A Comedy Crisis

Oooooh – Teresa has asked us to try out comedy today. This comedy has ended up kind of dark I will warn you now! Not my typical style.

Your challenge today, should you accept it, is to find your funny bone and write your best comedy and see where it leads…or whatever/wherever the picture takes you. 


Well…I had a little idea this morning. As soon as I saw the photo, it said to me failing comedian. But when I started working on it, I found it ended up becoming kind of macabre! You’ll see what I mean! Just remember Jeff and his wife, and all the other characters are pure fiction. Don’t have nightmares!

Comedian, Face, Performance, Comic

“Sorry Jeff, but tonight is your last night on stage in The Coco Comedy Club. Your gig just isn’t going down well with audiences.”

“I don’t get it Frank, my jokes about Trump and Pence are awesome. People used to lap that stuff up. What’s changed?”

Frank scratched his head, “I can’t answer that Jeff. I think some of the audience might actually support him, and those who don’t, well, they are just beyond laughing anymore. They seem closer to despair.”

jeffsJeff sat in his dressing room feeling depressed. Everything seemed to be going wrong in his life. In all honesty, he didn’t feel like standing on stage for half an hour to tell jokes about the POTUS. He had too much on his mind. Losing this gig was the last thing he needed. As he sulked, his feelings intensified.

At 8:55pm Mindy knocked on his door to remind him that he was on stage in five minutes. Jeff hauled himself up from the chair he had been glued to for the last couple of hours wallowing in his misery. For what he thought would be the last time, he walked out onto the tiny stage at The Coco Comedy Club and started his set…

Only tonight Jeff gave up on his normal stand-up routine. Something had snapped within him. Jeff started to bear his heart to the audience and voice all of his problems.

“So last week my wife came home and told me she wanted a divorce.”

Microphone, Stage, Light, Show, MusicPerceiving a murmur of laughter, Jeff stared out into the dimly lit seating where the audience sat. He wondered who on earth found what he had just announced as funny. “I asked her why she wanted a divorce after eight years of wedded bliss. She’s had the house all to herself for the past five years. When I’m on the comedy circuit, we don’t see each other for months, and when I am not working, I stay out late so she can have Netflix to herself and when I come home late I sleep on the sofa, so I don’t wake her up. I asked her what the hell was wrong?”

Jeff was taken aback when a ripple of laughter erupted and few people whooped. “It turns out she has been having an affair. With a lad half her age who comes to clean the pool. So she wanted a divorce so she could take half my earnings. She reckoned that without her, I would never have made a cent!” Jeff raised his eyebrows, “Well, she had a point there. Most of my sketches have been about her and the cretans she calls Mom and Dad.”

Yoga, Group, Fitness, Exercise, FemaleThe audience laughed heartily as Jeff continued his outpouring, “Do you know what she said? She said I am selfish. Me! Selfish! She’s the one who has maxed out two of my credit cards paying for her botox injections, silicone implants and her pilates classes.”

A couple of men were heard guffawing while the rest of the audience cackled. Jeff was baffled by the reaction he was receiving. “Guys if any of you have annoying wives, take this advice from me – send her to pilates classes. It will pay off big time. After I strangled her it was so easy to fold her body up and stick her in a suitcase.”

There was a roar of laughter from the audience at this point. Jeff looked over at Frank who was grinning and had both of his thumbs up. Scratching his head, Jeff announced, “All that botox and silicone turned out to be an advantage too. I pushed the suitcase over the top step of the stairs and it bounced all the way to the bottom.”

jefsSome of the audience were rocking backwards and forwards with laughter. Jeff looked out at them as if they were all insane, “So I’ve been driving around all week with the suitcase in the back of my car. Has anyone any suggestions about how to dispose of a body?”

People were crying with laughter and cheering Jeff. He didn’t know what to make of it. He put the microphone back onto the stand and backed away from the little stage.

As he headed back to his dressing room, Frank popped up in front of him, “Jeff, that was absolutely cracking! The audience loved your new content. Scrap the political satire. Just do exactly what you did tonight. That was flippin’ hilarious. If you do exactly that, I’ll book you in for the top spot at The Coco Comedy Club for another three months!!!”



Bills To Pay And Rules To Break

It is so Friday! At long last! What a long week this has been. I am sad, real sad that Jack will be away for the next few weeks. Can you imagine how I am feeling? There is so much I want to say to Jack.

hwpHowever, not one to wallow in the dust, I have plans! Big plans! Bills to pay, rules to break, risks to take and things to say! I will be seeing a lot of friends in my free time (not that I have a lot of that at the moment) to keep me busy and lively while Jack is away.

It all starts tonight. One word for you: PARTY! Well, why not? It is the weekend after all! I am breaking my early to bed rule yet again!

One of my friends has just bought a house with a big garden. Before the furniture and carpets arrive…they are throwing a party. Best way to have a party, before the cream carpets go down! It’s a bit out of town, so I am staying with another friend tonight and then I have to catch a train first thing tomorrow to be back in London for eleven o’clock in the morning.

worslWhy do I have to come back to London the next morning? Paid work. I have bills to pay! South West Trains are a bit unreliable of late. I am taking a risk in leaving it until the morning to travel back for work. But you know what…it will be ok! We got love! I wonder what my supervisor would think if I said that after having to ring and late!

Nah! Why am I worrying? Life is not all work and no fun! I am going to make sure I laugh and dance and sing with my friends. Then I am going to head into work with a smile on my face as I remember the fun we had!

Oh this song is such fun!

Cameras Are My Kryptonite

content1This post is about a subject that could be misinterpreted, or even misdiagnosed. I do not generally have low self-esteem. I am secure in myself. More than that I am happy with myself. I also have a lot of confidence in public, social and other settings. I don’t become shy or nervous without a very good reason.

I have a healthy amount of self-esteem. I know my strengths, I know my weaknesses. I am happy with me. I know what I am proud of, I know what I need to work on. I have a very high appreciation for others, which helps me to keep a balanced view of myself.

Fundamentally, what I like about me is that I love people. Like my parents, who trained me and whose example I imitate, I have learnt to be patient, mild, a peace-maker, forgiving, kind, tactful, sensitive and graceful. I like that I am joyful and cheery, but I can change my temperament according to the needs of others. I like who I am.

poseingHowever, this post is not about my strengths. It is about one of my weaknesses. I have more than one weakness. But this particular weakness is frustrating. It is a ridiculous irrational oddity. But it has a powerful effect on me.

I hate seeing photographs of myself. I don’t mind posing for photos. But I literally hate seeing the photograph after it is taken. If you don’t have a similar reaction yourself to seeing photos of you, you might find it hard to comprehend the extreme feelings I have. I cannot bear to see myself in a photo. My eyes immediately focus on the less admirable parts of me, or how tired I look, or the lumpy bumpy parts of me, of my hair or eyebrows looking a mess, or my tummy sticking out…I find what I see repugnant.

mirosStrangely, I don’t have those feelings when I look into a mirror. Mirrors are fine. Perhaps mirrors are kinder than cameras. But what I see in the mirror is pleasant, even attractive (lol – if I do say so myself!)

I know I can’t really be repugnant. Neither Goldfinch or Jack are in anyway desperate for attention, Either of them could attract beautiful women. If I truly was as ugly and horrid as the creature I see in photographs of me, they would not be interested in me.

If you point a camera at me, I instinctively switch on the entertainer in me. I can pose and prance and pout all you like. But when I catch sight of myself in a photo, I become depressed, and very very upset. Recently, poor Jack had to calm me down when I became inconsolable about some pictures he was taking of me.

dress2It all started when I mentioned to Goldfinch that Jack and I were heading to our first public event together. I told Goldfinch I was going to be wearing a lovely dress. Goldfinch asked me for a photo of me in the dress. Oh boy! A simple request, you might think. Not in my case.

I asked Jack to take it. I cannot do selfies. It would drive me to despair. But I was happy to pose as Jack took several photos. He liked the photos a lot. He wanted to post one on Instagram and comment that I had found the dress in a charity shop. Jack has been extremely keen for a long time to post photos of us as a couple on his Instagram account. He sees it as a way of making sure any critics realize we are not intimidated. (Although, the truth is I am intimidated!) I saw the photos he took and was devastated. Absolutely horrified by how awful I looked.

That’s always the way I feel. I hate seeing photos of myself. I truly literally detest what I see. Jack tried to contradict my self deprecating statements. He tried to calm me down. it didn’t work. I was inconsolable. That was the night before we were going to our first public event. Jack was tired that night. Perhaps I was too. In the end, he gave up and went to bed because I was in such a major sulk.

poserThe following night, we had an amazing time. All my confidence came back at the event, because I was focused on other people, both Jack and everyone else. I had no shyness, not low self-esteem. But people took photos. Some of those photos on now on their Instagram accounts. Jack says we look great, but I have begged him not to let me see them.

Poor Goldfinch. He has no idea what he started when he asked me for a photo. Poor Jack! To him photos are part of daily life. As a celebrity, he can’t avoid photos. He is always taking selfies and pictures of people he meets and places he visits. He repeatedly poses for photos with people who recognise him. But he has a girlfriend who has something between a phobia to a paranoia when it comes to seeing photographs of herself.

annie disappointedI don’t like that Jack saw me so upset about something that must seem so ridiculous. He has now seen a crippling weakness and how it makes me crumble. He wants to “cure” me. But he will have a battle. I have felt that way since I was a small girl. I have always hated to see photographs and video footage of myself. It hasn’t stopped me from being on stage, on television, and in fashion shows. Neither has it stopped me posing for cameras. But I can only do and enjoy any of that on the proviso that I don’t see the images the camera has captured afterwards.

I am fully cognizant of how much it doesn’t make any sense, Nonetheless, it is a powerful feeling. I am repelled by photographs of me. I find them revolting. So it is best, to let me carry on dancing, singing, posing and generally lighting up the room. But please do not show me the pictures you took. Because I will be on the floor in a puddle of tears, hating the abominable creature in those photos.

As I mentioned, it doesn’t effect how I feel about myself. The inner me is delightful. I know that. I get to walk around with a heart full of joy and warmth and smiles. There is no sinister unkindness lurking. I don’t have these intense feelings when I see myself in a mirror. But nonetheless, photos of me are a problem. They crush me.

Anyway, Jack is going to be away now for a while. I don’t think I can be on my own with a photo of us on his Instagram account. It’s something I am going to need his support to endure. Sigh.