn’t perceive ways in which a relationship that is absolutely delightful needs “fixing”.

In fact one of the adages a very sage aunt taught me has helped me in many relationships. Perhaps it’s one that Fandango himself might soon feature. The adage that has helped me to accept and enjoy what I have is:

EXPECT NOTHING, APPRECIATE EVERYTHING!

There is a song from John Anderson, called “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It”…but I have chosen a song that helps me think of how I came to view the relationship I had with Goldfinch. I think he got to know me and understood my loopy way of thinking at times. That’s probably why he went back to Australia!

_______________________________

This was my response to today’s FANDANGO’S FEBRUARY EXPRESSIONS:

https://fivedotoh.com/2020/02/03/fandangos-february-expressions-3/