What will next year bring for “Jack” and me?
This post I am writing before I go away to spend some time with my family during the holidays. Both he and I are going to tell our close family members that we have been “dating” and plan to continue doing so.
I am going to tell my family something they may find hard to grasp, because they didn’t want to hear me say it in the past. I am in love with him. Despite everything that went terribly wrong, I never stopped loving him.
By the time this post is published, they will know and will have had time to question me at length and understand what is going on. I have given it a lot of thought. I have been writing things down to tell my family. I may even take the opportunity to finally introduce them to my posts on CRUSHED CARAMEL.
Jack has an event early in January, at which I will be making my first “public” appearance alongside him. Sick with nerves? Oh yes! But I am keeping my focus on how much I love Jack. It am anxious about the challenges that will come. It’s not pleasant to be at the mercy of opinionated comments from strangers. My main strategy to deal with it is going to be simply not to look. I am just going to keep my rose-tinted loving outlook.
How will our relationship develop? I don’t know. The past few months have been so wonderful. I can only hope things will be equally as wonderful despite possible challenges. The big question mark in my mind is…what about our lives? He is still immersed in the lifestyle I led before I was victim to a crime. He is involved in all sorts of projects for various charities. He has events and projects (some abroad) planned throughout 2020. He has been asking me to reserve certain dates so I can attend charity functions and social occasions with him.
But what about us? There is a long road ahead. Is it going to be even possible to merge our lives together completely? I don’t think I can re-qualify for international volunteer status. My head is still a problem. They can’t use me the same way. So if we were to merge our lives…he would have to give up international assignments, because they won’t split couples up (well, married couples). So…if he wants to stay in his purposeful life…we will have to continue to live separately. Or if he wants to put me first, he will have to be content with UK assignments only, which is all I qualify for at the moment.
It’s going to be hard for him to make that kind of decision. I don’t want to pressure him in any way. In fact, I don’t want him to have to give up that life. It hurts to think of having to slow him down in doing something we both passionately care about. Maybe that means that it would be better just to carry on the way we are, so that he can live the life of an international volunteer. He already has an assignment in the Middle East and one in Central Africa in the next few months. I am going to have to get used to him being away for weeks at a time.
This is hard because if you love someone to the extent that you want to go where they go and always be close to them…the thought of having to live separately until the person you love is ready to give up the life they love for you – it is hard. So so hard.
I am just going to be content with what we have now. I am his caramel blonde girlfriend. I am his lover. Come 2020, the whole world can know about it. He is my lover!