I was supposed to be going to Heathrow with Jack today. However, he has changed his flight because of a funeral. I won’t write about the funeral right now. Jack is upset. But that means I won’t be able to go with him when he sets off. Nevermind. There will be other opportunities, I am sure. I hope to meet him at the airport when he comes back to London. That will be lovely.
Other people “knowing” about us, is already changing the dynamics of the relationship between Jack and I. Before it was just him and me. Now it’s opinionated comments, probing questions and friendly teasing from others. Sigh.
It is good that everyone knows. I am especially relieved that my family know! But part of me wants to crawl back into the cave with him and keep out everyone else from our relationship for longer.
I forgot how freely other people offer opinions and make jokes about subjects that are still quite sensitive. It is very unfortunate that so many of our friends know that there has been a very rocky road for Jack and I. It’s giving them plenty to talk about and tease us about. I am trying to take it in good humour. But I have been very busy, and when you are tired, you are sometimes a little more emotionally fragile than usual.
Don’t worry there have been no disasters yet. I just feel more emotional than before. What people say does affect me. I am trying not to let it be an issue between Jack and I.
But do you know that pain that you get somewhere near the back of your throat when you are upset. It makes it painful to swallow and sends a sharp rush of tears to your eyes. Some of the remarks and questions I have received have triggered that.
I just do not want anything to spoil things between Jack and me. We were strangers, who became friends, who became lovers, who became strangers again. By some miracle, the estrangement was healed and we are friends and lovers again. But it would break my heart it if Jack and I ever became strangers again. Queue the BBC Voice of 2020, yes Celeste:
Caramel 
I wish there was a magic bubble that would take careless thoughts and ideas tossing them back to the person they came from. So they can realize the insensitivity callous disregard they are applying and hopefully be horrified at what they are doing/have done. I am going to sound like i am lecturing but I am not……it took me a really long time to learn this and once I did it makes things a little easier to understand…..no one knows your 100% truth or that of your relationship. Everything is colored by one’s own experiences. I have learned not to give advice. Oh it is hard to bite my tongue but I no longer do. I live to be happy now for me and Tember. Everything else is secondary. Because if I am not happy I am not caring for myself and if I am not caring for myself things get secondary and I really do not care what people think. About me. About how I live my life. Because drum roll please (as once more I blather on and on and on) only I know my truth. Only I have lived my truth. No one is ever going to understand it like I do. Hugs and you are kicking butt Woman!!!! 🙂
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❤ ❤ ❤
I don't want anyone to take away this precious relationship i have with Jack.
He feels like a prize I was tested to the limit for and had almost completely lost hope of. But he decided at some point I was the prize he wanted.
Why should we let anyone ruin that?
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It was always gonna happen one day. And you were always gonna have to ride the storm until people find something else to gossip about. It might seem difficult now but in a few weeks it’ll all be forgotten.
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That would be great. But that’s what I kept hoping back when we lived together. Instead it became years of torment!
I’m going to try to block out any nastiness. Nastiness is not wanted or needed.
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People seem to conveniently forget that most couples go through rocky spells. People need to get on with their own lives and stop butting in on stuff they know nowt about.
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Well said!!! ❤
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