Why People Make Decisions That Others Find Hard To Fathom

I was watching the BBC London news broadcast at around 6:50pm last night. The newsreader interrupted one report to announce that Buckingham Palace had released a statement regarding the decision of two members of the Royal Family. Well, you if you have seen news broadcasts, you probably know by now. I won’t mention them again.

The only reason I mention their decision which is going to receive endless analysis and criticism, is that I am disturbed by how many odd opinions I am hearing. Already I can see that there are a baffling array of opinions flying around on the internet and on the television.

All I am going to say is this, they are two human beings, forget titles, wealth, friends and connections. Human beings have minds and emotions. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We all have different limits, different breaking points. What one person can endure, another person might not be willing to tolerate.

Each individual human makes decisions, some small and some large. Some of us may feel we have more control than others. There are some people who have been enduring miserable situations for a long time and may not have felt they could change their lot. There are others who perhaps are more articulate and confident at voicing when they are not willing to tolerate a testing situation any longer and they make decisive decisions to change their situation.

I don’t judge other people’s decisions. However, I know me. I know that I have been in situations that have been very challenging. Overtime some of those situations became tougher and tougher to endure. Continuous stress has eroded my self esteem and my joy in life. In some cases, I was pushed to breaking point. When I finally realized I had no idea how to escape any more, my implosion meant that I made rather drastic decisions perhaps. I have chosen to flee rather than fight in some instances.

There was one job I had which literally became completely intolerable. I won’t go into it now. But after two years, I gave in my notice and asked Head Office not to inform my colleagues until after I had left. Some of my friends were shocked I did that. But there was a reason I did it. My colleagues may not have realized it, but the accrual of stress, the institutional mentality, the complete unflinching mindset against change, the peculiar spirit within that organisation…I came to a point where I just wanted out. I never looked back.

Even the situation with Jack years ago led me to despair. I was crumbling within for so long. Despair to the extent that I lost sight of my own safety. I should not have been on my own in a London park in the middle of the night. That incident yanked me out of a situation that had become intolerable for years, and the way I escaped the stresses and pressure I was under was very dramatic and undesirable.

I personally would not desire to point fingers and play the blame and shame game. All I had to do was recognise that the situation I was in had become increasingly threatening to my emotional health. Nobody knew how distressed I was. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault.

That is my point really. The reason I find it unbearable that countless people (who are not particularly connected with these two human beings) are going to discuss and analyse, question and call judgement on a decision that they have made – is that at the end of the day, if two people feel that they need protect their emotional and mental health and their family life, they have every right to do so.

Some people feel trapped in circumstances they cannot control. Others remove themselves from a situation when they find they are unable to maintain their joy. I have admiration for those who endure bitter and long term situations, but I am also impressed by those who change their circumstances before becoming completely crushed.

It’s not wise to judge another person based on the limited view we have of them. Physical appearances can be deceptive. Wealth, physical health, possessions, social connections – none of these are an indicator of what is going on in someone’s mind. In fact, it might be scary to know what was going on in the minds of many people. If you knew how many were screaming inside their own heads, how close to breaking point they were, you would be going round hugging all sorts of people.

When someone feels they cannot continue in their present circumstances, it doesn’t necessarily mean that others should be put on trial for contributing to their distress. Perhaps in some cases, individuals should be reprimanded for bullying and cruelty. But sometimes, it’s hard to attribute deliberate intent to drive someone else to despair.

Whether you respect the decisions others make, whether you find them hard to understand, or find it debatable how they have gone about making those decisions, it is important to recognise that none of us know what is going on in someone else’s mind and how threatened their mental health is.

In a world where people take the most awful drastic actions when they have reached breaking point, surely we should accept that some people take action before they are at breaking point.